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The Mental Health thread


Mental Health  

313 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you suffer from a mental illness?

    • Yes
      101
    • No
      175
    • Maybe - yet to see a doctor about it
      39
  2. 2. Do you know someone who suffers a mental illness

    • Yes
      254
    • No
      33
    • Don't know but suspect they do
      28


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This is very sad news, its made me reflect Nearly two years ago I had a bike accident and suffered a traumatic brain injury. I spent two months in hospital. I think I have dodged a bullet. I was

Hey Everyone,   Just checking in to let you know I am feeling much better. I had a tough couple of weeks, but I am slowly getting back on top of it. Stacey has simply been amazing and I have found

The last two days have giving me great satisfaction.  For the first time in a very long time I have felt wanted and respected.  The first one was on tuesday i turned up to work (arvo/night shift)

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I thought this was fantastic  from the great man - Delly Carr. I wish it was longer  
FM

 

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Jut exhausted atm.  Haven't been able to get my son to school this week thus far.  He's not in a good place, is refusing all help.  Won't go to counseling.  He's on meds, maybe not enough, but that's not a fix.  We just don't know what to do any more.  One of his biggest problems is he sees everything in black and white.  There's no shades of grey.  eg at his school the daily uniform is their sport uniform.  They only wear formal 3 times a term, and he hates it.  He hates how he looks in it because he's overweight, but he also hates things covering his legs.  He doesn't own school tracksuit pants, he owns no jeans or pants or anything other than shorts.  So he didn't wear formal last week on the formal day.  He knew he'd get in trouble for that but we felt him going was more important than not.  Next day he was spose to wear it (for not wearing it on the right day) and he didn't and he got in trouble, which he knew was coming.  Messages from him from 8.30am that it's the worst day every and he hates it.  Messages like that every single morning, emails during the day how much he hates it.  Once one thing happens the whole day is ruined.

School is being as good as they can about it.  But with him refusing to be involved in any programs to help his mental health and him refusing external counseling I just don't know what we can do.  He's going to be entering the territory of repeating if he keeps missing school, and that terrifies him (as he hates the kids in the grade below).  In his mind everyone at school bullies him; his friends do, teachers do.  I have no doubt that he gets some, maybe even bad stuff.  But not everyone.  I can sympathise with him as I changed school 3 times from 6 to 11 because of it, and unbeknownst was suffering the same levels of depression and anxiety as him (manifested differently), but I know you just can't avoid going like this.  It's got both of us just bloody exhausted mentally from it, and work is just driving me mad with people on my back.  I'll ring our doc again today and try and set up a phone interview with her to discuss this further, but with him not being willing to participate in anything that could help him, I don't know what more we can do?

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Goughy, that must be an incredibly hard place to be in. While i'm not a parent myself (yet, hopefully one day), through my frontline role I have seen the struggles parents have when their children are suffering from mental health issues and can only begin to imagine how frustrating and heartbreaking it must be.

How old is he? From memory this has been something you've been trying to deal with for a while now. Has anything helped in the past? Could changing schools be an option or is it something you've tried already? I'm not saying it's the solution by any means but just throwing ideas out there. 

I really don't have any advice Goughy but try and hang in there mate.

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It's particularly frustrating because I did exactly the same thing as him, in that I didn't participate in counseling when the offers were there.  I know what he's missing out on!  We can't do private school, and he's already at the best state school in town when it comes to dealing with this sort of thing.  It's not that we think he's imagining the problems, but we know he has problem with understanding the different levels;  what's gentle rubbing from mates is outright bullying to him.

Yeah, it's been years now.  But, it's hard to get a handle on when someone refuses to do what's needed.

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 2 punctures today ended up with 25k than 75k before nightshift. I need to rewatch the movie " Anger management" with Jack Nicholson. I might end up like Adam Sandler in it?🤪

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School, in many ways, is a lot easier than the 9 - 5 grind and some people struggle with the transition. I wonder, Goughy, if with your son, it may be the other way around. There are a lot of pressures in school, a lot of variables to do with and in some ways it's much more complex than adulting.

I have mates that despised school, they struggled academically, they struggled on the sports field, they struggled with the the inevitable bullying because of their perceived inadequacies, but when they left school, eventually they began to believe in themselves and began to thrive.  School is not a good place if you don't fit the norm. Perhaps he will cope better once he's left school?

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Maybe, he will be better off when he's through.  But we have to get him to the through!  Thanks for letting me vent.  Thanks for the thoughts.

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2 hours ago, zed said:

School, in many ways, is a lot easier than the 9 - 5 grind and some people struggle with the transition. I wonder, Goughy, if with your son, it may be the other way around. There are a lot of pressures in school, a lot of variables to do with and in some ways it's much more complex than adulting.

I have mates that despised school, they struggled academically, they struggled on the sports field, they struggled with the the inevitable bullying because of their perceived inadequacies, but when they left school, eventually they began to believe in themselves and began to thrive.  School is not a good place if you don't fit the norm. Perhaps he will cope better once he's left school?

This was also the case with our eldest, though it still took her a few years to develop a thicker hide, and her first boss was an absolute fruitloop.  After she left that job, she kept running into people in the industry who said "oh, I worked with her as well, she was the pits".

We thought she was being an over-sensitive millennial, but it turns out she had a fair point.  

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The better half calls me yesterday afternoon....can you come take me to hospital...

Yeah she snapped her Achilles tendon mid netball game

We spent 4 hours last night getting assessed at nepean hospital last night she sees the surgeon tomorrow 😬

20200802_070714.jpg

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9 hours ago, Shrek said:

The better half calls me yesterday afternoon....can you come take me to hospital...

Yeah she snapped her Achilles tendon mid netball game

We spent 4 hours last night getting assessed at nepean hospital last night she sees the surgeon tomorrow 😬

20200802_070714.jpg

Oh no!  Wishing her all the best with her recovery x

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19 hours ago, Shrek said:

The better half calls me yesterday afternoon....can you come take me to hospital...

Yeah she snapped her Achilles tendon mid netball game

We spent 4 hours last night getting assessed at nepean hospital last night she sees the surgeon tomorrow 😬

20200802_070714.jpg

Shrek, good luck to the better half. I did mine and used a surgeon called Dr Andrew Wines. I recommend him if you need a name.

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On 03/08/2020 at 7:19 AM, Surfer said:

Oh no!  Wishing her all the best with her recovery x

Thanks everyone 

Met with surgeon today...no surgery...however has a new fashion accessory for a few months 🙈🙊

20200805_192248.jpg

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi. This is my first post on this site.....not sure why this thread....maybe because its Sunday night...

After nearly two decades i am starting over again. Hoping to meet some new friends and be part of some sort of community. 

Its a beautiful sport.

Take care everyone.

 

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19 minutes ago, CharlieB said:

Hi. This is my first post on this site.....not sure why this thread....maybe because its Sunday night...

After nearly two decades i am starting over again. Hoping to meet some new friends and be part of some sort of community. 

Its a beautiful sport.

Take care everyone.

 

Welcome.  
 

post an intro thread 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

That's awful.  His poor wife, things are going to be even harder for her now 😥 My friend has one year old twins on her own, and that's a battle even with lots of family support and a well-paying job.

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1 hour ago, -H- said:

That's awful.  His poor wife, things are going to be even harder for her now 😥 My friend has one year old twins on her own, and that's a battle even with lots of family support and a well-paying job.

I know, my heart breaks for her. 

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A dad allegedly took his own life and that of his four year old son, just south of Cooktown. I worked in this area and travel once per term. I work with those who provide services 0 to 5 year olds. This will be absolutely heart breaking for everyone around. It is a large area but a small community. Most people know each other.

Not sure how "we" 'make' a difference for little people when we can't solve poverty, DV, drug use, mental health and a myriad of other things that are occurring for and within families.

🥺🥺🥺

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You make a difference by trying, that's what you are doing.  Sometimes it's a big difference, sometimes it'll feel like nothing at all.  But you'll make a difference.

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On 05/09/2020 at 1:27 PM, skel said:

Not sure how "we" 'make' a difference for little people when we can't solve poverty, DV, drug use, mental health and a myriad of other things that are occurring for and within families.

🥺🥺🥺

I work for a NFP that focuses on young people from "conception to career", so 0-24, however it is fair to say that the majority of our work, efforts, time and money goes to that younger age group.

The above is the biggest challenge when working in this space, and whilst I love the work and the personal satisfaction it brings to know that you are having some impact, I do struggle not to bring the work home with me once you clock off.

I don't know the answers. It is such a complex problem.  Our organisation has a 20 year plan for our community. We are 4 years in and it seems such a long way to go.

Thoughts are with those who have lost people around them.

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On 05/09/2020 at 1:27 PM, skel said:

Not sure how "we" 'make' a difference for little people when we can't solve poverty, DV, drug use, mental health and a myriad of other things that are occurring for and within families.

🥺🥺🥺

I work for a NFP that focuses on young people from "conception to career", so 0-24, however it is fair to say that the majority of our work, efforts, time and money goes to that younger age group.

The above is the biggest challenge when working in this space, and whilst I love the work and the personal satisfaction it brings to know that you are having some impact, I do struggle not to bring the work home with me once you clock off.

I don't know the answers. It is such a complex problem.  Our organisation has a 20 year plan for our community. We are 4 years in and it seems such a long way to go.

Thoughts are with those who have lost people around them.

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On 04/09/2020 at 2:27 PM, BNothling said:

Cutting a very long story short here, but a former colleague who has had a very successful career after we worked together took his own life in traffic earlier this week. Both he and his wife had recently lost their jobs due to COVID-19, and have only just discovered that they're pregnant with triplets. The poor guy was checked into hospital for a mental health check 24 hours before deciding to end it. 

 

https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/health/matt-conwells-best-friend-reveals-the-pairs-last-heartbreaking-conversation/news-story/ca9df8252186716fba56bc4e1662e3b3

 

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1 hour ago, more said:

I'm glad that the GoFundMe has gone so well for them, but I am having mixed emotions about how I feel about it. I feel like a lot of people would have mixed feelings about donating if they knew that it was suicide, rather than an accident. I feel like people would change their view if they knew that their situation was 'self imposed'. 

I'm also feeling feelings of anger towards Matt for doing that to his wife and unborn children, and that there were other ways that he could have dealt with the overwhelming feelings of helplessness, such as simply leaving her. I want to reach out to Ash and offer help, and the Multiple Dads group that I'm a part of want to help, but I don't know if she's feeling resentment towards him either. I've spoken at length with my wife about it and she has said that she would feel nothing positive about me if I was to do the same to her.

I know that probably makes me a bad person, and I know personally that mental health issues can minimise your rational thinking and logic, but that's how I'm feeling at the moment. My heart breaks for Ash and what she will be going through over the next few years, but I'm just not sure how I feel towards Matt at this stage.

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2 hours ago, BNothling said:

I'm glad that the GoFundMe has gone so well for them, but I am having mixed emotions about how I feel about it. I feel like a lot of people would have mixed feelings about donating if they knew that it was suicide, rather than an accident. I feel like people would change their view if they knew that their situation was 'self imposed'. 

I'm also feeling feelings of anger towards Matt for doing that to his wife and unborn children, and that there were other ways that he could have dealt with the overwhelming feelings of helplessness, such as simply leaving her. I want to reach out to Ash and offer help, and the Multiple Dads group that I'm a part of want to help, but I don't know if she's feeling resentment towards him either. I've spoken at length with my wife about it and she has said that she would feel nothing positive about me if I was to do the same to her.

I know that probably makes me a bad person, and I know personally that mental health issues can minimise your rational thinking and logic, but that's how I'm feeling at the moment. My heart breaks for Ash and what she will be going through over the next few years, but I'm just not sure how I feel towards Matt at this stage.

I think its ok to be unsure of how you feel about Matt & to say you wouldnt have done what he did. Its ok to get angry, tearful, sad & confused. Then after you've gone through all of that which, in my opinion, is part if your grieving process, try to imagine how bad things got for him, inside his head & heart that finally took him to where he is now.  Im sure you won't be able to imagine it.  People like Matt go to places we cant imagine. Some people for whatever reason teeter on the edge yet dont go any further, sadly there are some we lose

Why not contact Ash? Tell her you're thinking of her, tell her she's not alone. Tell her you & your wife will be there for her. And keep telling her. Check in. Listen. Do the little things for her. Offer help, one day she'll take you up on your offers

Take care BNothling

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BN, what you are feeling is quite normal.  It can be incredibly confusing.  I would suggest you don't try and understand why or how it came to this, but that his partner will be needing plenty of help in a great many ways.  For myself, whenever I've had those kinds of thoughts I've always had in my head that my family needs me and can't get by without me.  I've always had that.

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On 09/09/2020 at 4:00 PM, goughy said:

For myself, whenever I've had those kinds of thoughts I've always had in my head that my family needs me and can't get by without me.  I've always had that.

100%. It's situations like this that I realise how much that I need my family and that they need me.

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On 09/09/2020 at 3:49 PM, Surfer said:

I think its ok to be unsure of how you feel about Matt & to say you wouldnt have done what he did. Its ok to get angry, tearful, sad & confused. Then after you've gone through all of that which, in my opinion, is part if your grieving process, try to imagine how bad things got for him, inside his head & heart that finally took him to where he is now.  Im sure you won't be able to imagine it.  People like Matt go to places we cant imagine. Some people for whatever reason teeter on the edge yet dont go any further, sadly there are some we lose

Why not contact Ash? Tell her you're thinking of her, tell her she's not alone. Tell her you & your wife will be there for her. And keep telling her. Check in. Listen. Do the little things for her. Offer help, one day she'll take you up on your offers

Take care BNothling

Well said. Thank you.

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  • 3 weeks later...

What do you do when you feel like you are never satisfied ? What happens when you feel what you do is not enough ? When you feel like you ticked something off then have to move onto the next thing ? What happens when you feel that the last thing is not enough but still have to move on ? 

Is it a lack of passion for anything specific or just ticking or stuff and wondering ?

Asking for a friend

FM

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It's easier said than done, but at some point you have to allow yourself to sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labour.  Instead of always striving for the next thing, appreciate what you've done and what you have.  Stop and smell the roses I suppose. 

As I said, it's easy to say but we all probably struggle with it. I would hazard a guess that triathletes tend to struggle more than most. I have to remind myself occasionally (or more than occasionally) that I'm allowed to be happy and enjoy my life the way it is.

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On 30/09/2020 at 9:31 PM, Flanman said:

What do you do when you feel like you are never satisfied ? What happens when you feel what you do is not enough ? When you feel like you ticked something off then have to move onto the next thing ? What happens when you feel that the last thing is not enough but still have to move on ? 

Is it a lack of passion for anything specific or just ticking or stuff and wondering ?

Asking for a friend

FM

 

There is an aweful lot of ground to cover in these questions. Some are close to home for me if I am honest.

What I am coming to accept are the following....

a. Pursuing "stuff" is a recipe for disaster for me. I don't know if there is really anything of significant worth that is a tick of item.

b. I need a framework that keeps me focussed on the things that direct me towards where I want to go and who I want to be. I need to constantly remind myself of this. Like daily. I think I have an addictive personality and have accepted that healthy(ish) addictions are better than denial and the subsequent sh!t that ensues. My framework is very simple - daughter (and family and friends), work, health (mental, physical, spiritual and financial).

c. Try and find ways to serve others - big or little ways, it doesn't matter. 

 

 

 

 

 

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Just thought I'd mention this app again (I think I've mentioned it before), but smiling mind is a great app for those wanting to get into mindfulness, or some guided meditation.  I gave used it nowhere near enough, always saying "I don't have time".  It's got a lot more content than when I last used it, including stuff for teens, classroom programs for teachers to use with their students.  Best of all, it's free.  I'm going to get back into using it again.  

https://www.smilingmind.com.au/

I was using their short, couple of minute sessions to use as a "third space" transition into work, and then or of the work mind space.  Google "the third space" to get an idea of what that's about.  I just really  need to cut out the whole "don't have time" attitude¡

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 13/10/2020 at 9:16 PM, skel said:

Just popping in to see how everyone is doing. 

I feel like I've got my life back a bit due to Covid 🤔

Working from home, not having to go to the office, have had a few odd moments/sensations/memories of feeling like a kid again which is brilliant.

Can fit chores & training & hobbies around work far more easily, start doing my work at 6am while eating breakfast and get on top of it much earlier.  Do a few (a lot 😁) non-work things in between bursts of work.

I think the strict demarcation between office = work and home = leisure is bad for me.

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On 13/10/2020 at 6:16 PM, skel said:

Just popping in to see how everyone is doing. 

Not too flash at present. I had to get my dog put down late last week. She was 17 and a big chunk of our family harmony. Miss her a lot already. Also during Covid I have had two who I considered very close female friends disappear on me. Not contact/ignore messages/ignore text. Very unlike them and am at a loss as to why. I have not said or done anything to cause this. Upsets me greatly or what to do about it.

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Guest Jim Shortz
2 hours ago, BigRig said:

Not too flash at present. I had to get my dog put down late last week. She was 17 and a big chunk of our family harmony. Miss her a lot already. Also during Covid I have had two who I considered very close female friends disappear on me. Not contact/ignore messages/ignore text. Very unlike them and am at a loss as to why. I have not said or done anything to cause this. Upsets me greatly or what to do about it.

I guess you need to just take confidence in your actions and behaviour 🤷🏻‍♂️✌️ they may be the ones that are struggling. 

 

It can be bloody excruciating when someone you care about ghosts you. Your mind can make mountains outta mole hills. 

 

Be kind to yourself ✌️

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2 hours ago, BigRig said:

Not too flash at present. I had to get my dog put down late last week. She was 17 and a big chunk of our family harmony. Miss her a lot already. Also during Covid I have had two who I considered very close female friends disappear on me. Not contact/ignore messages/ignore text. Very unlike them and am at a loss as to why. I have not said or done anything to cause this. Upsets me greatly or what to do about it.

Sending you the biggest hugs. The passing of a pet is horrible. They joy they bring you is unconditional.  Zuri keeps me smiling....even when the days are not so good. ❤❤

Sorry to hear about your friends. I have nothing to offer that can make this any easier. I hear many are going through so much at the moment.

My dad is currently in hospital and quite incoherent. No idea what is going on. Very hard being 1800km away. Hospital staff are keeping me in contact. 

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15 hours ago, Jim Shortz said:

I guess you need to just take confidence in your actions and behaviour 🤷🏻‍♂️✌️ they may be the ones that are struggling. 

 

It can be bloody excruciating when someone you care about ghosts you. Your mind can make mountains outta mole hills. 

 

Be kind to yourself ✌️

Never been ghosted by anyone before. It feels awful especially about people I care about. My mind is like spaghetti at present. I need to not overthink it and just let the cards fall.

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15 hours ago, skel said:

Sending you the biggest hugs. The passing of a pet is horrible. They joy they bring you is unconditional.  Zuri keeps me smiling....even when the days are not so good. ❤❤

Sorry to hear about your friends. I have nothing to offer that can make this any easier. I hear many are going through so much at the moment.

My dad is currently in hospital and quite incoherent. No idea what is going on. Very hard being 1800km away. Hospital staff are keeping me in contact. 

Thanks Skel. Sorry to hear about your Dad. That is tough being so far away.

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@BigRig sorry to hear about your dog. Can't do anything about the others so no point trying to think about why they may not be replying... Just put all the energy into you!

@skel hope all is well with your dad and is improving!

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Guest Jim Shortz
3 hours ago, BigRig said:

Never been ghosted by anyone before. It feels awful especially about people I care about. My mind is like spaghetti at present. I need to not overthink it and just let the cards fall.

Yeah. 

I've felt that. 

Take it easy ✌️

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Evening all. Dad still in hospital. Having trouble speaking words and is vague at times. But he could tell me the Storm score from last Friday.....lol. They don't think stroke...at this stage. Bit challenging being in Cairns and he is Sunshine Coast.  Bit of a battle with explain to staff. He is a long term dope smoker (30 years). But this is something out of the norm. Just want him to get the proper care and not to be assumed to be a drug user. Tough situation. The last consultation to talk to me sounded caring. Waiting game at the moment.

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Guest Jim Shortz

OK 

Skel asked 8 days ago... So here goes 

 

I'm ****ing terrible. 

Not knowing exactly what was going on with my MH for so many years now has kind of been a relief. "Oh they haven't labelled me so I might just be going through a rough patch".. Etc etc 

But having worked with a psychologist for a while now and being diagnosed with acute PTSD is scary. 

The more I learn about the "condition" the more I see what I have done and who I've done it to are text book things. 

 

Even on the way to start the last lap of the run in Busso, MJK said "your legs aren't empty, your heads given up" he slapped me on the back and I kept shuffling. At the time and to this day I take ZERO offence to the statement. Because I have always responded well to tough love from coaches(footy, Tri, cricket). But that sums up my life. 

 

Too scared to fail so I over achieve/work hard. Yet too scared to win and succeed so I self sabotage. Initially that statement may only seem to relate to Triathlon. But I do it over and over again in relationships and interactions with others. 

 

My current relationship is the best I have ever had and will have. J has taught me to be braver and talk to her about everything and that helps. One person can't shoulder all my shit. Hence this dump. 

 

But I am so ****ing lonely. So ****ing isolated. An outcast of my own doing. It's horrible. But I guess I must lay in the bed I've made. 

 

I'm also lucky enough to have a future, financially anyway. With a dual income things are possible. Slowly but surely. We've bought a home. We're going through IVF. there's quality food in the fridge all the time, not just when Mooj is over. 

 

But I have been crippled by a sense of... What now. How do I do this. Because on the inside, I'm still just a very frightened 7yr old boy. I have no ****ing idea about how to relate to adults, let alone how to build a life that will make it possible to retire without too much stress. 

 

At the moment, my plans A, B and C are "just show up". A Justin Daerr saying from my Endurance Corner days. Keep showing up and things will happen. But, is that what everybody else is doing?? LOL 🤷🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️😔😔😔

 

I have to go to the fancy chiro(can't spell kineseologist) 

 

Cheers for this thread. AGAIN. 

 

Take care 

 

*not looking for pity. Just wanted to get that out. Thanks Skel for the gentle push to talk. ✌️

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11 hours ago, Jim Shortz said:

At the moment, my plans A, B and C are "just show up". A Justin Daerr saying from my Endurance Corner days. Keep showing up and things will happen. But, is that what everybody else is doing?? LOL 🤷🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️😔😔😔

I think you would be surprised at just how many others at various times or a lot of the time are doing exactly the same mate.  Just showing up is a lot better than giving up and at least keeps you moving in the right direction till we all figure this life shit out. 

Keep focusing on the positives mate, you are a good man doing good. Keep it up. 

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I found, as so many others have also, when I was depressed and suicidal, I pushed everyone away. I treated some people badly. I treated others with neglect. I simply disappeared out of some people's lives without a word.

What I found when it came time that I could let people back into my life was, some people I didn't want back. Others I did and they accepted me back without hesitation. Others, those I either treated badly, or hurt when I just walked away without any explanation, needed an apology from me. They needed me to acknowledge that what I did, whether intentional or not, hurt them. It wasn't good enough to simply ignore what I had done and expect others to ignore it also and pick up where we left off. For most, a simply apology and acknowledgement was enough. For others, nothing was enough and it breaks my heart, but that was the unfortunate outcome.

I had to do the right thing though and let others decide whether that would be enough for them to let me back into their lives. 

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