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goughy

Money and the family...

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So, I was reading an article this arvo, and it's something I've come across from time to time chatting with friends etc etc.  But it's always left me a bit stumped, I guess.  Maybe I'm just weird (or more weird than usual).  The article was by a women who was describing the financial situation with her and her husband since moving to the US.  He is in a highly paid position and is covering all their living expenses etc easily, while she is still trying to find work (needs a visa sponsor or something) and makes a little from a website she runs.  Obviously she is feeling like she's not really contributing, and I can understand someone feeling like that in that position.  But then she goes on about how when they lived in Melbourne, even though he made like double what she did, they split all the costs 50/50!  Now, I just don't get that!  Does that mean he's got twice as much to spend on himself than she does on herself?  A friend used to work at centrelink and he would tell me the stories of people that would ring up asking how much they could get; when quizzed on their partners income they would say like 200k.  He'd tell them then you won't get anything, and they'd respond with "but they don't give me any money!"  He used to say he'd get calls like that all the time.

Maybe we look at it different (the boss and I were just talking about this and were on the same page), but pretty much from the day we moved in together we had a shared account and I've never had one in my own name since; Rob has one which we use to keep savings if saving for something.  There are times she's been the bigger bread winner, and there's been times it's been me.  But I know from some friends that they keep their moneys separate but that just seems so strange to me?

Are we the odd ones out?  I'm not trying to judge anyone or anything.  But that just seems so strange to me?

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Mrs Monkie doesn't want a joint account (at the moment, we're talking about having one in the future). I pay more rent than her and some more of the bills (i.e. I do electricity and gas, she does water) and then we kind of take it in turns for other stuff (dog, car etc). 

It's pretty chill now and if either of us ever feels like things are unfair then we just talk about it and sort it. Was a very different story when we first moved here. It was for my job and she didn't have one to go to and so we ended up in an "allowance" situation which we had worked out and agreed but it didn't feel great but we talked it through. I do keep saying "we're married, it's all ours" but she sees it differently and that's cool.

I don't think there's a right way or a wrong way or one way that works for everybody but I do think it's really important to talk about it to make sure it doesn't become an issue.

As an aside she is furious that the Australian tax system takes our joint incomes into account. As a Pom this is something of an anathema!

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Same as you mate. 

Joint accounts from when we moved in together about 6 months after meeting up.

No sneaky accounts (a few foldies in the back of the wallet occasionally) 

At the moment the Mrs earns more than me but that has varied over the years. 

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Same here. When we were both working at the start it just meant we paid more off the loan. Never even thought about sep accounts. She hasn't worked since the first kid, but looking at going back to something small next year when the last is finished school, but we just think of that as extra WE can spend on a trip each year or pay off debt. The only stash I ever had was a little I put aside from my plant/flower hobby, to buy more stuff for that, although most of it went on tutors for the kids or presents at Christmas.

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Joint accounts from the time we bought a house which was just after we got engaged.  I can sort of understand it until you have kids, once you have kids i really don't get split accounts but each to their own.

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We have separate money. We each have out own accounts but have a joint account for bills & food shopping etc - we both pay exactly the same into that account. We also pay the same amount onto the mortgage. He earns more than me now. 

We dont have children so i dont see why I should have access to his money. Of course if anything happened, we would look after each other...

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We’ve never had a joint account and didn’t really consider it a ‘thing’. I pay nearly all household bills and Mrs FP takes care of bulk money, investments, forex etc.

one thing we have done since buying our last place, is making sure all our utility accounts, car, insurance etc are in both names, so that either of is the account holder and can sort anything out on the phone.

The only reason I can see we’d have joint accounts is as a backstop for access in case one of us dies.  I suppose one reason we’ve never bothered is that we have different last names.

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29 minutes ago, FatPom said:

We’ve never had a joint account and didn’t really consider it a ‘thing’. I pay nearly all household bills and Mrs FP takes care of bulk money, investments, forex etc.

Interesting that it looks like a Brit consensus. Obviously no judgement as to which is "normal" or "right" but just interesting!

E2A: I'm including BF in my consensus as I believe (and might be wrong) that's she's a bit pom!

Edited by monkie

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Have had a joint acct with my wife since We were 19.  That when we moved out.  We each have a separate acct that we transfer  10% of any money that comes into our joint acct into our own ones, this is our individual spending for each of us to use how ever we like.  All bills are serviced from the joint acct.  we also have a separate acct for our kids that we put $100 a week into.  Twice a year we withdraw from it and invest in shares for them.

My wife has only gone back to work last year after not earning an income for 10yrs and does approx 10hrs a week, not once in that time have I considered that the money  I earnt was “mine” it’s always been “ours”

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Same as Monkie said, absolutely no judgement here.  Just interesting to see how different families manage things for themselves.

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I wonder if there is any link with age and circumstances that could come into it?  We were 19 and 20 when we moved to Brissie together and both on unemployment and looking for work, and had pretty much nothing so we just pooled everything we had together and it just stuck.

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Just now, goughy said:

I wonder if there is any link with age and circumstances that could come into it?  We were 19 and 20 when we moved to Brissie together and both on unemployment and looking for work, and had pretty much nothing so we just pooled everything we had together and it just stuck.

Interesting hypothesis... I owned my house when Mrs M and I got together... we then bought our buy to let together but with me putting in 80%... we got married two years later... blessed in terms of money and I do bring more of that to the party but she brings a lot more important things but could be why she feels like she does. It upsets me that she feels like a "junior partner" in anything because she's much better than me... I shall ask!

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1 hour ago, monkie said:

Interesting that it looks like a Brit consensus. Obviously no judgement as to which is "normal" or "right" but just interesting!

E2A: I'm including BF in my consensus as I believe (and might be wrong) that's she's a bit pom!

You could assume that and I will assume you’re a fan of walking with a limp😄 ( the clue is in the name) 

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3 hours ago, roxii said:

Same as you mate. 

Joint accounts from when we moved in together about 6 months after meeting up.

No sneaky accounts (a few foldies in the back of the wallet occasionally) 

At the moment the Mrs earns more than me but that has varied over the years. 

Same. 

Married 20years last week.  

Never had one argument about money.  Not one.  

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I could say I don't recall many, if any arguments about money.  I remember a lot of apologies though.....

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10 hours ago, monkie said:

E2A: I'm including BF in my consensus as I believe (and might be wrong) that's she's a bit pom!

HOW DARE YOU!!! 

(Irish & French)

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Yep joint accounts since day one.

Does make it hard having to borrow bikes all the time rather than buy them :lol:

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Just now, nealo said:

Yep joint accounts since day one.

Does make it hard having to borrow bikes all the time rather than buy them :lol:

I bought my race-bike before we got married. The road bike made economic sense, saving $10 per day in commute costs.

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3 minutes ago, nealo said:

Yep joint accounts since day one.

Does make it hard having to borrow bikes all the time rather than buy them :lol:

Lucky you have generous friends with limited storage space  :lol: 

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20 minutes ago, BogFrog said:

HOW DARE YOU!!! 

(Irish & French)

I withdraw and apologise whole heartedly!

Edited by monkie
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Joint accounts and been like that for 40+ years.

My wife has an aunty that is given a monthly allowance by her husband. He is a retired accountant. (PS nothing against accountants)  

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1 hour ago, monkie said:

I withdraw and apologise whole heartedly!

Apology accepted, seeing as you realise being called a Pom is so heinous  😉

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7 hours ago, BogFrog said:

Apology accepted, seeing as you realise being called a Pom is so heinous  😉

I was in the US once when I guy asked me if I was Scottish.  He's dead now :whistling:

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We started with a joint mortgage which we paid off a number of years ago. We now have joint accounts and we just spend whatever we want.  We're generally not big spenders - except on holidays then money takes a back seat to the experience we want.

The investment properties have their own mortgage/accounts and all rent goes in and expenses come out of these accounts. 

I earn around three times what the missus does but she does an awesome job in maintaining a 50/50 spending ratio :)

 

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joint accounts for everything and a personal "ask no questions, tell no lies" account which receives an allowence each week to do with as we will.  with a bit of judicious saving on my part, this has enabled me to purchase my bikes.  Only problem is,  I'm very worried he might sell them for what I told him I paid for them if I died.....

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22 minutes ago, Cat Lady said:

joint accounts for everything and a personal "ask no questions, tell no lies" account which receives an allowence each week to do with as we will.  with a bit of judicious saving on my part, this has enabled me to purchase my bikes.  Only problem is,  I'm very worried he might sell them for what I told him I paid for them if I died.....

Mrs Monkie is on strict instructions to consult Transitions before offloading any bicycles, wheels, helmets or other equipment!

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1 hour ago, monkie said:

Mrs Monkie is on strict instructions to consult Transitions before offloading any bicycles, wheels, helmets or other equipment!

I was thinking of doing something similar, ie: have her check with my brother before selling anything, but then realised that would be pointless. He'd have to tell her they were really cheap as well, otherwise she'd tell his wife what his bikes would really have cost. :)

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The last few posts here have cemented  to me that what we do is right (for us).  I never lie to Mr BogFrog about the cost of anything that I buy and vice versa.  As long as the joint accounts are topped up, therefore the bills are paid, then I can do as I please with my own money. 

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46 minutes ago, BogFrog said:

(for us)

This is the key!

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18 hours ago, trinube said:

We started with a joint mortgage which we paid off a number of years ago. We now have joint accounts and we just spend whatever we want.  We're generally not big spenders - except on holidays then money takes a back seat to the experience we want.

The investment properties have their own mortgage/accounts and all rent goes in and expenses come out of these accounts. 

I earn around three times what the missus does but she does an awesome job in maintaining a 50/50 spending ratio :)

 

Just like the say... what hers is hers and what's yours is also hers!!!

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We have joint accounts. Had it since we purchased our first house when we were 21. 

We used to fight about two things, 1 our parents & 2 money. 

So we agreed both our parents are annoying but we can’t get new ones. 

We also gave each other a $500 a fortnight allowance. My wife does all of the banking (bills, school, fees etc) 

I make about double my wife & tried to negotiate an allowance increase last time I got promoted at work. My wife’s response “u may be performing at work but not at home, increase denied” she’s brutal!!!!

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5 minutes ago, Bored@work said:

I make about double my wife & tried to negotiate an allowance increase last time I got promoted at work. My wife’s response “u may be performing at work but not at home, increase denied” she’s brutal!!!!

So your wife said you're not performing at home. Did you ask if you could go out training a couple nights a week to get better?

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I'm surprised how many people go for the allowance thing. I would have no trouble living with one (I'm a tightarse by nature) but it just seems like you don't trust yourselves. Our money goes into an account and if we need something we buy it. If we want something we decide together. If we want something individually we have a casual chat about it and then buy it.

Anything up to a few hundred bucks doesn't need the chat but is based on the assumption it's not something stupid or a waste of money.

The only time there was no discussion is when I had a business account and  just spent whatever I wanted provided it was tax deductible.

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7 hours ago, trinube said:

I'm surprised how many people go for the allowance thing. I would have no trouble living with one (I'm a tightarse by nature) but it just seems like you don't trust yourselves. Our money goes into an account and if we need something we buy it. If we want something we decide together. If we want something individually we have a casual chat about it and then buy it.

Anything up to a few hundred bucks doesn't need the chat but is based on the assumption it's not something stupid or a waste of money.

The only time there was no discussion is when I had a business account and  just spent whatever I wanted provided it was tax deductible.

You have seen my bike & shoe collection.....  I don’t trust myself.

I trust my wife. I don’t have access to the bank accounts (apparently I do but I’m too lazy to set up internet banking & look) I haven’t opened a letter in 20 years. 

She’s frugal with money & is always looking to save cash. I buy $500 pairs of shoes.

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I have a friend who has separate accounts to her hubby. They separated a while back and when they got back together they just left them separate. They split the Bill's. He pays some, she pays others. She says it's great because she doesn't have to ask 'permission' to buy stuff and he can't comment if he doesn't like what she buys. 

The only downside is you can't have an offset account for your mortgage which I think helps heaps with repayments. ??

Dazz and I have a joint account but we also have separate accounts for the sole purpose of a great deal that ING offer. If you have 2 accounts, you get 2 lots of interest (because it's capped at a max balance. Hard to explain but it makes sense.)

We dont split the bills. They just get paid out of the joint account. I pay for stuff out of my own account sometimes (groceries, school fees, skipping) just because I have pay pass on my phone attached to my account but IF I were to run out of money I would just top it up from the joint one. But my pay goes into my account because that's a condition of the interest thing,  that there's regular money going in there.

I buy what I want, if it's a little purchases (nutrition, clothing, shoes, race entries etc) and don't lie about the price. But I dont come forward with it either ... unless I'm asked. I wouldn't buy a bike without 'permission'. Although normally Dazz wants a new bike for me before I do anyway. 🤣

And other than tri, I dont spend money. I'm a tight arse in every other regard. No magazines, pedicures, spas, hair dos (a trim every 9 months or so), no make up, fake tans, and the only clothes I buy are training/ racing related, unless I am desperate for work clothes.  My casual clothes are tri related. The only time I'll get a massage is if its injury related/prevention. I never buy lunch. We don't go out to dinner often and when we do, it's the local sports club. I just can't justify spending $100 to eat something that costs $10 at home!

However, I dont hold back on the kids expenses (hard to believe how expensive skipping is as a sport!) And they never miss out on school camps, excursions, etc.

I also am a bit looser on the purse strings when we are on holidays. 

But I tell the kids, when we are on holidays, that we are tight all year long so we can do stuff like this. I hope they are learning.

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I started running a weekly detailed budget in Excel back in 1996 when I went into business for myself, as cashflow was very lumpy so needed to be careful.  We are both back on wages now, but I still run the budget, which projects forward our bank balances about 6-12mths, and also projects our super & investment savings to plan for retirement.

This process has been a Godsend, as we know what we can afford, and consequently splurge on some great holidays (our biggest indulgence).

We have/had joint everything financially - bank a/cs, investment properties, shares, insurances.

 

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8 hours ago, Bored@work said:

I trust my wife. I don’t have access to the bank accounts (apparently I do but I’m too lazy to set up internet banking & look) I haven’t opened a letter in 20 years. 

I'm the same.  I have to go to a branch to do anything, never bothered to set up internet banking for myself.  If I need to get 20 out for something, I ask her first.  She has been ridiculously good at paying things off.  We are those bad people who use interest free, a lot!  Granted over the last 5 years nearly everything in the house has been replaced so haven't had to pay off anything for nearly two years now.  We're not frivolous with it.  Our biggest ever was our lounge suite which was 5.5k (ticketed at 6.5k) on 5yr interest free, and she paid it in two.  I have no idea how!  I just let her work her magic.

 

And if you're wondering how much you need to spend to buy a good quality lounge, 5.5k is middle of the road.  I've repaired Natuzzi lounges that had chipboard in them.

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15 hours ago, Bored@work said:

You have seen my bike & shoe collection.....  I don’t trust myself.

I trust my wife. I don’t have access to the bank accounts (apparently I do but I’m too lazy to set up internet banking & look) I haven’t opened a letter in 20 years. 

She’s frugal with money & is always looking to save cash. I buy $500 pairs of shoes.

The Imelda Marcos of cycling...

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On 08/09/2019 at 8:54 PM, roxii said:

Same as you mate. 

Joint accounts from when we moved in together about 6 months after meeting up.

No sneaky accounts (a few foldies in the back of the wallet occasionally) 

At the moment the Mrs earns more than me but that has varied over the years. 

So...     how do you buy bikes without disclosing the real price..?! :)

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