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The Customer

How to dob in a doper

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On 26/06/2019 at 6:13 PM, Andrew #1 said:

Yeah, like let’s all sic the rozzers onto healthy age groupers who manage to find the time and motivation to pull their finger out and go from 6hrs to ... maybe (dunno but maybe) possibly getting close to 5 hours for a 70.3. Because, wow - that would be like going from ... nowhere at the back of the field to nearly nowhere but maybe the middle of the pack ... just because we hacks might feel threatened that someone else might contest our own mediocrity. That’s simply not acceptable, is it? Let’s make them know that the haters are hating behind their backs, make them feel a little shit about themselves, instead of proud of their improvement, as they pee into a cup because someone turned camp informant/malicious gossip.

The last Half Ironman I did was Geelong 70.3.  Out of 270 female competitors, only 27 broke 5 hours, 6 of those were Pros.  So we are talking about going from near the back of the pack to age group podium.  And TC keeps on stating that the person in question is far from a natural athlete.

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On 27/06/2019 at 8:24 AM, Ex-Hasbeen said:

Maybe we should mention an up & coming young tennis player to WADA. Just a couple years ago she was 600th in the world, and she just made number 1 last week. It sounds too good to be true. ;) 

I realise you mention this in jest. But you are referring to someone who is a natural talent at any sport she tries.  If would be more of a surprise if she wasn't very successful.

On the other hand, if someone like me suddenly improved and became ranked 600th Tennis player in the world, then definitely send in the drug testers.

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On 26/06/2019 at 5:50 PM, Greyman said:

Was this the days before litigation became a disease?

I'm too stupid to understand your response

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22 minutes ago, Rob said:

The last Half Ironman I did was Geelong 70.3.  Out of 270 female competitors, only 27 broke 5 hours, 6 of those were Pros.  So we are talking about going from near the back of the pack to age group podium.  And TC keeps on stating that the person in question is far from a natural athlete.

So at a next to nuffink race in a nuffink sport someone maybe possibly threatening a top 30 position (wow, at the front of the middle of the pack) having been a solid back of the same middle of the pack (6hrs for a woman in a 70.3 is pretty solid without being spectacular, same  as a bloke doing 5:30ish) leads to this ... shit. FMD. Get a life people. “Age group podium” in a piss ant 70.3 is the Valhalla of mediocrity. And ... she ain’t even done that yet. Only that Grinchy and her Heather mates fear that she ... might one day. Sacrebleu! .... 

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So TC, what's happening? Is anyone going to investigate said athlete ? I would be interested. 

Ta

FM

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15 minutes ago, Flanman said:

So TC, what's happening? Is anyone going to investigate said athlete ? I would be interested. 

Ta

FM

I’m onto it. The outrage of a 6hr 70.3 daring to threaten the Magic 5hrs barrier (even if that is only the fever dreams of Grinchy and her nest of vipers) SHALL NOT STAND!

Edited by Andrew #1

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12 hours ago, The Customer said:

I'm sensing a bit of angst in your words, Andrew. Not training much these days?

Steady on. I’m all over training for the beer mile like a fat kid in a chocolate shop.

Edited by Andrew #1
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4 hours ago, Andrew #1 said:

Steady on. I’m all over training for the beer mile like a fat kid in a chocolate shop.

Like white on rice.

 

4 hours ago, Flanman said:

So TC, what's happening? Is anyone going to investigate said athlete ? I would be interested. 

Ta

FM

You bet. Mission Folau is on the top of my 'to do' list. Heather has been assigned the task of dropping a miniature tip-off note sealed inside a repurposed salt capsule and hidden in plain view on the scorching tarmac of the run course at Ironman France at kilometer 35...

oh, hang on...

Edited by The Customer

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I think you've all missed the obvious thing here.

This is a cry for help.

The Customer is self reporting.

 She keeps moving to stay 1 step ahead of WADA, but she grows tired.

Keyser Soze......

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I was wondering when anyone was going to mention my suspicious sub-5 performances.

Thank you Tyno. Thank you for reaching out. I can now sleep easy in my bothy hideaway in the Scottish Cairngorms.

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wait till you discover I'm really Mark Robson, that will really cook your noodle!

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9 minutes ago, The Customer said:

Hate to burst your bubble but we already knew. Bit like when Ricky Martin announced he was gay.

Ricky Martin is Gay?

 

Shit.

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16 minutes ago, Ex-Hasbeen said:

Ricky Martin is Gay?

 

Shit.

Did you think a straight guy could sing, dance and dress that well. 

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6 minutes ago, Greyman said:

Did you think a straight guy could sing, dance and dress that well. 

Well Peter Allen could.

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21 minutes ago, The Customer said:

Someone needs to break the news to Hugh Jackman.

More importantly to Deborra Lee!

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4 hours ago, The Customer said:

I was wondering when anyone was going to mention my suspicious sub-5 performances.

Thank you Tyno. Thank you for reaching out. I can now sleep easy in my bothy hideaway in the Scottish Cairngorms.

Have some kids and get a mortgage, that'll recalibrate what's worth losing sleep over.:lol:

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10 hours ago, Ex-Hasbeen said:

More importantly to Deborra Lee!

I think she knows ... 

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8 hours ago, Bored@work said:

Can they still test her if she pulls a DNF? 

Funny you should say that. The athlete in question once faked an injury during the run and pulled out when she realised her friend was beating her. 😂

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21 minutes ago, The Customer said:

Funny you should say that. The athlete in question once faked an injury during the run and pulled out when she realised her friend was beating her. 😂

Ah, that narrows it down, she's coached by Macca.

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9 hours ago, Bored@work said:

Can they still test her if she pulls a DNF? 

Yes. 

They can even test you if you aren’t racing. 

I looked into it. I was going to dope up and get ripped and then just come out and go sub 10hrs.  Then I found out, even if I’m not a member of TA they can still test me.  

So I just stuck to donuts and milk shakes. 

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15 hours ago, The Customer said:

Funny you should say that. The athlete in question once faked an injury during the run and pulled out when she realised her friend was beating her. 😂

I don't think she considers you her friend.

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13 hours ago, nealo said:

I don't think she considers you her friend.

Very funny but she still needs to find 5 hours if she wants to beat my IM personal best. I'm not concerned.

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9 hours ago, The Customer said:

Very funny but she still needs to find 5 hours if she wants to beat my IM personal best. I'm not concerned.

Is it still called dick swinging in the women’s category?

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1 minute ago, The Customer said:

I generally don't talk to people unless they've Kona qualified so I can't answer your question.

I have qualified three times. 1 x legacy spot & 1 x CEO category & 1 x  sponsors spot. 

Im just waiting for my friend to qualify so I can race with him. 

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33 minutes ago, Bored@work said:

Im just waiting for my friend to qualify so I can race with him. 

 

31 minutes ago, The Customer said:

You have a friend?

Seriously, how could they be a friend if they are yet to qualify for Kona?

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9 hours ago, Bored@work said:

I have qualified three times. 1 x legacy spot & 1 x CEO category & 1 x  sponsors spot. 

Im just waiting for my friend to qualify so I can race with him. 

I have 500 QOMS

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2 hours ago, The Customer said:

I have 500 QOMS

My friend is on a crusade to get 1000 by years end. This weeks goal is 700km with 7000m of vert & 70 KOM.

I have 12 KOM :( 

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2 hours ago, The Customer said:

I have 500 QOMS

 

2 minutes ago, Bored@work said:

I have 12 KOM :( 

 

I have a life :P

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6 hours ago, Bored@work said:

My friend is on a crusade to get 1000 by years end. This weeks goal is 700km with 7000m of vert & 70 KOM.

I have 12 KOM :( 

You need to take go out in a car and steal your friend's KOMs.

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5 hours ago, The Customer said:

You need to take go out in a car and steal your friend's KOMs.

Thought about it.

I'm going to create a couple of segments that go past his house & then finish on the Airforce base (he can't get on base) it will drive him nuts.

 

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4 minutes ago, Bored@work said:

Thought about it.

I'm going to create a couple of segments that go past his house & then finish on the Airforce base (he can't get on base) it will drive him nuts.

 

Legend status

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Didn’t a V8 Supercar Driver leave hi fitness device on in cycle mode and ‘accidentally’ set the fasted bicycle lap around mount panorama on strava of 2 minutes, 6 seconds during the pole shootout a few years ago?

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10 hours ago, Andrew #1 said:

Didn’t a V8 Supercar Driver leave hi fitness device on in cycle mode and ‘accidentally’ set the fasted bicycle lap around mount panorama on strava of 2 minutes, 6 seconds during the pole shootout a few years ago?

I set a bunch of KOMs at Sandown behind the of an AMG. Changed it over to cross country skiing before I was crucified.

No-one was going to believe the top speed came from a tailwind 

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