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trilobite

Spouses’ attitudes to triathlon

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1 hour ago, Flanman said:

As the grand kids are getting older, it is almost time to be a coach or manager of a sports team (or playgroup attendee).

FM

Our oldest Grandson has just turned 3 so it's still probably a little bit early for that...  Good thought though! :thumbsup:

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The issue in our house is fitting training in for two of us (plus both working plus two kids under 5).... wife is a runner and all round gym junkie...  I've recently changed jobs and essentially no commute so that opens up mirnings and most afternoons. 

kids means sometime has to be at home at all times - effectively halving training time  -  gone are the days when we could just finish work and both go to respective training sessions.... someone needs to be feeding, bathing,  looking after the kidlets.

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someone needs to be feeding, bathing,  looking after the kidlets.

point that is missed by some of the self absorbed who want it more and just let their other halves do everything

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4 minutes ago, BarryBevan said:

someone needs to be feeding, bathing,  looking after the kidlets.

point that is missed by some of the self absorbed who want it more and just let their other halves do everything

I wouldn’t mind to be bathed occasionally. 

FM

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1 hour ago, BarryBevan said:

someone needs to be feeding, bathing,  looking after the kidlets.

point that is missed by some of the self absorbed who want it more and just let their other halves do everything

So true, many of the “kids are no excuse” type are usually the ones who never changed a nappy in their lives because they don’t consider it’s their job to do it. 

Edited by Rog
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2 hours ago, BarryBevan said:

someone needs to be feeding, bathing,  looking after the kidlets.

point that is missed by some of the self absorbed who want it more and just let their other halves do everything

 

24 minutes ago, Rog said:

So true, many of the “kids are no excuse” type are usually the ones who never changed a nappy in their lives because they don’t consider it’s their job to do it. 

Totally agree.  Our house is like a cafe of a morning.  Then hair, teeth, read a book etc...

AP mentioned above that he gets up early with his wife everyday to train.

NO SHIT.  It's your job to train and coach people. 

What is he doing between 8-5:30 when 95% of this site are in an office or on the tools somewhere. Flying for work? Driving to the next meeting? etc...

The whole, "you need to want it" comment is just as dumb as the twits, your seat is too low/high. Just made by people that are self absorbed.

There are plenty of people that want it bad.  But for those normal/balanced people in society its usually in this order.

1. Health

2. Family

3. Job

(some have it in different order)

Then your HOBBY/SPORT.  Of which some want it bad and others just do it as a sport.

Edited by Peter

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2 hours ago, BarryBevan said:

someone needs to be feeding, bathing,  looking after the kidlets.

point that is missed by some of the self absorbed who want it more and just let their other halves do everything

************ Urgent message to all (self absorbed) male triathletes from the older generation!! *********

Trust me, later on in life  If there is one thing in your life that you could change it would be to spend more time feeding, bathing,  looking after the kidlets.  Not having done this may well be your greatest regret. Go in and spend as much time as you can with them right now - some things you can leave to later, but  not this one - when it's gone, it's gone!

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24 minutes ago, Pete said:

Trust me, later on in life  If there is one thing in your life that you could change it would be to spend more time feeding, bathing,  looking after the kidlets.  Not having done this may well be your greatest regret. Go in and spend as much time as you can with them right now - some things you can leave to later, but  not this one - when it's gone, it's gone!

As someone who's daughter turns 21 next week I agree completely.

Time is precious, blink and it''s gone - and it's never coming back. You only get one chance to watch your kids grow up.

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2 hours ago, Flanman said:

I wouldn’t mind to be bathed occasionally. 

FM

And breast fed. 

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34 minutes ago, Pete said:

Trust me, later on in life  If there is one thing in your life that you could change it would be to spend more time feeding, bathing,  looking after the kidlets.  Not having done this may well be your greatest regret. Go in and spend as much time as you can with them right now - some things you can leave to later, but  not this one - when it's gone, it's gone!

Spot on, and they've proven this through interviewing people on their deathbeds...  Very few ever say that they wished they'd spent more time working or earning more money.  The thing that most people agreed on was that they'd wished they'd spent more quality time with their loved ones.  I wish I had a link to the data to share, but it's irrelevant anyway as it's what matters to you that's important.

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On ‎27‎/‎05‎/‎2019 at 1:24 PM, BNothling said:

We had a chat last night about how to manage things once the twins arrive and it will be a case of trying to work out which sessions are key to my ability to do the 70.3 on the Sunshine Coast, and which sessions are essentially just kms in the legs. I'll be having a look at which sessions I can modify to reduce the time training, but I have my bike setup on Zwift and my neighbour has a treadmill so it'll really only be the swimming where I'm away from home. She wants me to keep training and wants me to race, but it just depends on how I can shuffle it around nap times and whatnot. If it happens, it happens. If not, so be it. After that, I might just drop back to do the local QTS races at Raby Bay where I can only train with a relatively low volume and still have a bit of fun.

Just wait until the little ones will arrive. Your world is going to change and you might not want to train or race. You get one chance at being a parent. They grow up so fast.  Make the most of it and enjoy jorney. 

My daughter is 15 in a couple of weeks. I never cracked the sub11 Ironman but I think I'm doing a good job of being a parent.

 

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1 hour ago, Pete said:

************ Urgent message to all (self absorbed) male triathletes from the older generation!! *********

Trust me, later on in life  If there is one thing in your life that you could change it would be to spend more time feeding, bathing,  looking after the kidlets.  Not having done this may well be your greatest regret. Go in and spend as much time as you can with them right now - some things you can leave to later, but  not this one - when it's gone, it's gone!

This is exactly how we are living our lives right now. When my daughter was about 7 we decided to travel as much as possible and do everything we could while she still wants to hang out with us.

We could have paid our house off by now if we didn't travel so much or purchased a bigger place. When my daughter is 30 she is going to say my parents showed me the world and we hang out all the time. She's not going to say " I grew up in a big house with a fancy car or my Dad raced Kona"

I spend hours every week sitting outside Lush, Alley Fashion, Valley girl etc. We go shopping, have lunch, get cino's etc. Not the best recovery after a 100km ride but it's time with my girls and I wouldn't cahnge it for anything.

 

 

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39 minutes ago, Bored@work said:

I spend hours every week sitting outside Lush, Alley Fashion, Valley girl etc. 

 

No, there's a limit, that's just father abuse.

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2 hours ago, Pete said:

************ Urgent message to all (self absorbed) male triathletes from the older generation!! *********

Trust me, later on in life  If there is one thing in your life that you could change it would be to spend more time feeding, bathing,  looking after the kidlets.  Not having done this may well be your greatest regret. Go in and spend as much time as you can with them right now - some things you can leave to later, but  not this one - when it's gone, it's gone!

Thanks for posting Pete.  I spend heaps of time with my daughter.  

Lately we have been playing handball and tennis after school. Read books every night. Eat meals together.  And experience new things together.  

Im on the right track with your post above. 

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4 hours ago, Pete said:

************ Urgent message to all (self absorbed) male triathletes from the older generation!! *********

Trust me, later on in life  If there is one thing in your life that you could change it would be to spend more time feeding, bathing,  looking after the kidlets.  Not having done this may well be your greatest regret. Go in and spend as much time as you can with them right now - some things you can leave to later, but  not this one - when it's gone, it's gone!

Great post Pete.  FFF / Sam always said his goals were about being the best Dad he could be. 

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Not to many spouses that are unsupportive, or even completely blasé about it.  I've never done more than 4 runs in a week, 3 rides in a week, or 3 swims in a fortnight.  Rarely run over 12k, most rides around 40k never more than 3k in the pool.  Anything I've done, Olympic or longer, has reflected that training in my results.  But that's what I could do without too much complaining going on, cept for the odd comment about me falling asleep during lunch.  To say I'm not jealous of many of you would be a lie, but I still wouldn't change anything.  I got a couple of tour de tri's for my long fix, and still think I'll get to an IM one day.  

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8 hours ago, Peter said:

 

Totally agree.  Our house is like a cafe of a morning.  Then hair, teeth, read a book etc...

AP mentioned above that he gets up early with his wife everyday to train.

NO SHIT.  It's your job to train and coach people. 

What is he doing between 8-5:30 when 95% of this site are in an office or on the tools somewhere. Flying for work? Driving to the next meeting? etc...

The whole, "you need to want it" comment is just as dumb as the twits, your seat is too low/high. Just made by people that are self absorbed.

There are plenty of people that want it bad.  But for those normal/balanced people in society its usually in this order.

1. Health

2. Family

3. Job

(some have it in different order)

Then your HOBBY/SPORT.  Of which some want it bad and others just do it as a sport.

I was thinking of a “so what were the key takeaways here?” post, but I think this sums it up well.

Perhaps I could add that there might be some “who want it badly enough”, yet fail to comprehend that the bigger contributor to the goals they kick in triathlon are a combination of life circumstances (eg spouse who does bulk of domestic chores,  shorter and/or flexible work hours, no / limited commute).

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11 hours ago, Pete said:

************ Urgent message to all (self absorbed) male triathletes from the older generation!! *********

Trust me, later on in life  If there is one thing in your life that you could change it would be to spend more time feeding, bathing,  looking after the kidlets.  Not having done this may well be your greatest regret. Go in and spend as much time as you can with them right now - some things you can leave to later, but  not this one - when it's gone, it's gone!

 

You could always just have more and then get it right!!! 😁😁😁😁😁

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have seen some dreadful blindsiding as a result of the athlete thinking everything is tickety boo

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17 minutes ago, Merv said:

have seen some dreadful blindsiding as a result of the athlete thinking everything is tickety boo

Isn't that more around the overall health of the relationship though? Is it the athletes fault if their partner hasn't raised an issue and then blindsides them?

Assuming you are talking about relationships that is. I could be way off.

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I;m no love doctor, but, on both occasions the athlete was too absorbed with training schedules,  and oblivious to signals of infidelity that were clear to others

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1 minute ago, Merv said:

I;m no love doctor, but, on both occasions the athlete was too absorbed with training schedules,  and oblivious to signals of infidelity that were clear to others

I started a big long post on this, and I could rant for hours about it, having been on the victim end of infidelity, but I will save myself the heartache which thinking too hard on it causes me.

It is a sad thing it happened the way it did for these people. 

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On 29/05/2019 at 9:06 AM, Pete said:

************ Urgent message to all (self absorbed) male triathletes from the older generation!! *********

Trust me, later on in life  If there is one thing in your life that you could change it would be to spend more time feeding, bathing,  looking after the kidlets.  Not having done this may well be your greatest regret. Go in and spend as much time as you can with them right now - some things you can leave to later, but  not this one - when it's gone, it's gone!

Fortunately I nailed this one. No regrets here as I have done all the above....and at 15 and 18 still doing so. I can’t say I was home every night due to work, but work provides the lifestyle that they have today. And it’s a good one.

 

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On ‎24‎/‎05‎/‎2019 at 9:59 PM, trilobite said:

So some recent comments in other threads got me thinking that the elephant in the room in many discussions on here is the attitude of your spouse towards your triathlon past-time...

What’s your spouse or family’s attitude to your training, have you attempted to shift the dial and how did that go, etc?

My wife doesn't have an issue with the time I spend (used to spend) training.  If anything she usually thought I wasn't doing enough training and she would be as supportive as possible to encourage me to get out more.

What she has had an issue with lately is with my time management with work that is required around the house, and the amount of time I sometimes spend on social media.  This is probably a fair call, so once I get a bit healthier I'll try to get a bit more stuff done around the home.  'Happy wife, happy life' and all that jazz... but it works both ways!

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Everyone needs to fit in what they have to fit in to their life - a good positive attitude is the major requirement

This morning at our place the alarm went off at 4.30 - I was getting ready to leave at 5am cycling, my wife was getting ready to go ride her horse, she has a lesson at 6am - my step daughter had to start at channel nine at 5.30am to trawl through the days news - I met my daughter and grand daughter at the corner at 5.15 and rode for 2hrs before we all enjoyed a coffee and a few laughs with our friends

I got home just after 7am and the neighbours were just leaving - we just fit more into our life than they do - we all work all day - we just do it without making excuses 😎

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How do you know you get more into your life then they do?  Or are you a Mrs Kravitz?  You were up 2.5 hours before they were leaving?  So maybe they were up 1.5 hours after you?  What is your average bedtime during the week?  Say it's 9pm.  But they go to bed at 11pm.  So they could be awake 30mins more than you in a day.  So maybe they're fitting more into their day then you.  They just fit different things into their life than you do?

I'm not having a go at you AP.  I think you'd know I have respect for you.  But it is a fair enough question.  You are making the absolute most of the life that you want to lead.  Maybe they are doing the same?  But you just want to lead different lives.

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On 27/05/2019 at 2:07 PM, BarryBevan said:

Has anyone moved onto their second spouse since doing triathlon 

 

16 hours ago, Merv said:

have seen some dreadful blindsiding as a result of the athlete thinking everything is tickety boo

 

I can see both sides to this one from personal experience.

When I was training and racing consistently it was both pre-kids, or when they did come along it was prior to them starting school. As a result, I was always very mindful of any training not impacting family life.  Training was always done before she was out of bed. Only exception to this was long ride on Saturday I would ensure I was home by 11am at latest, so the rest of the weekend was ours.

On the flip side, her regime involved the gym of an evening, so once the kids come along I looked after that side of things so she could gym.  Seemed to be a balance that worked for us.

I was constantly checking in with her to make sure there was no or little impact to her and she was ok with my schedule etc, always received a response in the affirmative.

Didn't stop the abovementioned blind-side thought!! She literally came home from the gym one night and told me our marriage was over.  As it turns out she had hooked up with a bloke from the gym, so that's that.

Fast forward and I have now re-married and whilst I haven't done, or trained for a tri for a very long time, I am still riding and in recent times have started to get a bit of an interest in endurance cycling so finding I am going longer and longer, with a view to do some unsupported endurance events.

Wife # 2 is very supportive of this and encourages me to do what I need to do.  Only concern for her is me ending up in a ditch on the side of the road and her not knowing where I am.  Not sure what can be done to overcome that..........

Moral of the story?  Buggered if I know!

From a mental health point of view and long term health and wellness I need to be doing something. 

If your wife / partner / significant other is aware of this and understand, then all good.  If not, then I dunno.  Every partnership is about a bit of give and take but as many others know endurance sports can result in a fair bit of selfishness, and that is often not recognised until far too late.

To sum up - its all about balance.

Find what works for you and your family I guess, but be receptive to change that as your family dynamic and needs change

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20 minutes ago, goughy said:

How do you know you get more into your life then they do?  Or are you a Mrs Kravitz?  You were up 2.5 hours before they were leaving?  So maybe they were up 1.5 hours after you?  What is your average bedtime during the week?  Say it's 9pm.  But they go to bed at 11pm.  So they could be awake 30mins more than you in a day.  So maybe they're fitting more into their day then you.  They just fit different things into their life than you do?

I'm not having a go at you AP.  I think you'd know I have respect for you.  But it is a fair enough question.  You are making the absolute most of the life that you want to lead.  Maybe they are doing the same?  But you just want to lead different lives.

Yep, maybe he was up before you  building balsa wood models and chatting to his mates on a modelling forum about the dimwit that gets up half an hour after him to ride his bike in the dark only to end up back where he started. 

Different strokes for different folks. 

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34 minutes ago, AP said:

Everyone needs to fit in what they have to fit in to their life - a good positive attitude is the major requirement

This morning at our place the alarm went off at 4.30 - I was getting ready to leave at 5am cycling, my wife was getting ready to go ride her horse, she has a lesson at 6am - my step daughter had to start at channel nine at 5.30am to trawl through the days news - I met my daughter and grand daughter at the corner at 5.15 and rode for 2hrs before we all enjoyed a coffee and a few laughs with our friends

I got home just after 7am and the neighbours were just leaving - we just fit more into our life than they do - we all work all day - we just do it without making excuses 😎

Here is the secret

timeline

start at 5.15am ride 2hr, therefore end at 7.15am, have coffee/laugh (lets say 1/2hr), therefore 7.45am

get home at just after 7am, so lets say 7.15am.

therefore got home 1/2hr before left coffee, that time machine is the solution😉

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5 minutes ago, rory-dognz said:

Here is the secret

timeline

start at 5.15am ride 2hr, therefore end at 7.15am, have coffee/laugh (lets say 1/2hr), therefore 7.45am

get home at just after 7am, so lets say 7.15am.

therefore got home 1/2hr before left coffee, that time machine is the solution😉

I was going to say he needed to pull out his abacus and check his maths...

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He has also mentioned in other threads. As sonn his alarm go's off he's out the door in under 10 or 15min but today he took 30min to get out the door.

I'm still waiting for AP to break down his day into a time line including his full day on the tools.

 

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No full day on the tools this week - Cairns Ironman next weekend - just light duties for a few days 💖

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9 minutes ago, AP said:

No full day on the tools this week - Cairns Ironman next weekend - just light duties for a few days 💖

Thought you had a time machine.

Why not post a typical day including the time on the tools?

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My current partner forces me to train by consistently doing more hours than I do and finding events that give medals which she will have and I won't if I don't follow suit.  I love her very much but she is an utter sadist.

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2 minutes ago, Stikman said:

My current partner forces me to train by consistently doing more hours than I do and finding events that give medals which she will have and I won't if I don't follow suit.  I love her very much but she is an utter sadist.

Current partner.........

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Damn you autocorrect!  It was supposed to say "the love of my life".  😀

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2 minutes ago, Stikman said:

Damn you autocorrect!  It was supposed to say "the love of my life".  😀

Worst 'current partner' ever.

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16 minutes ago, Stikman said:

Damn you autocorrect!  It was supposed to say "the love of my life".  😀

500_F_250491179_3W6LV0OPw3hteWjqDvGxrtVV

 

Maybe "currant" partner

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4 hours ago, rory-dognz said:

Here is the secret

timeline

start at 5.15am ride 2hr, therefore end at 7.15am, have coffee/laugh (lets say 1/2hr), therefore 7.45am

get home at just after 7am, so lets say 7.15am.

therefore got home 1/2hr before left coffee, that time machine is the solution😉

I did a 2hr session on the trainer this morning. It took me a good 15min just to cool down & stop sweating.

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Move to Canberra ride in carport with gloves beanie ski socks no shirt.

i think my skinny praying mantis torso is exciting the neighbors

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1 hour ago, BarryBevan said:

Am hour is longer than a pm hour if you train at night you are Less committed 

I once read that ever hour you are asleep between 9-12 at night is worth 2 hours. 

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11 minutes ago, Peter said:

I once read that ever hour you are asleep between 9-12 at night is worth 2 hours. 

Is that the same for other bedroom activities?

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1 hour ago, Peter said:

I once read that ever hour you are asleep between 9-12 at night is worth 2 hours. 

Well I am asleep by 9

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3 hours ago, Cottoneyes said:

500_F_250491179_3W6LV0OPw3hteWjqDvGxrtVV

 

Maybe "currant" partner

No need to be raisin that in this thread.

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2 hours ago, Peter said:

I once read that ever hour you are asleep between 9-12 at night is worth 2 hours. 

Yeah that was Ali's trainer Angelo Dundee's theory and he used to say that to all his boxers. Whether it's true or not is another thing. A lot of people thought he made it up to keep Ali away from parties and girls. 

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8 hours ago, pieman said:

I was going to say he needed to pull out his abacus and check his maths...

Slide rule for his time and motion study too. 

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2 hours ago, FatPom said:

No need to be raisin that in this thread.

I just knew someone would have a wine about it

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Not a grape way for this thread to be going!!

 

images (4).jpeg

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