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Go Easy

Regrets - Do you have any?

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After recently becoming more aware of my own mortality, I've started thinking about what else it is that I want to achieve in life.  What have I already done, or not done, and what could I have done better.

I've already done a lot in my life, but there's still so much more that I want to do.  So so much to do, and so little time.  None of us live forever, so what is it that at the end of your days you'll be able to think 'gee I'm glad I did that'...  What is it that will leave you and others thinking 'now that was a life well lived'!

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How much time have you got???? I ain't done shit.

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I struggle to see the point in 'bucket lists' and similar, because at the end of days, I don't think it'll make any difference to me what I did or didn't do/say/know/whatever.

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regrets

Ive often wondered if I had of used my law degree, but it bored me no end getting it in the end and I couldn't take the pay hit to become a solicitor back then. 

I flew from NYC to London and my wife couldnt get an extra week of work, I would have loved to have stopped in Iceland on the way to london.  Dont want to go out of my way for iceland though but I did regret not breaking that flight.

wants

Sandakan death march and pay my respects. 50 next year, thinking maybe........

http://wildspiritadventures.com/all-treks/sandakan-death-march-2/

And I always wanted to see Lenin lying in State, I've seen Mao (all the way back in 1988) and wanted the quinella. So might get to Moscow one day.

I've never been to Anfield either, I've seen Liverpool play a few times but for whatever reason, I've never done that at Anfield. Growing up in Australia when I did and craig johnson trail blazing, there is simply no other team I could follow.  That will be done by Christmas though.

Drive, Id like to drive from Nth America (either San Fran, Seattle or Vancouver) to Anchorage as well. 

Grinch also put a remote paddle up on here once, that might be cool too and sits in the back of mind.

The world is so big, not sure I can limit myself to a wishlist but regrets, no not really.

Would love to be able to speak to my mum and dad again but that isn't possible.

 

 

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4 hours ago, goughy said:

How much time have you got????

Haha, hopefully 30 or 40 years, but you never really know what's just around the corner.  It was a recent skin cancer removal got me thinking.  Hopefully it's nothing major but I'm still waiting on some results.  I'd imagine I'll probably continue to feel a bit uneasy until I get the all clear.

Plus, I've lost a few youngish friends recently, and realise that the same thing can happen to any of us.

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25 minutes ago, Stikman said:

I've had a few, then again too few to mention.

'And now the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life that's full

I've travelled each and every highway

and more, much more than this

I did it my way.

Regrets I've had a few
But then again too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption'

 

 

 

Edited by Go Easy

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1 hour ago, Go Easy said:

'And now the end is near...

I think that was a sex-pistols song... and some other guy did a cover version too.

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One of my biggest regrets is stopping Tri's in 1990. I was still improving at the time. Who knows? I never will now.

I wish I'd traveled more when I was younger, and with my young family. One's left now and I can't get around like I used to, so that chance is gone.

 

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Plenty. 

It’s pretty sobering when you hit 50 and look around and see everything you’ve worked for over your whole life has added up to exactly zero. I’m talking materially here. I have my health, a good woman, a job that I don’t hate and a couple of kids and grandkids that I talk to now and then. 

Still, it’s hard not to regret a lot of the choices that I’ve made to get where I am now. 

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1 hour ago, Ex-Hasbeen said:

One of my biggest regrets is stopping Tri's in 1990. I was still improving at the time. Who knows?

Yep, I can relate to that.  I had the chance to get more serious about the sport when I was younger and never took it.

 

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1 hour ago, Ex-Hasbeen said:

I wish I'd traveled more when I was younger, and with my young family. One's left now and I can't get around like I used to, so that chance is gone.

Can also relate to this...  In fact it's my biggest regret.  Am still planning on doing more with them now they're adults but really wish I'd done more when they were younger.  We never had the money to go anywhere flash, but even doing more camping and cheaper holidays would have built a few more memories.  I guess we were still much better off than many other families.

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1 hour ago, downesy68 said:

I have my health, a good woman, a job that I don’t hate and a couple of kids and grandkids that I talk to now and then. 

Still, it’s hard not to regret a lot of the choices that I’ve made to get where I am now. 

That's better than most.  I also regret some of the choices that I've made in the past, but I try not to dwell on them, just learn from it. 

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Yep, a bit of travel would have been cool. Apart from the cruise my wife's father took the whole family on last year, I haven't spent a even 24hrs at one time outside of Queensland.  Haven't been outside of SEQ pretty much since I was 10.   Now Rob's sick it ain't gonna happen. Always wanted to take her back to Holland to see her extended family again; she lived there for a year after high school.  Them's the breaks.

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17 minutes ago, Go Easy said:

That's better than most.  I also regret some of the choices that I've made in the past, but I try not to dwell on them, just learn from it. 

Exactly. You completely readjust what’s important to you and learn to be thankful for what you do have, rather than yearn for what you don’t. 

I suppose my biggest regret is underestimating the impact my marriage breakdown has had on the relationship with my son. 

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Its a question Ive never asked myself. I believe that every day we are faced with choices, ranging in importance. I make each decision based on the information available to me at the time. I make it, live with it, and dont regret it. I trust my own judgement. Some choices work out well for me. Others dont. But I honestly never look back. Ive had 2 failed marriages and given the same set of circumstances, Id still make the same decision to marry them. At the time, it was a good decision. Didnt work out for a number of reasons. Too bad. The 2nd one financially ruined me ... so what, I move forward. Reinvent, refocus, never look back.

Regret does nothing. Looking back on poor decisions just makes you sad and bitter. Life is not fair. Its equally unfair to everyone and we shouldnt expect everything to turn out perfectly. Make your choices and move forward, always forward. Learn from mistakes but dont dwell on them. Thats how I live my life.

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18 minutes ago, Derny Driver said:

Regret does nothing. Looking back on poor decisions just makes you sad and bitter. Life is not fair. Its equally unfair to everyone and we shouldnt expect everything to turn out perfectly. Make your choices and move forward, always forward. Learn from mistakes but dont dwell on them. Thats how I live my life.

Exactly this. There are things that I would probably do differently if I had the option to do them again but I don't so that's that.

My life is brilliant now and that is the result of a long list of decisions and a whole lot of luck (both good and bad). Could it have been better if I had made different decisions? Maybe... but then it could just as easily have been worse...

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12 hours ago, XCOM! said:

I think that was a sex-pistols song... and some other guy did a cover version too.

The cover was probably a better version. :)

 

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I like The Saints version of Lipstick On Your Collar....

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I agree with most of what you're saying Derny & Monkie, except the bit about regret necessarily making people sad & bitter.  I've got a few regrets but wouldn't consider myself sad & bitter.  In fact I am extremely thankful for the life I've had.

Regret is not just feeling sad over the things you did do (and I've got very few of those as even bad experiences are all great experiences), but it can also be over the things that you didn't do... and it's that regret that motivates me to make the most of the time I've got left.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” - Mark Twain

In the time I've got left I intend to continue to cast off the bowline and set sail on new adventures... I just don't really know which way to sail.  Hence the question that I posed at the start of this thread, at the end of your life what will have been important to you.

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I guess to answer my own question the answer would be 'to live a life that's full'!

I'm just not so sure what to fill the rest of it up with...  time with family, travel & charity work are all obvious options, but I still feel like something's missing.

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I have no regrets but a couple of what ifs 

The first one was stopping triathlons when I was just starting to knock off and be competitive against the big boys at the time a few more race smarts and I think I could’ve kicked on one of my last races I went head to head with Lessing and Amos who were current 1 2 in the world got pipped was sitting in the top five of the French gp etc

but my heart wasn’t in it at the time so it turned out brilliantly my girlfriend at the time who I met in the gold coast whilst training with Col ( bloody nervous as telling him I’m moving back to Sydney to chase the girl of my dreams)is now my wife we have 3 great kids I’ve left the city and stoped chasing the dollars for a simpler life and spend way more time with the kids before they brush me.

so definitely no regret because of how it turned out.

the other one I often think of is not doing a couple of full seasons in indo surfing in the mid 90,s it definitely wouldn’t of been as quite as the 80,s but gezzus it would have been good ..... but if I did that I wouldn’t have lived in France and travel the wirld racing etc so all good I definitely don’t dwell in it

i really enjoyed watching the boys over the years kick on and dedicate themselves to racing and gaining world titles and Olympic medals and teams etc they deserve it for all the hard years before hand .that not many people know about , eg sleeping in the back of a van across the seats with Beven Docherty and Crowie to save hotel cost eating a banana and baguette as a staple meal to race and win coin to get to the next race funny times😂 

No REGRETS 

 

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Regrets? Yes 

 

Moving from Mackay to Melbourne. It was the decision/discussion that started to end my marriage. 

 

Lessons learnt. 

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3 minutes ago, FFF1077 said:

Regrets? Yes 

 

Moving from Mackay to Melbourne. It was the decision/discussion that started to end my marriage. 

 

Lessons learnt. 

Don't talk to your wife?  :lol:

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My regret was that I hadn't done anything for work other than boring old IT and and I had no cool stories to tell in the caravan park when I retire.  I changed careers to what I thought was the ultimate dream job, working in a very high profile Government job. 

It didn't work out due to a number of issues including a workplace injury.

Now I'm back in IT and not loving life as I was in my new old career :-(

 

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On 14/04/2018 at 7:28 PM, Go Easy said:

 I also regret some of the choices that I've made in the past, but I try not to dwell on them, just learn from it. 

I regret almost every decision I've made in my life. I try to take the lessons, but I mostly just feel regret.

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4 hours ago, Katz said:

I regret almost every decision I've made in my life. I try to take the lessons, but I mostly just feel regret.

It's ok to feel sad or disappointed sometimes in life, but nobody should have to feel that way Katz.  I feel like reaching out and giving you a virtual (old man but non-creepy) hug.  Unless you've cut out a profile pic of your daughter, you're still reasonably young, and still have a lot more living to do and decisions to make.  As others have said on here, it is important to learn from these past regrets to help you make better decisions in the future.

We've got a sign on our wall here that say's...

'Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful'.

Hopefully by the end of your life you'll also be able to sing...

'Regrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention'.

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not buying that 2 bedroom unit at McMahon's Point (with 180 degree views of the harbour) for $225,000 because we would have had to rewire the ceiling lights.  Decided to go overseas for six weeks instead.....  It was a good trip tho.

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12 minutes ago, Cat Lady said:

not buying that 2 bedroom unit at McMahon's Point (with 180 degree views of the harbour) for $225,000 because we would have had to rewire the ceiling lights.  Decided to go overseas for six weeks instead.....  It was a good trip tho.

Ouch!!! 

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Spending as much time training as I did and not giving my wife my undivided attention. What I could give to replay all those times I was too tired to talk... Biggest regret which eats at me often!

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- Not paying enough attention at school. (too busy being the class clown)

- Re-financing the home loan to put a pool in

- Wasting the first 8 years of my career at my current job.

- drinking too much and gambling too much

All of the above things I regret but I have made changes to fix them all.

I'm back studying, paying extra off our mortgage, been sober 3 years & don't play the pokies anymore. My career has gone nuts in the last 6 years and I'm now loving my role and the company I work for.

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I have a few regrets. It's mainly about things I could have done and didn't do (but thought at the time I will regret later if I didn't do:D). Most of the regrets are only small - nothing big, so I do not worry about it.

It's funny, one of my bigger regrets I had was around the time I spent with my kids. I worked long hours and played a lot of sport. I thought I did not spend enough time with them. However, I spoke to both my kids and the missus last year about this exact situation. They all said that I gave them all the love, help, direction and support that they needed/wanted - they couldn't have asked for more. I guess sometimes your regrets can be unwarranted.  

On ‎15‎/‎04‎/‎2018 at 8:58 AM, Go Easy said:

I'm just not so sure what to fill the rest of it up with...  time with family, travel & charity work are all obvious options, but I still feel like something's missing.

GE, I have been feeling the same the last few years. I have come to the realisation that I do not live in the moment but treat everything as a process. As an example, when I have friends around, I am ensuring there is enough food/laughter etc then thinking what I am doing the next day (train, mow lawn, get the groceries, what am I cooking for dinner - fitting everything in), then what is happening next week (work, training etc - planning to fit everything in). I am not relaxing and just enjoying the moment but treating ever part of my life as a project (plan, risk assess, keep the objectives ticking over etc). I am trying hard at the moment to enjoy what I do rather than just doing and moving on.

It does take an effort but I am trying to enjoy things more rather than just doing.

FM

 

Edited by Flanman
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On 4/14/2018 at 7:18 PM, Ex-Hasbeen said:

I wish I'd traveled more when I was younger, and with my young family. One's left now and I can't get around like I used to, so that chance is gone.

I agree with this one.  When I finished UNI, I had the chance to travel with the then GF and best mate and his GF to europe.  They went for 4 months and my mate and his wife still talk about it today (24 years later.)  I didn't go because I wanted to use the money to buy a car. 

It took me another 17 years to go and I was only there for 3 weeks.

I also regret not making better investments earlier. Not being a tight arse but being smarter. I bought a unit in Hornsby for $215K about 20 year ago.  I noticed about 6 months ago it sold for 1.3millions.  I didn't need to sell it at the time for 260K, but did because the tentants were farktards and it all got annoying.  And I sold a heap of shares when I did kona in 2011 so we could have a great holiday (which we did, except for the race itself)

But that's about it.  I spend heaps of time with my daughter and wife and love every minute.  I train heaps less as I lost my father early and realised how important family is.  Sport can be done still.  I don;t need to be the best despite what others think. Finishing is okay in events. Not having a family because I need to be training every evening or early morning would suck.

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1 hour ago, Peter said:

  I don;t need to be the best despite what others think. Finishing is okay in events. Not having a family because I need to be training every evening or early morning would suck.

Agree. I would rather cross the line to a hug from my daughter & wife, than crossing the line to a Kona spot & empty hotel room.

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Every time I think of things I’d change or regret I think of where I am and the whole sliding doors thing where anything I may change in the past would change where I ended up, and apart from the whole dodgy hip thing I’m pretty happy where I am. 

The tornado was a regrettable incident but we came out if it in good shape with a house better than we had, are mortgage free,  I’m punching well above my weight with the Mrs, Am thinking about maybe making an offer on a waterfront place here but that may lead to me regretting having a mortgage again....... but the view!!! 

the only thing I currently regret is not being better able to help my son who is doing it real tough with adhd and severe anxiety but we are trying hard. 

 

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I regret nothing I have ever done .... otherwise I wouldn't have done it at the time. 

But the question is valid. And, as I approach the next age-group in life, I have faced the same thinking. 

At the moment, I live 2 days a week in Ireland and commute to London for work. Mondays are an 0400 start and I finish about 2300. Fridays, I don't get home until midnight. During the course of a year, I will spend 15 and a half days traveling to and from airports. All to live in another country to afford a house I don't live in and away from my wife and the dog. I have to maintain a separate apartment in London and two cars to get around for work. And When I get home at weekends, I am often too knackered to train and just want to crawl up and go to sleep. Also, I know very few people in the country and those I do meet have often found their friendship groups and don't want / need any more friends. And we live in a house that has the insulating properties of Swiss cheese, hasn't been maintained to date, requires 3 days a week of upkeep (I have 2!) and with which I have no great affinity.

Do I regret doing this? Only time will tell. 

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8 hours ago, Dalai said:

Spending as much time training as I did and not giving my wife my undivided attention. What I could give to replay all those times I was too tired to talk... Biggest regret which eats at me often!

Judging by the way you talk of your wife you obviously loved her very much.  I can't imagine that you were ever ignorant of her and her needs and I'm sure she must have known how much you loved and cared for her.  I lost my mum suddenly when I was 21, and then my sister to suicide several years later.  I don't think I actually ever told either of them that I loved them even though I loved them both very much.  I now regret not taking the time to tell them how I felt, but as Flanman states above maybe some of our regrets are unwarranted, maybe I didn't need to tell them how I felt because hopefully they already knew.  We can wish we had more time with our loved ones, but I think we also need to be thankful for the time we had.  It was good and that's why we miss it so much.

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7 hours ago, Rimmer said:

I regret nothing I have ever done .... otherwise I wouldn't have done it at the time. 

But the question is valid. And, as I approach the next age-group in life, I have faced the same thinking. 

At the moment, I live 2 days a week in Ireland and commute to London for work. Mondays are an 0400 start and I finish about 2300. Fridays, I don't get home until midnight. During the course of a year, I will spend 15 and a half days traveling to and from airports. All to live in another country to afford a house I don't live in and away from my wife and the dog. I have to maintain a separate apartment in London and two cars to get around for work. And When I get home at weekends, I am often too knackered to train and just want to crawl up and go to sleep. Also, I know very few people in the country and those I do meet have often found their friendship groups and don't want / need any more friends. And we live in a house that has the insulating properties of Swiss cheese, hasn't been maintained to date, requires 3 days a week of upkeep (I have 2!) and with which I have no great affinity.

Do I regret doing this? Only time will tell. 

A wise man once told me 'you have most of your jigsaw there, it's a just a couple of pieces missing to be the perfect picture, but you'll get them'.

Who was that then? :whistling:

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15 hours ago, Flanman said:

II have come to the realisation that I do not live in the moment but treat everything as a process. As an example, when I have friends around, I am ensuring there is enough food/laughter etc then thinking what I am doing the next day (train, mow lawn, get the groceries, what am I cooking for dinner - fitting everything in), then what is happening next week (work, training etc - planning to fit everything in). I am not relaxing and just enjoying the moment but treating ever part of my life as a project (plan, risk assess, keep the objectives ticking over etc). I am trying hard at the moment to enjoy what I do rather than just doing and moving on.

It does take an effort but I am trying to enjoy things more rather than just doing.

FM

 

I could have written that Mick.

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1 hour ago, FatPom said:

A wise man once told me 'you have most of your jigsaw there, it's a just a couple of pieces missing to be the perfect picture, but you'll get them'.

Who was that then? :whistling:

A wise man once told me ... "you can make strawberry jam out of pig sh1t .... but it tastes pretty awful!!!"

My Dad had such a turn of phrase when it suited him!

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@Go EasyAgreed that I was fortunate to share 18 years together. Will eventually get back to remembering the pre-cancer days - unfortunately the strongest memories are still that last year and her taking her last breath in my arms.

I often told her I loved her already, but fortunate too in that it wasn't sudden and that it initially responded to the Chemo (was always know being Grade 3 Stage 4 it was only a temporary solution)  as that allowed me to spend every moment of those last 53 weeks from diagnosis with her.

I ended up taking over 16 weeks off as carers leave including two stints living in the hospital room. 2 Weeks while she undertook whole head radiotherapy when it replapsed the first time after Chemo and the last 9 weeks when we tried our last option with self funded dosages of Keytruda... Got to tell her frequently how much I loved her and she was able to reciprocate till those last weeks.

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I can empathize with that, albeit different circumstances. I took care of my father when he went from diagnosis of Stage-4 melanoma with multiple brain metastases, through whole-brain radio and starting immune-therapy, to last-breath, in just under 10-weeks. Relentlessly overwhelming and devastating are my memories of that, with no time to cope as it shattered every hope and very little comfort in the way of dignity.

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Dalai, whilst I did that with my mum for 4 months (and chemo for 6 years), I cannot imagine it with your soul mate. Sometimes you feel like you wish you hadn't put your heart into someone because it can get broken. However, you will agree that not having those 18 years would have been worse.

Love and heartbreak are two of the strongest human feelings. It tough.

You should be proud and smile with joy as to the times you had a choice to be soul mates. You cannot change the situation you were in at the end but she knew you were there for her and you knew that she loved you.

Mick

  

Edited by Flanman
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