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The Customer

What gets on my quince....

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You know what really gets on my quince? DOGITs. Dogwalking Old Gits In Tracksuits. I used to hate those MAMIL cyclists until I realised they are nothing compared to the plagues of DOGITs I see infesting the footpaths every morning. They are out there every morning walking their mangy mutts and talking loudly while lazy sods like me are trying to sleep in.

Why do they have to walk from place to place? Why cant they just walk their dog up and down a block of land somewhere away from everyone else. Im sure there there is a dog walking place somewhere where they could do that. Why do they need to clog the footpaths? I lost 10 seconds of my life the other day trying to get past an old bloke with a Border Collie.

These DOGIT types love to walk side by side and talk, I actually think that its as much about socialising as it is about exercising. They will tell you that its all about being healthy but if it was they would be walking single file – which is how they should be walking. No need to chat, you can do that at the coffee shop later. Single file please.

Footpaths were made for feet and just because dogs have feet doesn’t mean they should be allowed to walk on them. Just like things with small wheels shouldn’t be on roads, things with small feet like dogs and small children shouldn’t be on footpaths. I have big feet and Im entitled to be on the path and I’ll knock you over if you get in my way.

And I will abuse these arrogant gits. Im a tolerant and accepting person who cares about refugees and marginalised people, I voted Yes for gay marriage and I will politely address Trans people by their preferred pronoun. But I will intimidate and abuse these fookers if I see them anywhere near me and I see no problem with that.

Some of us actually have to work unlike these D heads who just seem to exercise and drink soy lattes all morning. It takes me ages to get my smoko because the café is clogged with these DOGITS. Mate I don’t need to see your arse crack poking out of your tracky dacks while Im waiting for my pie and chips thanks. Nor your fat wife in her active wear. Nobody should be subjected to seeing that at 9am in the morning.

I was at the Maccas drive thru in me Ford Ranger the other morning and I saw a couple of DOGITs cross the road on the red signal. It was 6am and there was no-one on the road but eff me, if the little man is flashing red it means don’t walk. One DOGIT was wearing an AJAX Amsterdam shirt with some poofy soccer players name on it so I suspect they were imports from one of those unregulated European countries where governments are too lazy to think up rules. Apparently people can use their own judgement over there, I wouldn’t know, Ive never travelled. But this is Australia buddy and we have have rules, lots of rules and you better start keeping the rules.

Id actually like to see these dog walkers registered, and before you tell me that dogs ARE registered already, well some of them aren’t registered and you cant tell which ones are and aren’t unless you carry a microchip sensor with you everywhere which is just silly. So they need some sort of large visible dog tag so they can be reported if they do something wrong. And not just the dogs but the actual walkers too need to be identified.

And finally, what is it with the clothing? Logos everywhere. Saw some bloke with Puma written about 4 times all over his tracksuit and his mate was wearing a top with ‘Kathmandu’ written on the front. Mate you’re not in the Alps de France. You’re not in a race to the top of Everest, you’re just walking to the park so stop acting like a big poser and wear something normal.

I don’t own a dog, Ive never owned a dog, and I don’t understand this stupid thing you do. Im a cat person. You don’t walk cats. So either get yourself a cat, or go walk your dog somewhere else. Not on my footpath. When you start paying for footpaths and registering yourself then you can walk there. Maybe. Well probably not. Not near me. Eff off.

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13 minutes ago, Derny Driver said:

Just like things with small wheels shouldn’t be on roads

My bike has bigger (diameter) wheels than my car..... should i drive on the footpath? :confused1:

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9 minutes ago, Turts said:

My bike has bigger (diameter) wheels than my car..... should i drive on the footpath? :confused1:

Im not interested in your facts. Im only interested in my own opinion. ;)

Edited by Derny Driver
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1 hour ago, Derny Driver said:

Im not interested in your facts. Im only interested in my own opinion. ;)

Arent these alternative facts nowadays? 

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On 31/12/2017 at 1:03 PM, Derny Driver said:

DOGITs

Derny, that is hilarious because it’s true!

Love your work.

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And that's me as well Derny, at least in winter!  

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