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The end

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Interesting conversation with a terminal cancer sufferer yesterday. Has a few months to go and is in a home. Seeing things with amazing clarity and acceptance. Is aware of health directives available. His only beef was that we are allowed to live too long

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My mums at the end of her days. Still worries about everyone else and never complians. Selfless...

I don't know how she does it. I think only her religion stops her wanting to pull the pin, but she's very firm about no IC and has a "do not resuscitate" in place as soon as she goes to hospital - been there 5 times in last 3/4 months.

Much braver than I will ever be.

Edited by Mjainoz
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What does he mean by that Merv?

I'd say he is a pro euthanasia supporter.

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I would say that the treatment giving out to "terminal" cancer sufferers is excessive, too painful.

 

They need proper pain relief. What more? Not feeding tubes and large bore catheters.

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Wow, sorry to hear Merv, even if you did or did not know him well. i don't know how i would feel if diagnosed with something. terminal. I do know life is short. Not just a cliche, but just think how quickly 1 year goes by, then think how quickly 5 years goes by.

 

i have come to the conclusion recently that i personally need to take a few more risks and get more out of life.

 

Being single recently and still in text contact with my ex who threatens to take her own life, isn't easy to focus on myself, but i have to.

 

 

we all should. From Persian poet Rumi and reprised on Coldplays new number one album:

 

This being human is a guest house

Every morning a new arrival
A joy, a depression, a meanness
Some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor
Welcome and entertain them all!
Be grateful for whoever comes
Because each has been sent as a guide

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Sorry to read that Merv, although that was longer than he wanted in the end I hope he ticked a few things on the bucket list, even if it was just saying goodby.

 

My mum's back in hospital, 37kgs... hurts every time I see her but it's nothing vs what she endures. While it will break my heart, like Merv I think it goes on too long.

Edited by Mjainoz

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As difficult as it might be, i try and remember them as the person they were, not as they end up as

Edited by Merv
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As difficult as it might be, i try and remember them as the person they were, not as they end up as

 

My father died young and I only have good memories of him and I am glad of this. I didn't see him in his last few weeks when he had clearly made a bad turn and wasn't well at all. But talking on the phone, he still sounded great.

 

But I'll tell you now, I farking miss him even 15 years later. For the first 12 months I used to still pick up the phone and call his number forgetting he wasn't with us.

 

Even now just thinking about his I tear up.

 

He was a great and generous man.

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My best mate died from cancer 9 years ago now. Not a week goes by I don't miss our daily calls (and they were every single day). His wife and kids gifted me his last road bike and I still ride it and will never replace it unless it should break.

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My father died young and I only have good memories of him and I am glad of this. I didn't see him in his last few weeks when he had clearly made a bad turn and wasn't well at all. But talking on the phone, he still sounded great.

 

But I'll tell you now, I farking miss him even 15 years later. For the first 12 months I used to still pick up the phone and call his number forgetting he wasn't with us.

Even now just thinking about his I tear up.

He was a great and generous man.

My dad died 5 years ago. We were never really close. But boy I miss him. I still remember the first time I picked up the phone to call him ... And realised he wasn't there anymore. Not looking forward to that feeling again but I know it's close with my mum.
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my dad died about 7 years ago, cancer. I had trouble handling it. Everyone took turns spending the overnight in hospital, and when it was my turn i didn't want to.He died the next night after i had also just left the hospital. Biggest regret in my life, was not spending that one night with him.

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Lost my mum 2 years ago after a 6 year battle with cancer. She put up with a lot and never complained. Just like you Mjainoz, her strong religion kept here going. She lost her sister 15 month before with cancer and nursed her, even while she was sick herself. She had a hard life with little money but she said her fortune was family, friends plus looking after those worse off than her through volunteering with St Vinnies (food, accommodation and furniture provider). She finally got a small amount of money from here sister's estate the week after she was told that here cancer was inoperable. She lasted 6 months.

 

Even when she was in the Hammondville Palliative Hospital in her last month, she was talking with terminal patients to help them. A truly remarkable woman.

 

People say, we pack up our parent's stuff and really, there are only photos and mementoes left however, I disagree. The people they leave and how they are touched through their lives is their legacy. And her legacy was huge.

 

A very hard time still and I think of her almost everyday. I take her soft bag to races with me and pack my stuff in. She used to love going on drives.

 

 

FM

Edited by Flanman
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Agree Nealo. The old man has been diagnosed with secondary cancer. He is 88, so has had a good long life, considering mum went 25 years ago. Has always been very independent and fit. Lived up at Lake Cathie and has always volunteered at Port Ironman and 70.3. Those that have raced would have seen him as you head over the bridge at Lake Cathie and head up that small hill. He was always at the end of his street being the road marshal.

 

The specialist has told us that there is nothing they can do for him. No chemo nor radiotherapy. My sister has brought him down to Sydney for us to look after him before he goes into palliative care. A good man from a special generation. Came from a family of 11 kids, lived through the depression, served in the WW2 and brought his little family out to Australia to give us a better life. We hope to make this Christmas a good one for him.

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Sorry to read that Merv, although that was longer than he wanted in the end I hope he ticked a few things on the bucket list, even if it was just saying goodby.

 

My mum's back in hospital, 37kgs... hurts every time I see her but it's nothing vs what she endures. While it will break my heart, like Merv I think it goes on too long.

So today my mum finally had relief from the pain and slipped away. Down to 34kgs, rddled with pain and lungs barely functioning (never smoked) and even with increasing levels of morphine needed.

 

It went on 2/3 months too long. From the time she could no longer stand really.

 

I'll miss her. And I fear will more than I now know.

 

We need to find a way to legally stop keeping people alive that are no longer living, and no longer wish to be here. Adding in the incredible pain many suffer - we need to stop this. We wouldn't be allowed to let it happen to a dog ....

Edited by Mjainoz
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Mjainoz - that sounds like my grandmother. I remember them bringing her out of hospital for her last christmas. I was only 14....she looked scary...(remember I was 14 back then). I cannot imagine what my younger sister was thinking (she would have been 11) and our cousins (the ranging from 1yo to 4yo).

 

All she was for the last 4 months (she died in Feb 1992) was bed ridden and more like a husk :(

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So today my mum finally had relief from the pain and slipped away.

 

Very sorry for you but take solace in her suffering has ended. I'm tearing up right now just thinking back to my mum and dad :( It's dad's birthday today, he would have been 93.

Edited by trinube
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Mick I'm glad she's at peace but sad days ahead for you as the reality sinks in. There's nothing the same as losing your mum, a huge wrench. Nearly 18 years for me and the urge to call her has finally gone. But the other day I heard a Beethoven sonata she played for the first time since she died and I could still see her fingers on the keys. It took my breath away.

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Mum has always been the glue that kept the family together. Since her becoming bedridden, petty jealousies that had remained dormant for years have risen to the surface. Quite the opposite of what i expected of family during this time

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So today my mum finally had relief from the pain and slipped away. Down to 34kgs, rddled with pain and lungs barely functioning (never smoked) and even with increasing levels of morphine needed.

It went on 2/3 months too long. From the time she could no longer stand really.

I'll miss her. And I fear will more than I now know.

We need to find a way to legally stop keeping people alive that are no longer living, and no longer wish to be here. Adding in the incredible pain many suffer - we need to stop this. We wouldn't be allowed to let it happen to a dog ....

Thinking of you, hugs

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Thanks all. And thoughts to those in pain. Thankfully my sister and I are on the same page. We are not close but this might bring us back together.

 

Funny. 54 and I still feel like a kid that's a bit lost without his parents at least today.

 

Anyhow. Having some fun looking at old photos :).

Edited by Mjainoz
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Thanks all. And thoughts to those in pain. Thankfully my sister and I are on the same page. We are not close but this might bring us back together.

 

Funny. 54 and I still feel like a kid that's a bit lost without his parents at least today.

 

Anyhow. Having some fun looking at old photos :).

 

Wow, some spooky similarities. When mum died I was 55. There's just my sister and I and whilst we've never had any issues, we'd be lucky to speak once a year at Xmas. We were very much on the same page with regards everything (including the hardest decision to stop treatment) and it made a huge difference to making it as easy as possible. I was executor of the will but included my sister in everything because we'd seen our cousins split irreconcilably after their mum died.

 

We actually speak a lot more now and try to catch up with the families. You realise they are all that is left of your 'original' family and it's a kick in the arse to remember how important they really are.

 

Feeling lost is normal, I still do on occasion. I also break down sometimes just out of nowhere.

 

I wish you and your sister well, with the loss of your mum you might just rediscover a relationship with your sister. Your mum would probably like that :)

 

Oh and on the photos, I don't know if you have kids but we had a great time sitting down with our kids and showing them photos from when we were kids - right back to baby photos - it was great.

Edited by trinube

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Wow, some spooky similarities. When mum died I was 55. There's just my sister and I and whilst we've never had any issues, we'd be lucky to speak once a year at Xmas. We were very much on the same page with regards everything (including the hardest decision to stop treatment) and it made a huge difference to making it as easy as possible. I was executor of the will but included my sister in everything because we'd seen our cousins split irreconcilably after their mum died.

 

We actually speak a lot more now and try to catch up with the families. You realise they are all that is left of your 'original' family and it's a kick in the arse to remember how important they really are.

 

Feeling lost is normal, I still do on occasion. I also break down sometimes just out of nowhere.

 

I wish you and your sister well, with the loss of your mum you might just rediscover a relationship with your sister. Your mum would probably like that :)

 

Oh and on the photos, I don't know if you have kids but we had a great time sitting down with our kids and showing them photos from when we were kids - right back to baby photos - it was great.

Thanks. Good words.

Yep 2 kids. Girls. 10 and 14. They are loving the photos. Black and whites square ones with white boarders seem to be the fav.

Looking at them one of the funny things is how many people have commented what a good sort my mum was at 20.

Always a hard thing to get your head around that old people were good looking once.

I tell my kids I was once too ! :)

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So today my mum finally had relief from the pain and slipped away. Down to 34kgs, rddled with pain and lungs barely functioning (never smoked) and even with increasing levels of morphine needed.

 

It went on 2/3 months too long. From the time she could no longer stand really.

 

I'll miss her. And I fear will more than I now know.

 

We need to find a way to legally stop keeping people alive that are no longer living, and no longer wish to be here. Adding in the incredible pain many suffer - we need to stop this. We wouldn't be allowed to let it happen to a dog ....

 

Mick, sorry to hear this. We are at that age mate.

 

My Dad passed away last night. He had a pretty bad last two months, but went relatively quickly.

 

He was wearing one of his Port Ironman volunteer t-shirts when they took him to hospital. He was really proud of the sport and of all of us. He would always ask which one of my friends was racing so he could cheer for them as they went through Lake Cathie.

 

Take care of each other team. Even if we don't always agree, we need to look after each other.

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Mick, sorry to hear this. We are at that age mate.

 

My Dad passed away last night. He had a pretty bad last two months, but went relatively quickly.

 

Sincerest condolences Mr F.

Everything I said to Mjainoz applies to you as well. Take care of yourself and appreciate what family you have.

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Mick, sorry to hear this. We are at that age mate.

My Dad passed away last night. He had a pretty bad last two months, but went relatively quickly.

He was wearing one of his Port Ironman volunteer t-shirts when they took him to hospital. He was really proud of the sport and of all of us. He would always ask which one of my friends was racing so he could cheer for them as they went through Lake Cathie.

Take care of each other team. Even if we don't always agree, we need to look after each other.

Sorry to hear mate.

Yep we are at that age.

re "Take care of each other team. Even if we don't always agree, we need to look after each other.: yep Merv's thread has helped me through this and like the mental health thread the support of the group is wonderful.

 

Edited by Mjainoz

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Sorry to hear mate. My emotions are still raw after a few years of losing my mum. Don't forget to celebrate her life and what she did for you, your family and friends. You were blessed to have been so lucky.

 

No matter what, she will always be a part of you. Talk regularly about her and the great stuff she did.

 

Mick

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Sorry Mark, I didn't read yours until we spoke today. My words to Mjainoz goes for you and your dad as well.

 

FM

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Just got the call I have been dreading. Mum is not expected to make the night (uk time). Dad although reasonably healthy doesn't sound like he is doing too well with it all. Certainly glad we went "home" at Christmas for a visit with the kids.

 

Pulmonary fibrosis is a horrible way to go, her mind is still 100% but the body has been slowly fading away.

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Really sorry to hear that Roxii. As you know, I'm in a similar boat and every call I see from the UK I think: is this the one. It's tough living so far away at moments like this. You, your family and your Dad have my best wishes and thoughts through this tough time.

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Just got the call I have been dreading. Mum is not expected to make the night (uk time). Dad although reasonably healthy doesn't sound like he is doing too well with it all. Certainly glad we went "home" at Christmas for a visit with the kids.

 

Pulmonary fibrosis is a horrible way to go, her mind is still 100% but the body has been slowly fading away.

 

Sorry to hear mate, very difficult position for you and the family. I know only too well the feeling of seeing a parent slipping away.

 

I can only wish you the best and that when the times comes it is mercifully quick and painless.

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Just got the call I have been dreading.

 

Pulmonary fibrosis is a horrible way to go, her mind is still 100% but the body has been slowly fading away.

Mate. I'm sorry to read this. It's the same thing my mum had - same re mental state.

Thoughts with you.

Edited by Mjainoz

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Sorry to hear this Roxii. Had my Dad's funeral yesterday. Tough time for a lot of us. I hope you are OK. It is especially hard with your parents being on the other side of the world.

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Yep just got the news a few hours ago. She is at peace now.

Packing to leave tomorrow.

Thanks guys

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Sorry to hear. A hard time but also a time for celebrating one of the people that made you what you are.

 

FM

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sorry to hear of so much loss over such a short period. some consolation that it sounds like they all had full lives, living to their later years.

 

it's also sad to hear of families struggling to work together when you need each other most. my daughter asked me the other day how many cousins I have, I couldn't answer her as things went sour with an aunty post my grandmother's death. five I know of....

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Thanks guys its amazing how much difference a few kind and understanding words can make.

 

Funny family gets a mention my sister (there are only two of us kids) couldn't see her way clear to travel for the funeral. She txt me on the way to the airport to say she wasnt "able" to come.

No real reason, she has the means, her kids are old both working so Im sure its just that her husband is being a knob and Im sure would have said something along the lines of "well she's already dead, why bother" .

 

So now Im left to answer the rest for my relatives when they ask why my sister isn't there for her mothers funeral.

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Thanks guys its amazing how much difference a few kind and understanding words can make.

 

Funny family gets a mention my sister (there are only two of us kids) couldn't see her way clear to travel for the funeral. She txt me on the way to the airport to say she wasnt "able" to come.

No real reason, she has the means, her kids are old both working so Im sure its just that her husband is being a knob and Im sure would have said something along the lines of "well she's already dead, why bother" .

 

So now Im left to answer the rest for my relatives when they ask why my sister isn't there for her mothers funeral.

 

It's unfortunate but let it go through to the keeper Roxii - nothing good's going to come from having dramas with your sister over it. I don't think your mum would have wanted to be the cause of problems between you.

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