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The Mental Health thread

Mental Health  

309 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you suffer from a mental illness?

    • Yes
      98
    • No
      174
    • Maybe - yet to see a doctor about it
      39
  2. 2. Do you know someone who suffers a mental illness

    • Yes
      251
    • No
      33
    • Don't know but suspect they do
      27


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Don't give up on your kids Ayto, write them birthday cards, send them letters etc, keep telling them you love them, it appears there is some coercing going on from the mothers side.  your ex probably wont give them to them, but you will always know that you never did give up and when they are older i certainly hope they understand you never gave up and you can have some sort of relationship with your kids without their mothers influence.

My wifes dad gave up on her when she was a lot younger than your kids are and its had a profound effect on her, she is never in a good place with how things are with her father.

Full credit to Belinda here to mate, she sounds amazing, and i hope she keeps pushing you to keep fighting.

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5 hours ago, Ayto said:

 

I have attempted to speak with both children over the phone. My daughter (13) simply wasn't interested and telling me "refer to the message, it's all there" and my son (11), when I asked when I would see them next told me "when I get rid of Belinda".

Are you kidding me?

I don't know what has happened, what has been said or how they have been influenced to end up in this position, but something has happened. My ex refuses to communicate with me to advise anything (piss poor). Not even the guts to contact me to say a word.

..........

My daughter birthday was yesterday. She was supposed to spend time (as allowed for in the orders) with us which obviously didn't happen. I didn't contact her at all. I won't be contacting my son next week either.

 

Don't give up on your kids mate.  I know it's easy to say from afar, and I don't know what you're going through.  But they sound like theyre young enough that what they're saying isn't necessarily what they think-  they are pretty heavily influenced by their mother.

 

If you give up on them, when they get older they will remember that, and you'll be the bad guy.  I'd try and keeps the effort up so that at least the door is open for the kids to contact you if/when they decide so without you haveing burnt those bridges. 

 

Good luke mate.  Sounds pretty sucky. 

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This is heartbreaking Ayto and I think your reaction is completely understandable.

Fingers crossed that with a little time you can find the strength to keep working to maintain whatever bond is possible with your kids.

Can't think of much else to say except that this truly, deeply and absolutely sucks.

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Guest FFF1077

Ayto 

I am in a similar situation. Definitely not the same, but separated with a kid. I feel physically sick reading this. Take care of yourself and your wife. 

 

You are a bloody champion, and so is Belinda. I agree with what some have said, keep sending cards and letters, even if you are the one benefiting from it. Like others have said, ONE DAY, your kids will appreciate it and realise the epic amount of love you have for them. 

 

Be kind to yourself and take care mate. 

 

Sam 

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Thanks for all the responses guys. This is an awesome place to be able to vent without judgement.

I hear what everyone is saying. I know that if I just let them go it will be next to impossible to re-build a relationship with them and it will be seen as me giving up on them, being the bad guy.

But you know what, I already am the bad guy. Simply because I have remarried (and I'm happy) whilst poor mum is stuck on her own.

Doesn't matter that she ended our marriage to be with someone else, she has managed to convince the kids and everyone else (and I'm sure, herself) otherwise.

I can't win because I have chosen to (eventually) move on and be happy. 

I have done all the letters, presents, phone calls, texts, birthday cards etc last time I was alienated. It did squat because we are back where we started.

I know they are being unduly influenced, however both are very, very smart kids and they know and understand the consequences of what they have said and their behaviour. I have been very mindful of communicating with them directly as well as via family counselling around what we need to do to keep this family strong, what my expectations are around behaviour, and the importance of communication.

I don't know what else to do. Nothing works because we have such a bitter, spiteful influence sitting on the other side working to undo any of my efforts of having a decent relationship with my kids.

At this point, I'm too tired emotionally, and too sick of throwing good money after bad, to go in and fight again like I have for the last 5 or 6 years. I'm spent.

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Guest FFF1077

Maybe just writing the letters and cards and not posting them will help you? 

 

I know that I have done that with an email address for my daughter. I email her once a fortnight with some thoughts on what is happening in our lives at that time and a couple of pictures of stuff. Her mum makes enough money to put a fair whack away for her, I can't do that, so I am paying by way of love and the tears I shed writing the emails to her. 

And I have constant contact with her, besides a weekend off every two weeks. I really couldn't imagine what you are feeling Ayto ????

I will give her the password and address after she's 21. 

 

Just a thought mate ?

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20 hours ago, Ayto said:

 

At this point, I'm too tired emotionally, and too sick of throwing good money after bad, to go in and fight again like I have for the last 5 or 6 years. I'm spent.

It's probably easy for people to say "carry on fighting for your kids" but I can imagine how emotionally taxing it must be. I'd be tempted to throw in the towel too. Send them xmas cards, birthday cards and wait for them to come around. It might not be until they're 18, which is very sad, but trying to maintain a relationship with your kids sounds futile as long as they are having their heads filled with crap by their Mum. 

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I reckon FFF's idea is a great one re the email account. 

That way if at anytime they do come around and ask why you "stopped caring" or "stopped loving them" or whatever else they are being led to believe you can show them a verified timeline of your feelings towards them. 

Might also be good therapy. 

Either way only you can decide what is best for you, all I cN offer is best wishes mate. 

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Steve, I feel for you mate. Can't really offer anything except maybe get a session with a child phycologist and see if they can give you any direction on how best to approach things. My daughter (now 18) has her moments and she was quite difficult when she was around the age you're describing. It's turbulent times and the whole divorce/bitter ex/re-marry thing must only add to it.

Above all, take the higher ground. Continue being nice, sending cards etc even if you don't get any acknowledgement. Parenting is about unconditional love and as much as they might seem bitter and twisted now, I'm sure they'll have a deep down reassurance that you didn't give up on them and sooner or later they'll realise that, no matter what happens, you are their dad.

Little consolation now but I'd be very surprised if they don't come around as they mature.

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I haven't written anything because when I read your post Ayto my heart ached. 

 

Thankfully there have been some great advice from others above.

 

I get that right now you're "spent", both physically and financially. Take some time, try your best to give yourself a break from the emotion you've invested in this battle. But in 3 months, 6 months, 11 months (not 12 because their Birthdays will have past) revisit this thread and reread some of the words written. Look back on your Facebook photo's of the trips you've had with them, the good times and ask yourself again am I still willing to give up.

My advice is never make a final black and white decision when it comes to your kids.

Good luck.

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Thanks for all the responses to date guys.

Appreciate the thoughts and sentiments.

It all just keeps getting better. My work car got knocked off out of our driveway sometime between 7am and 1pm today. Yep, broad daylight!!

Anyways.......

I've had the chance to sit back and have a think. At this stage I am just letting the whole situation settle down and see what happens. I'm not sure of the next steps but it will all form up in due course I'm sure. 

In the meantime Bel and I intend to keep doing the things we had planned already and will be heading away for both Easter and the extended Anzac weekend as we both have the Monday off.

Thanks again. Appreciate everyone's thoughts

Ayto

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Nice Easy Go. really do think it is important to look out for others.

I have an older couple next door I watch out for. Already help changing light globes etc. Have also received a few calls when the older gentleman has fallen over and can't get off the floor - learn't the hard way the first time to lift with the legs!

Last week heard the ambulance during the night - got a call from the gentleman before I'd left for work the next morning asking a huge favour... His wife had passed out during the night and crawled into the kitchen to try and get herself up but couldn't. Was found by her husband a little later but not before she had voided her bowels which was still all over the kitchen floor...

She is still in hospital (infected toe was amputated!) and he has sensibly booked himself in to a respite home nearby till she if well enough to come home.

 

 

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Check up on your friends and family, work colleagues, open the discussion up at work, at home, anywhere anytime, I lost a former colleague yesterday who decided to take his life.  We knew he suffered, we tried to talk, he never wanted to, maybe we didn't try hard enough with him, maybe we did.  will never know why, he will never get to meet his unborn child.

Devastated.

*as a side point, i have been here in my new job for 6 months and I've not once heard anything about mental health and well being, I opened the discussion in our prestart today*

Please Never ever think you are alone

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58 minutes ago, KieranR said:

*as a side point, i have been here in my new job for 6 months and I've not once heard anything about mental health and well being, I opened the discussion in our prestart today*

Please Never ever think you are alone

One of the good points of working with a very large company is that they seem to take these things seriously. Whether it's because of liability, or maybe they really do care about us, the result is the same. It is brought up every couple of months as mandatory actions for the team managers, there is a very good online & phone up service offered, and they put an effort into doing the right thing. 

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1 hour ago, KieranR said:

Check up on your friends and family, work colleagues, open the discussion up at work, at home, anywhere anytime, I lost a former colleague yesterday who decided to take his life.  We knew he suffered, we tried to talk, he never wanted to, maybe we didn't try hard enough with him, maybe we did.  will never know why, he will never get to meet his unborn child.

Devastated.

*as a side point, i have been here in my new job for 6 months and I've not once heard anything about mental health and well being, I opened the discussion in our prestart today*

Please Never ever think you are alone

So sorry to hear this KR - be sure to look after yourself as well while you get your head around whats happened x

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11 minutes ago, Ex-Hasbeen said:

One of the good points of working with a very large company is that they seem to take these things seriously. 

Not all large companies, my last job was with one of the very big global ones, very well known brand (around no 1 in their category) and it really was "throw everyone against a wall and the strong will survive" mentality.  I'm happy to leave roles in companies like that to others now.  Stress and the like creeps up on you and like a frog in a boiling pot you really don't see it in yourself until you are already at breaking point - so if you see it in others you work alongside, start preparing an exit plan just in case and listen to those who know you outside of work - they will see it first.  And look out for those you work with as well

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1 hour ago, KieranR said:

Check up on your friends and family, work colleagues, open the discussion up at work, at home, anywhere anytime, I lost a former colleague yesterday who decided to take his life.  We knew he suffered, we tried to talk, he never wanted to, maybe we didn't try hard enough with him, maybe we did.  will never know why, he will never get to meet his unborn child.

Devastated.

*as a side point, i have been here in my new job for 6 months and I've not once heard anything about mental health and well being, I opened the discussion in our prestart today*

Please Never ever think you are alone

Awful news KR Those he has left behind suffer too. Very sad all round. A lot of large organisations now offer external assistance to employees and spouses in the area of mental health. I have used it myself. My last job I had half a dozen of my staff open up about their mental issues, and I was always checking in on them on a regular basis to see if they were okay. One day I had someone take their own life, who hadn't made me aware and wasn't on my radar. It was gutting for everyone concerned.

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7 hours ago, Ex-Hasbeen said:

One of the good points of working with a very large company is that they seem to take these things seriously. Whether it's because of liability, or maybe they really do care about us, the result is the same. It is brought up every couple of months as mandatory actions for the team managers, there is a very good online & phone up service offered, and they put an effort into doing the right thing. 

Having it as a mandatory requirement is a great idea, I've worked with very large international engineering and construction companies my whole career to date and it has always been on the radar however not as a requirement.

6 hours ago, surfer101 said:

So sorry to hear this KR - be sure to look after yourself as well while you get your head around whats happened x

Thankyou, will certainly do that.

6 hours ago, Cottoneyes said:

Not all large companies, my last job was with one of the very big global ones, very well known brand (around no 1 in their category) and it really was "throw everyone against a wall and the strong will survive" mentality.  I'm happy to leave roles in companies like that to others now.  Stress and the like creeps up on you and like a frog in a boiling pot you really don't see it in yourself until you are already at breaking point - so if you see it in others you work alongside, start preparing an exit plan just in case and listen to those who know you outside of work - they will see it first.  And look out for those you work with as well

Very dissapointing to hear your work was like that, thats a really ignorant attitude by them.  It's true that others will always notice first, I totally agree

6 hours ago, BigRig said:

Awful news KR Those he has left behind suffer too. Very sad all round. A lot of large organisations now offer external assistance to employees and spouses in the area of mental health. I have used it myself. My last job I had half a dozen of my staff open up about their mental issues, and I was always checking in on them on a regular basis to see if they were okay. One day I had someone take their own life, who hadn't made me aware and wasn't on my radar. It was gutting for everyone concerned.

yes the impact on those close can be severe thats for sure, this is the 3rd time I've had a friend or work colleague take their life, its absolutely horrendous to think that tehy are suffering that much that they think this is the only way out of it, i seriously wish they would have just called me, i would have been their absolutely as soon as i can.  All my companies have also offered an EAP service offering Councillors etc, I have used them plenty of times over the years.  ell done for keeping in the loop with your employees well being, such a shame the one who took their life didn't.

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I didn't think this belonged in the TV thread.  But there's a show on Netflix I've known was coming out for a long time now, and have wanted to watch, called 13 Reasons Why.  It seems to be causing a lot of controversy at the moment, but it's also started a discussion in the media which I think we need to see more of.  Headspace (a fantastic organisation) has had some to say about it, and I was just watching an interview with some Dr dude on Today who seemed to think it's a risky show.  He was saying apart from showing a graphic rape scene, and very graphic suicide scene (he called it a 'road map' for kids to commit suicide), he said the show is not depicting any of the help that is out there, no counseling, etc etc that is available.

I'm wondering is the show just being completely realistic in what often happens often still these days?  Is it wrong of it to show none of the assistance that is available, or is it just showing what very often may be the case - that people don't see what is happening until it is too late?  Over the last week or two there has been a fair bit of media aobut this show, so in a way has it done what it wanted - and made teen suicide a topic, rather than something that's a whisper?

I mean, my wife and I just spent 10mins discussing this at our hairdressers - she didn't know the show but felt maybe it was a bit irresponsible if what the organisations like headspace are saying.  But I said to her - it's getting people talking, we've just spent 10 mins talking about it!  And she agreed, while her work has fantastic systems in place with regards to counseling and assistance, she knows of many that don't.

I know it's a horrible topic for people to talk about, and I know that the media tries to keep it out of the headlines, and when it's unavoidable they still don't ever mention the word and at best have a postscript to the story saying if you are having trouble call lifeline etc.  But is it time for us to man up, accept that this is a real problem and as long as we keep sticking our heads into the sand when this comes up it will stay a problem.

It wasn't that long ago that I remember a footballer dying, and then suddenly the stories have disappeared and again what exactly happened is kept out of the news.

I know we are doing a great job here - I'm not questioning us - but more so the media, the general public, the politicians.  Is it time for suicide to not be a dirty word.  I might add, Headspace have reported a significant increase of calls with regards to 13 Reasons Why - and maybe that's a good thing!

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On a similar slant, this week's ABC show 'You can't ask that' was about suicide 'survivors'. It was confronting to watch and I was surprised by some of the responses, but definitely worth a look on iView if you missed it.

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Mate from work didn't show for his shift yesterday. Sent someone around to check. Police & Ambos were there. He was 45. :(

 

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On 4/12/2017 at 11:21 AM, Cottoneyes said:

Stress and the like creeps up on you and like a frog in a boiling pot you really don't see it in yourself until you are already at breaking point - so if you see it in others you work alongside, start preparing an exit plan just in case and listen to those who know you outside of work - they will see it first.  And look out for those you work with as well

I will start by saying I am in no way suicidal, but I agree with the stress thing and I have noticed it in myself a lot in the past 6 months.  Work stress and deadlines combined with what I see as a lack of leadership at work and a terminally ill mother have all meant that life is a lot harder than I feel like it should be.  

I have lost a lot of motivation for parts of life.  I no longer spring out of bed to go training, my work output is not what it should be, and at times I have found myself mid-conversation and realized I am not even listening to what is being said, that never used to happen to me!

Luckily for me I have my kids that are the shining light of everything and the hug I get before I leave for work and the moment I walk through the door make everything a lot better.  My wife is also there to support me, and our communication about this sort of thing is getting better all the time.  Given we have been married 9 years I am proud of that.

All of that said, I can understand how stress and depression can take hold, if I did not have those shining lights I might be head down that path!

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Just a little thing roxii, what aids does your son have at school? During class does he have things he can fidget with like stress balls etc? Just saw this on Lifehacker

How can fidget spinners and cubes actually help with anxiety and ADHD?

http://flip.it/50tSKA

Myself, I have to be fidgeting to be able to concentrate, or walking around etc. 

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On 28/04/2017 at 3:13 PM, goughy said:

Just a little thing roxii, what aids does your son have at school? During class does he have things he can fidget with like stress balls etc? Just saw this on Lifehacker

How can fidget spinners and cubes actually help with anxiety and ADHD?

http://flip.it/50tSKA

Myself, I have to be fidgeting to be able to concentrate, or walking around etc. 

Hey mate yeah he has one already. It does sort of work for him but there are a few issues, one is that he doesn't like to stand out. 

But ironically the teachers seem to allow all the kids to bring them in and use them which while being good for my boy as he doesn't stand out, having a class full of kids with them is not a good recipe long term. 

Anyway we can but try. 

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In the awkward position of having a family member Mentally assessed after a series of events.

Biggest concern is that the person has been able to fool several govt authorities already.

 

 

 

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Honestly, I don't think it's that hard to hide stuff if you really really want to. The hardest part of dealing with a mental health issue is being truthful to yourself, but also to those helping.

Edited by goughy

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I'm actually reconsidering the idea.  Some people can't be helped and it's not worth the associated grief that comes with trying to help them....

I've found a lot of the authorities are full of academics with poor interviewing skills, quite easily bluffed.

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18 hours ago, Merv said:

I'm actually reconsidering the idea.  Some people can't be helped and it's not worth the associated grief that comes with trying to help them....

I've found a lot of the authorities are full of academics with poor interviewing skills, quite easily bluffed.

:-( Everybody can be helped. It just might not seem like they want to be helped. Without knowing the ins and outs I can't possibly judge but if you have it in you then keep on plugging away. They'll come out the other side and be grateful. Hopefully!

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Funnily enough recent changes to legislation and how the condition is handled make things difficult to report. They just don't assess people in QLD for instance unless their is significant reason.  Authorities are dropping a lot of it back onto GP's

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I knew it was coming. Hoping it would be otherwise, but clearly it is not.  Received a call from CSA today to advise that technically because the children are now in the care of their mother 100% of the time, that my CSA payments need to increase commensurately.

Doesn't matter that we have spent 6 figures and 2.5 years to get consent orders negotiated and agreed. Doesn't matter that I have not had a choice in whether the children spend time with me or not.  Doesn't matter that the children have been influenced so badly that the chances of repairing their relationship with me is now next to none.

All that matters is that I am now required to pay an additional $550 per month over an above the already ridiculous amount being handed over.

I understand completely why there are dads out there that throw the hands in the air because it is all too hard, because guess what, it is!!

The system sucks.

Sorry Ayto, you no longer get to see your kids.  As an added bonus, you get to hand over more cash. If you want to fight to get to see them (with no guarantee of any success), guess what, hand over more cash to your lawyer. Good luck.

FFS. What a joke!!

 

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Nothing to say.....so super sad for you. Big hugs to you and Belinda :cry:

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Ayto, it's tough break mate. Have a re-read of our PMs and stay strong mate.

 

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That sucks big time Ayto. You are one tough ombre because I would not have gone as far with it as you have. Hopefully you get a lucky break one day soon.

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The system is farked.  And I say that as a family lawyer.  

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Ayto, seriously, you are the toughest mother I know!  I have no idea how you ****ing live through all this!  And I have no comprehension how someone could do this to another.  Wish there was something I could say or do.  Just so sorry to hear this.

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Well, that's just fcuked.  We're all feeling your pain and behind you.

If the system is this broken, it needs to change. Maybe put your head together with -H- and start writing to the legislators. Get onto Hinch or Xenophon and show them how broken it is. If they have kids they'll understand.

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15 hours ago, -H- said:

The system is farked.  And I say that as a family lawyer.  

Ayto, take heart mate. It could always be worse.

For the first 7 years post-separation, the CSA was calculating my Child Support based on the information provided by my ex-, that  I had zero contact with my daughter. At that stage, it was in fact alternate weekends and a couple of hours on a Tuesday afternoon. 

Once I discovered I'd probably "overpaid" around $20k aftertax dollars, I asked the CSA if there was anything I could do about re-adjusting the balance? Of course, if I had "underpaid" they would have insisted I made up the shortfall, however, they said there was nothing I could do about paying too much. LOL.

Don't give up hope that someday things may get better.

Miss 12yo cut me off in 2011, and wouldn't have any form of communication with me for a bit over 5 years.

Then, out of the blue I got a phone call from her in Port Mac last year, and we speak on the phone and Facebook every week or so, and catch up for lunch every month or so.

I was a bitter, angry man ( internally, at least) for a long time and my lovely, new wife couldn't ever get me talk about my feelings with regard to my daughter. Eventually, I just managed to stop letting it hurt me so much, and got on with "Living in the Moment".

The next stage will be trying to re-integrate my daughter with my "new" family and my parents ( she is the only granddaughter).

One day at a time.

Keep up the good fight. If nothing else,always be true to yourself. 

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I can't even comprehend the grief you're going through Ayto. All I can say is hang in there. When I read your last post a few days ago, I couldn't put anything in words, but what I wanted to say was that even if it all looks bleak now, one day it really is likely to change. Dave T's example above is exactly what I would be hoping for, and if the kids grow up with any real sense, it's what the outcome is likely to be.

It may take a while, and those years will hurt like hell, but I really think they'll come back in the end.

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Kids aren't stupid.  They are being manipulated at the moment but they'll work it out sooner or later.  Hang in there.

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Guest FFF1077

Ayto,

 

I am seriously crying while I read that you've lost the battle. I can't imagine the feeling, or I would be more honest to say I don't want to imagine the feeling.:cry:

 

Situations like this are why Dads like us who totally adore their kids tip toe around like "naughty boys" when we should now days be considered totally allowed to see and gain access to our children. 

 

Personally, I panda to strange requests and change my plans so I don't upset the Ex....I am scared she'll do something similiar....that would end me.

 

Ayto, you have a group of people who love you and know how ****ING awesome you are. You have a beautiful bride who is a rock. Talk to us, talk to her, even talk to a professional if you want to work through it. And know from a guy who grew up being told his "Dad's a loser"....the kids do love you. Deep down inside their souls. It will show one day. 

 

Wishing you all the best with everything, take care, vent here. Stay safe

 

Take care, Sam.

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Thanks everyone for your comments, PM's, Texts etc. Appreciate the thoughts.

Dave T, your story is familiar with me.  Your awesome wife was one of those who took the time to message me some words of support.

Like yourself, I have always gone above and beyond financially, and spent the first 4.5 years post separation paying increased CSA (my choice) as well as the mortgage on the family home (again, my choice).  Neither choice was overly bright in hindsight, however at the time I felt it was the right thing to do.

Again, like yourself, when you continue to get shafted and and CSA is increased, there is no recognition of the extra you have paid over many years.

Even now, despite paying a touch over $300 per month for my daughters braces none of that can be taken into consideration and applied against the CSA payment required.  Unfortunately, I now have a decision to make which is to continue to pay the braces, or the increased CSA amount.  Unfortunately I can't do both.

On 13/05/2017 at 0:24 PM, Dave T said:

I was a bitter, angry man ( internally, at least) for a long time and my lovely, new wife couldn't ever get me talk about my feelings with regard to my daughter. Eventually, I just managed to stop letting it hurt me so much, and got on with "Living in the Moment".

The above specifically resonates with me.  I am angry, full of spite, and bitter.  Unfortunately, that spills over and impacts everyone around me, especially my wife, who is of course my biggest supporter.  I try to avoid this but it is just so bloody hard.  Bel understands, but eventually she will reach her limit (and fair enough).

We are trying really hard to "live in the moment" as well.  We are still working towards fulfilling all of the plans we had in place for the next 5 years or so, career wise, financially, travel etc.  We are determined to not put our life on hold waiting for the moment things might turn around. Life is too short.

I miss them terribly, and I worry.  I have no idea how they are travelling and if they are ok. I am in touch with their schools and from what they tell me there has been no impact so far.  Time will tell.

In the meantime, I got to spend time with my stepdaughter and new grand daughter yesterday.  It's not the same as there is still a hole, but it sure is nice to have a new little one around to love and watch grow.

Thanks again for all the support.  Just goes to show was a great community this place is

Ayto

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Ayto,

I feel for you mate, for any good parent kids are their life...unfortunately it seems for a lot of parents use their kids as weapons during or after a split and that is just bullshit.

I really hope your kids see through it eventually mate!

 

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So ayto, what do you think the consequences would be if you did just revert to paying only what you are required to?

I know you don't want to do that, you don't seem like that sort of person. What effect would it have making just the CSA payments only, no mortgage or anything? I'm assuming she's living in the house, are you covering it all or just your portion? I don't know how you do it all....

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Hey Goughy,

I stopped paying anything additional over and above CSA some time ago when we completed a property settlement (late 2013 from memory).  A number of reasons for that, 1) it was nearly 5 years post separation, it was time for her to stand on her own and 2) I had recently started my new relationship with my (now) wife and it wasn't fair on her.

Situation now is that I pay CSA in the amount prescribed by them as per their guidelines, private health insurance for the kids and the aforementioned braces.

My beef now is that I am being forced to pay CSA at the rate commensurate with my former wife having the children 100% of the time.  Again, if I couldn't be bothered having the kids then fair enough, however I am more than willing to spend time with them, and of course cover any costs associated with them being with me.  However, having that choice taken from me and then being asked to increase the payments is what sucks.

If I were to simply not pay CSA, either at the increased rate or not at all, because our arrangement is through CSA and not a private agreement, CSA can simply garnishee my wages to cover.

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Guest FFF1077

Hey everyone. 

 

For the past 6 weeks I have been dating a fantastic woman who is very special to me and who knows me, warts and all. I was lucky to know her enough to share ALL my history, and she shared hers. We come from similar backgrounds and experiences. 

 

I was taking my daughter to watch her play netball this afternoon at 4pm. 

 

I showed up to the court where her team was warming up and waited with the usual school boy like butterflies she gave me. Her team were looking around the crowds to see if she was on her way as she was strangely late. My daughter asked where she was when the game started without her and her team left a player short after an injury to the Goal Shooter.... I told my daughter she's probably just having a tricky time dropping her kids at her brother's place etc. But in my gut I had a knot....I knew something serious was happening. So I text her phone saying that I hoped she was ok and that she could call me if she wanted and to take great care. 

 

I jumped on the phone as it buzzed with a message from "her".... It was from someone else via her phone saying to contact her brother.... So I rang him immediately. I was shaking and felt sick. Her brother told me that she is in an induced coma in the hospital because she'd tried to kill herself. She is barely alive. 

Now I am not sure what to say from here on here about this. But I really really liked her a lot. We had so much in common on all levels and I knew I could trust her and now I might lose her. 

 

The last message I got from her was at 10:57am and at the time quite normal. But looking at it now there was a call for help. I didn't see it. I did text her after that message with no response...... I know why now. 

 

The eerie thing is that I have been in her position. But made it through. 

 

And to be in this position and see and feel someone who you feel very strongly for hurt that much is torture. 

 

She's the prettiest kindest girl I have met since being single. Now she might be gone. 

 

If ANYONE is seriously thinking about self harm or suicide. Please just talk about it. We will listen. Someone will listen. The pain is not as great as you are special. You're loved. Reach out please. 

 

Thanks to Roxii for facilitating this thread. 

 

I am going to try and get some sleep,  I have my daughter this weekend and I need the rest. Hug your loved ones. Tell them they are great people. They might need it. 

 

Take care all. 

 

Sam 

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Wow mate, am gutted for you reading this and also for your friend. I don't know what to say and am sure words don't really help much. 

But all I can suggest I'd to look after yourself and mooj and keep yourself in good shape for when your friend needs you. 

Good luck mate, thinking of you. 

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