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The Mental Health thread

Mental Health  

309 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you suffer from a mental illness?

    • Yes
      98
    • No
      174
    • Maybe - yet to see a doctor about it
      39
  2. 2. Do you know someone who suffers a mental illness

    • Yes
      251
    • No
      33
    • Don't know but suspect they do
      27


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Mum got a new car and crashed it into the neighbours house. We knew she had Alzheimers, but when Dad died it exhibited more.

 

She lived alone and would do her shopping. Put the items away, then go and repeat the shopping because she forgot she had already been. Cashiers were helping her count out her money as she was slow or couldn't do it.

 

She called 911 for no reason because she saw it on TV and thought she had to do it. Then when we cleared that up she got very shy of the TV newsreaders because she said they can see what you are doing in the house.

 

She lost the sausage rolls in the oven and only we found the blackened remains later.

 

She told me she had a son, which was funny because she was talking to me.

 

Alzheimers has run in the family for a long time on my mother's side. So I have cross check now and then.I can be quite forgetfull also, but will not forget completely.

The problem there Kamal is you don't know what you've completely forgotten.

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I said I'm monitoring, cross checking and clearly I wont be out riding solo over 6-7 hours if I'm losing it.

 

Wife keeps me on my toes which does beg the question, if I live alone, will it manifest more?

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My wife's mum is well down the alzheimers path. She will ask the same question a number of times, and forgets most things you tell her fairly quickly. It's a strain on her husband, who at 83 was still very active both physically and mentally, but just 1 year later has had back issues and seems to have aged 10 years. My wife does what she can, but it's really getting her dad down.

 

My mum on the other hand decided a while back she didn't want to go down the path many of her friends are, and in the last 5 years has started learning another language, taken up sudako & other maths games, and reads a lot. She says she actually thinks clearer now and is an advocate for the "use it or lose it" ideology.

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Make sure you make the most of life with those close to you......and have no regrets....

 

My cousin has passed away from a heart attack this week at the age of 34....fark....gone way too young....

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My Mam is in a home, her dimensia is so bad that she's actually 'detained' under the mental health act. We picked up early signs but then 3 strokes compounded everything, and she's also lost quite a bit of movement. When I speak to her on the phone she has no idea where I live and more often than not thinks I'm in London. I feel a pang of guilt when I tell her I'm half a world away in Sydney.

 

I imagine her having the same conversation with the other 'guests' everyday, and when I visited her last time, she was convinced she was in a pub - "your round then Mam" wasn't a good response as she then worried where her purse was! Every now and again she gets what's happened and she understands her memory has gone and becomes upset. She still maintains a sense of humour, so our tactic is to appeal to this and we tease her a little about it, and she instantly bounces back with a quip and forgets she's forgetful.

 

I'm just waiting for the call to say that she's left us and I think I've made my peace with this. Wifey doesn't get this and gave me a tough time for being a bit down when all this happened, and for now accepting the inevitable. "She's still here..." is her way of thinking about it, but mine is slightly different as I want to remember her with all her smarts. I don't believe in a soul, but it's as if my mother's 'being' has gone, and I mourned that loss.

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Hey TenPints. I didn't see my grandmother for the last couple of years of her life in spite of the fact she was no more than an hour's drive away and that we were very close when I was a young lad. I remember her coming to stay with us when I was 11 or 12 and she would go up the street and buy me a Mars bar and give it to me, telling me not to let mum and dad know. Some days I'd end up with five or six hidden under my pillow because I didn't have the heart to tell her. It was funny at the time but as she deteriorated over the years (it was a slow process for her) she got to the point where communication was impossible and she had no personality whatsoever. She wasn't my Dandy any more (I still don't know why I called her that, her name was Leila.)

 

At that point I decided that I didn't want to see her like that, I wanted to remember her like she was. I've never regretted that decision. I named my daughter after her and her spirit, as I remember it, lives on in her.

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Thanks for sharing Stikman, I completely understand your decision wanting to remember your grandmother how she was and not how you'd see her. I think the reason for Leila's name is fantastic!

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TP, this is the hard thing about living so far away. My Nan ( Dad's Mum) was blind when I was a teenager, she had glaucoma, she also ended up with dimentia and was in a home for her last years. I saw her 2 or 3 times per week but it was hard. However, I think it was harder on my Dad.

In the 1960s when his twin brother moved to Oz, Dad stayed behind, although keen to go but there was nobody to look after his Mum. When Nan died, Dad told me ' don't ever put your plans aside for us'. I had no concept what that truly meant at the time but now Dad is gone, my Mum says exactly the same thing.

So even though your Mum can't remember where she is, I bet if she could have a completey lucid thought, that thought would be that she would want the best for you and your family.

Edited by FatPom
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Thanks FP, I think you're right. As a parent you want the absolute best for your children, and I do believe this stays the same throughout one's life: once a parent...

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Just reading my post back and I think it may have conveyed something I didn't mean to. :-( I'm not really sure what I was trying to say, just thinking out loud. I miss my Dandy. :'(

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Mate, it made perfect sense to me, and aligned with my thinking wrt to my Mam. I didn't see my Gu (Grandmother in Welsh is Mam Gu, so was shortened when I was little - pronounced gee with a hard 'g', same as the Gi for a martial arts uniform, and not goo as the gel enthusiasts would say, although I just laughed out loud at that pronunciation) for the year before she passed, for the exact same reasons. I was about 11/12 years old, and can still remember her clear as day. Survived the blitz as she worked in London...apparantly it was easier than life in Wales ;-)

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Mate, it made perfect sense to me, and aligned with my thinking wrt to my Mam. I didn't see my Gu (Grandmother in Welsh is Mam Gu, so was shortened when I was little - pronounced gee with a hard 'g', same as the Gi for a martial arts uniform, and not goo as the gel enthusiasts would say, although I just laughed out loud at that pronunciation) for the year before she passed, for the exact same reasons. I was about 11/12 years old, and can still remember her clear as day. Survived the blitz as she worked in London...apparantly it was easier than life in Wales ;-)

 

 

My mind went straight to butter, no martial arts uniforms! :schnauz:

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My husband had an affair.

 

It was while I was training for my first HIM. While we were actively planning our wedding. While we were happy, so I thought.

 

The latest 'reason' is I was training too much. I was going to ask whether anyone ever worries about being away from home and whether their husbands/wives might end up having an affair. The more I pondered how to phrase the question, the more I realise the truth is, he's just a dog. :(

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Really really sorry to hear that Katz. Your last comment is too kind. His reasons are crap. Your last comment is closer to the true reason (cept it's too kind). Any reason that includes a 'but' or 'because' is a justification. And a justification is not an apology.

 

I hope this is something you guys are working on, in particular him.

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Any decent person who was upset about the time you spent training would have said something rather than done something.

 

You're right in your assessment of him.

 

Edit to add: In no way should you blame yourself for the time you spent training. Don't even think about it.

Edited by Ex-Hasbeen
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Ex is spot on. It should have only taken him a second to voice a concern to you about the training.

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Thanks guys. You're right. The truth is, it's just another feeble excuse. He's coming up with new ones all the time. I've even gone back through my garmin logs to see if there was any truth in it. Most of my training was in the morning during the week, after he left for work at 4am. I rode on Saturdays, for around 3 hours, home at around 9:30am, usually finding him still asleep in bed. ETA: except on the Saturdays he was at work of course. Those same days he was having sex with her while I was waiting for HIM to come home.

 

I think the thing that is closest to the truth, out of everything he has said, is he was having one last fling before we got married. Who the fck does that? :(

Edited by Katz

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Who the fck does that? :(

 

Sorry to hear, but in answer to the above question, someone who is not ready for marriage. Don't make the mistake of thinking things change just because of a few words and a bit of a party

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Sorry to hear, but in answer to the above question, someone who is not ready for marriage. Don't make the mistake of thinking things change just because of a few words and a bit of a party

No, the day has so little to do with the actual commitment.

 

He claims he waited his life for me to turn up to marry. But he still do this. I simply can't get my head around it. I wish he'd let me go. The affair was selfish enough. Now I'm trapped in a marriage with someone who has proven he can and will hurt me in such a horrible way.

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It is white Ribbon Day, violence against women isn't always physical.

 

If you need to get out, get out, if you need help then ask.

 

You have done a lot of great things with your life lately dont let it be brought undone.

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Roxii says something important, and I'm a little concerned about how you used the term 'trapped'.

 

Now I don't know you from a bar of soap, but you've shared something incredibly personal and very upsetting for yourself. To me, you seem angry, and you sound like you think this is something you just have to accept. You are right to feel angry, but you don't have to accept it.

 

In all honesty, I wouldn't be trying to repair your marriage without some form of marriage counselling and if he won't do that then that would speak volumes to me.

 

I know financially breaking up can be a tough thing to do, and may set you backwards. While I haven't been through your experience, I can from experience, tell you that when it comes to the crunch money is far from the be all and end all. You can be alright.

 

Doormats are for walking on. You're not a doormat. Don't accept it.

 

And from experience I can tell you there are a lot of helpful and sympathetic ears here, lots of experienced ones, and lots that will offer help in a variety of different ways.

 

Last thing I'll say, don't obsess with the training and checking your logs etc. It's just something he thinks he can use it as an excuse. Take it away from him and he'll find another one.

Edited by goughy
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Between us Katz this will be primarily be about him and not you. I have a bit of experiance here and some pretty strong views on it. He will have self esteem issues and have a deep down dislike of himself. He does this as it makes him feel better about himself that he can still be either attractive or wanted by someone.

He can't love himself so he can't accept your love, it is a bad place to be. He prob won't let you all the way in and is scared by doing so he has to back you with it all so he is being self destructive.

If you want to talk let me know.

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Between us Katz this will be primarily be about him and not you. I have a bit of experiance here and some pretty strong views on it. He will have self esteem issues and have a deep down dislike of himself. He does this as it makes him feel better about himself that he can still be either attractive or wanted by someone.

He can't love himself so he can't accept your love, it is a bad place to be. He prob won't let you all the way in and is scared by doing so he has to back you with it all so he is being self destructive.

If you want to talk let me know.

You sound like you know what's going on his head. I need to understand why and how he did this. I can't even comprehend how to get past it without understanding.

 

I used the word trapped perhaps melodramatically. He's not keeping me here against my will. I feel trapped because we married and the concept of marriage means a lot to me. I feel stuck with an asshole. The truth though is, in January I start a Master of Physio. It's my future. I can't afford to survive while I do this course without his paying a share of at least the mortgage. Without doing this degree, I don't have a future. Hence, I also feel trapped for this reason.

 

The final reason I guess is because I love him. Or I love what I believed to be him. I don't know if I know who he is anymore. I have to figure that out.

 

Next week we're seeing the psych he was seeing after his drink driving screw up early in the year. I figure he knows much of his back story and time doesn't have to be take bringing her up to speed. Also, from what he was telling me about her at the time, I think I'll like her style.

 

Please people, please don't cheat on the one you profess to love. I a not begin to describe the pain it causes. I've never felt anything like this.

Edited by Katz

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Make sure you do what's best for you Katz.

Hopefully, you've got someone else you can talk things over with too.

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Am hoping 2016 is a better year for you...i remember your saga at the start of the year...his lucky your a very patient lady...thinking of you..

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the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior, excuses are exactly that, don't accept standards lower than yours, make a plan even if you have to do a hard step one to get to a better step two, better days ahead if you seek them, everyone has a right to happiness.

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So, we went to the psych yesterday. Not a greta session, but established the rules of engagement. Not certain I am going to get the opportunity to be a fcking pissed as I want to be. We'll see.

 

I hate that I love him. It would be so easy if I didn't. This bastard is the love of my life.

 

Bring on Busso. ME TIME!!! :punk:

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So, we went to the psych yesterday. Not a greta session, but established the rules of engagement. Not certain I am going to get the opportunity to be a fcking pissed as I want to be. We'll see.

 

I hate that I love him. It would be so easy if I didn't. This bastard is the love of my life.

 

Bring on Busso. ME TIME!!! :punk:

 

 

I'm a motorbike guy from way back. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than looking around the paddock at the really expensive, ultra high maintenance exotica. Then I think about the trouble they cause, endless hours of fixing the next problem compared the relatively small time that they are running sweetly.

 

Some things, despite a deep desire to want them in your life, are best loved from afar.

Edited by FatPom
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Best advice I ever got from a lawyer many years ago is that if he's a liability let him go. It's as clear as that.

Edited by The Customer
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So, we went to the psych yesterday. Not a greta session, but established the rules of engagement. Not certain I am going to get the opportunity to be a fcking pissed as I want to be. We'll see.

 

I hate that I love him. It would be so easy if I didn't. This bastard is the love of my life.

 

Bring on Busso. ME TIME!!! :punk:

 

What would you suggest to a BFF or a sister that was in your situation?

Edited by zed
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Merry Christmas everyone...hope everyone is traveling Ok,

 

to those that helped me in the past six months with the shit with my parents thanks for your support...that has gone full circle and closed and atleast I know I gave it a shot.

 

have a safe enjoyable festive time with your families...

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Merry Christmas everyone...hope everyone is traveling Ok,

 

to those that helped me in the past six months with the shit with my parents thanks for your support...that has gone full circle and closed and atleast I know I gave it a shot.

 

have a safe enjoyable festive time with your families...

Ditto! [emoji304] [emoji322] [emoji319]

 

Sent from my SM-G900I using Tapatalk

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I cannot thank you all enough for allowing me the opportunity to vent and the offers of advice and support on so many occasions this year.

 

2015 has been without doubt the worst year of my life. I could not have imagined the pain I would experience, which is actually surprising given my life has been far from consistently joyful.

 

Rightly or wrongly, with the help of a psych, we've worked through a lot and gotten to the bottom of the reasons behind much of his behaviour this year, and previous regarding the affair. Although what he has done can never be excused, or indeed really forgiven, we are now in a place from where we intend to move forward. The relationship as I knew it is dead. Where we go now is starting a new relationship. This relationship will be built on real honesty, which is sadly what was missing before. I didn't realise just how much he was keeping from me. It was for a variety of reasons, but the underlying factor was he simply didn't trust that I loved him, or indeed was able to love him, wholly and completely, flaws and all.

 

I am hopeful we can make a real future together, leaving the crap behind (but never losing the lesson). I know I will always be wary, but I do love him, have always loved him and will do all I can to be successful in this relationship. I will never accept such behaviour again. He gets only one chance. I feel though a corner has been turned and a brighter future awaits.

 

I know many of you will think this is foolish, part of me does too. I'm not prepared to give up though, not until I know I have given it every possible chance. That's marriage to me. I will fight till it's obvious there is nothing left to fight for, and today, I don't think all is lost.

 

You people are awesome. Thank you.

 

And Merry Christmas. x

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That is a great post Katz. Remember, it doesn't matter what others think. It only matters what you think, and your husband thinks.

 

Sometimes divorce might be the only answer. Sometimes I think it's an easy out to some people. There is nothing wrong with putting up a fight!

 

Have yourself a great xmas now!

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Nicely said katz. You need to fight for what you think is important - bugger others.

 

Have a great christmas and a fresh start for 2016

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The end of '15 is in sight with '16 in a couple of days. May you all feel in your heart how important you all are and how being here is also important to others. I am proud to be associated with you lot and call all of you friends, even if I haven't met you all yet.

 

Enjoy the simple pleasures of life - family, friends but more importantly yourselves.

 

Stay safe and well.

 

Mick

Edited by Flanman
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I went to see somebody as I was concerned that too often I would see the downside instead of the opportunity and was in turn making myself miserable.

 

Thought for a while that I might have some big problems, turned out all I needed was to talk to a person who could play things back objectively to me and show me what I pretty much knew, but give me little tools to deal with the self destructive behaviour.

 

Life is so much better when you see the opportunity and manage the risk instead of fretting about the down side so much that you don't even engage with the opportunity.

That's great news. I agree. Each event in life will happen. It's up to you how you see it and deal with it. I'm so glad that you have found a way to see the good side of things. [emoji106]

 

I cannot thank you all enough for allowing me the opportunity to vent and the offers of advice and support on so many occasions this year.

 

2015 has been without doubt the worst year of my life. I could not have imagined the pain I would experience, which is actually surprising given my life has been far from consistently joyful.

 

Rightly or wrongly, with the help of a psych, we've worked through a lot and gotten to the bottom of the reasons behind much of his behaviour this year, and previous regarding the affair. Although what he has done can never be excused, or indeed really forgiven, we are now in a place from where we intend to move forward. The relationship as I knew it is dead. Where we go now is starting a new relationship. This relationship will be built on real honesty, which is sadly what was missing before. I didn't realise just how much he was keeping from me. It was for a variety of reasons, but the underlying factor was he simply didn't trust that I loved him, or indeed was able to love him, wholly and completely, flaws and all.

 

I am hopeful we can make a real future together, leaving the crap behind (but never losing the lesson). I know I will always be wary, but I do love him, have always loved him and will do all I can to be successful in this relationship. I will never accept such behaviour again. He gets only one chance. I feel though a corner has been turned and a brighter future awaits.

 

I know many of you will think this is foolish, part of me does too. I'm not prepared to give up though, not until I know I have given it every possible chance. That's marriage to me. I will fight till it's obvious there is nothing left to fight for, and today, I don't think all is lost.

 

You people are awesome. Thank you.

 

And Merry Christmas. x

Good on you Katz. He is indeed a very lucky guy to have you. It's easy for someone on the outside to tell you what you should be doing, but you are the one that needs to live with your decision and be happy. Merry Christmas xx

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He gets only one chance.

 

I know many of you will think this is foolish, part of me does too.

 

 

"He gets only one chance." - he sounds like he's had many, many chances already, but anyway make sure you stick to that. I know a lot of people who have stayed in these types of relationships and ended up mentally broken, self-esteem and confidence gone, irreparable damage caused... give him one last chance then leave whilst you are still emotionally, physically and financially healthy. I think you know how this will end, seek the advice of those closest to you and heed their advice. They are capable of offering sound, objective, unclouded guidance that is invaluable. That little voice in your head that is telling what you to do, tell it to piss off, it's offering you short term happiness, but, ultimately long term pain hence the reason why you're sticking around, it's the easy option. We've all been there, done that got the t-shirt yadda yadda yadda..

 

n.b I'm offering thoughts and opinions based on what I've witnessed through my life with friends and family members who have gone through similar situations, I don't know you or your partner so take what I say with a pinch of salt. Good luck.

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Looks like there's been a fair bit going on since the last time I checked in here. It's great to see the level of support is still there even if it's a different group of people now offering that support. Between us, I'm sure we are all making this site and the world outside just a little bit nicer placer to be.

Haven't really got a lot to say except that in order for anyone to be able to look after anyone else they first need to look after themselves. For those that need to make decisions, all they can do if make the best decision they can based on the information they have at the time. It may not be the same decision that some others would make, but it will be the best decision they could make at the time.

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... seek the advice of those closest to you and heed their advice. They are capable of offering sound, objective, unclouded guidance that is invaluable. ..

I believe the closest people to you are usually too polite and afraid of hurting your feelings to give their honest advice. From what I've seen, it's only when the person leaves a bad relationship that the truth comes outs. Thats when family and friends breathe a sigh of relief and say something like "Thank god you finally left him." I don't get the people on this forum congratulating K for soldiering on when clearly, this guy has a history of irresponsible behaviour - leopards don't change their spots.

 

K should go and see a counselor or family lawyer by herself for a totally objective point of view. She needs to hear what will happen to any assets and possessions she might have when they do eventually break up. Doesn't sound like the kind of guy who will leave without causing major damage and that kind of thing can take many many years to recover from.

 

This may not be the most popular post on this thread, but the likelihood that I'm right is very strong. I hope one day K is in a healthy relationship where she finds herself wondering why she ever put up with this guy for so long. Sometimes will-power is a curse.

Edited by The Customer
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I find myself agreeing with TC and Zed. It's not my intention to judge Katz but certainly it is a different decision than I would have made.

 

In the 6yrs between my marriagesI had one steady girlfriend between and several short lived flings. I didn't want to be tied down again so kept things ' light n easy'. Except for this one girl I went out with, all we had in common were a love of motorbikes, everything else about this girl was wrong for me. She drank a lot ( I'd think ' hey she's zany and fun') she liked to go out really late, whereas I'd be up real early to surf. Her friends and I had zero in common.

 

But I couldn't see it, my friends could though. My best friend said ' you could have gone out with any of those other girls and had a better match than her'. He was right, they were all right of course. It lasted 9mths or so and and a trip to the UK finally did for us. My sister said straight away, ' she's not for you'. But I still didn't end it.

 

The reason for the ramble is that I have no idea why I thought in my mind that I needed to salvage and keep afloat that relationship at all costs. It seems ludicrous now but didn't at the time and clouded my judgement, a lot. I think part of it was a fear of failure and part of it was wanting to be in control, not of the person but the situation. Also, when you have no family around,relationships can be like a lifeline to a drowning person and it can lead to a ' I can fix this' mentality.

 

Fear of not finding 'the one' can lead to hanging on to anyone, as nobody likes to be rejected. On the other hand, nobody likes to have their efforts thrown back in their face.

 

I don't understand the line that he's giving Katz about not believing anyone could love him. If I truly believed that, then I'd do all I could not to stuff things up, rather than the complete opposite.

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I don't understand the line that he's giving Katz about not believing anyone could love him. If I truly believed that, then I'd do all I could not to stuff things up, rather than the complete opposite.

Exactly. He's feeding her an excuse and being manipulative. It seems to have worked. Most women are 'nurturing' by instinct - it's why they put up with cleaning up after toddlers and forgive them for naughty, selfish behaviour whilst continuing to love them unconditionally (otherwise a neglected child would starve). I'm sure that's why a lot of women endure bad relationships. Hopefully the 'cute' factor will wear off sooner than later so she can move on.

Edited by The Customer

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Thanks for your thoughts guys. I agree, those closest to us are the least able to provide objective advice. This is why I've engaged the services of a psych. We've been seeing her together and I've also seen her alone. As I said, I don't know what the future holds, but for now, I'm not willing to throw it away.

 

His reasoning does seem counterintuitive, but we all engage in destructive behaviour from time to time. In this case, he was keeping many truths from me to make himself seem and feel better than he felt he is. The affair was a little more complicated, but a subset of that behaviour. The rest of the stupidity was around the guilt he felt and was holding within him for a couple of years since. It makes sense, but is not at all excusable. He has hurt me more than I could imagine, but he won't get another chance if he does it again.

 

TC, I have seen the psych alone, and I am a lawyer myself and am aware of the financial consequences of a future break up. That's not what is keeping me here though. I have faith this particular leopard has had a change of spots, but only time will truly tell.

 

I admit I have doubts, primarily due to how easily he seemed to be able to maintain the betrayal. At the time his behaviour didn't change. He was loving with me, continuing to be involved in the planning of our wedding. That is what hurt the most as I was going through the period of learning exactly what happened and when. I am scared if it does happen again, I won't see it. It is something I am struggling with and more work with the psych is required. This isn't over and I don't expect it to be any time soon. But I am trying, as he seems to be, and as I said in the earlier post, I don't think all is lost right now. Time will tell.

 

Again, thanks for all your thoughts. I sincerely appreciate the honesty and what everyone has shared with me both publicly and privately.

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Katz, good luck to you! I hope it works out. Like others, I'm skeptical based on what you've told us, but I also think if it does go wrong again that you will be stronger and wiser for the experience, and you will cope.

 

BB - that's good news. I went to see a psychologist a few years ago after a break-up that I felt I just wasn't coping with. I was hoping for some hints on coping strategies, but came away feeling that she had given me nothing useful at all. She didn't even ask any questions that were at all penetrating. If I just wanted to talk to someone random, I could have done it anywhere without the bill. If I was in Canberra I'd ask you who you saw. Instead, I'll ask you how you came to find this particular person?

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