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The Mental Health thread

Mental Health  

303 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you suffer from a mental illness?

    • Yes
      97
    • No
      169
    • Maybe - yet to see a doctor about it
      39
  2. 2. Do you know someone who suffers a mental illness

    • Yes
      247
    • No
      31
    • Don't know but suspect they do
      27


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On 01/02/2018 at 8:07 AM, goughy said:

Things for my son have taken a turn for the worst and it's really starting to take a toll on the rest of us........

I'm not gonna write the whole post, it's too big..... but **** me this is doing my head in!

Kyan comes home this arvo to start a 10 day suspension from school for cyber bullying!  Just one thing after the other.  His attendance had been good since he started his modified schedule (and he asked this term to return to normal), bit this suspension will have his attendance level on the cusp of repeating, even if he doesn't miss another day of school the rest of the year.

Just finished talking with the deputy, and we're all on the same page.  A friend of his was being goaded by these twin girls at the school who are well known for trying to get other kids in to trouble (and have been suspended themselves for this behaviour), but keen got angry at them instead, standing up for his friend, and told one of them she was a ****ing prick and can burn in hell with her bitch sister!  

Even the dep said it was admirable that he was trying to stand up for his friend, but he's gone about it the wrong way.  And because the has been such a strong focus on cyber bullying this year, and because the girls kicked up such a fuss, they've had no choice but to take a hard line.  She said the suspension would have been longer still, except he's admitted to everything from the first moment, told the full truth and been very cooperative, whereas all the other kids involved she's had to interview multiple times to try and get the story straight out of them!

Just **** me what else can go wrong with him this year?  He's had so much shit this year, and now this.  He's put up with bullying (online and at school) himself, not sleeping, self harming.  **** me.  And I accept they have to take a hard stance on this, and make examples.  Even the deputy said it was admirable of him to try to protect his friend, but that he's gone about trying to help her the wrong way!  And then we have my daughter who is most likely (not even bring too presumptuous here) going to be school Captain next year, going on a crusade with this year's school captain against bullying, because of stuff she heard about Kyan from other kids in his grade, and what was happening to him!

Just ****ing don't know what to do any more... 

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Hmmmm.....agree re: mother's day.  I don't have children (not by choice, just not able to) and no children in my life around.  :mellow:

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5 minutes ago, goughy said:

I'm not gonna write the whole post, it's too big..... but **** me this is doing my head in!

Kyan comes home this arvo to start a 10 day suspension from school for cyber bullying!  Just one thing after the other.  His attendance had been good since he started his modified schedule (and he asked this term to return to normal), bit this suspension will have his attendance level on the cusp of repeating, even if he doesn't miss another day of school the rest of the year.

Just finished talking with the deputy, and we're all on the same page.  A friend of his was being goaded by these twin girls at the school who are well known for trying to get other kids in to trouble (and have been suspended themselves for this behaviour), but keen got angry at them instead, standing up for his friend, and told one of them she was a ****ing prick and can burn in hell with her bitch sister!  

Even the dep said it was admirable that he was trying to stand up for his friend, but he's gone about it the wrong way.  And because the has been such a strong focus on cyber bullying this year, and because the girls kicked up such a fuss, they've had no choice but to take a hard line.  She said the suspension would have been longer still, except he's admitted to everything from the first moment, told the full truth and been very cooperative, whereas all the other kids involved she's had to interview multiple times to try and get the story straight out of them!

Just **** me what else can go wrong with him this year?  He's had so much shit this year, and now this.  He's put up with bullying (online and at school) himself, not sleeping, self harming.  **** me.  And I accept they have to take a hard stance on this, and make examples.  Even the deputy said it was admirable of him to try to protect his friend, but that he's gone about trying to help her the wrong way!  And then we have my daughter who is most likely (not even bring too presumptuous here) going to be school Captain next year, going on a crusade with this year's school captain against bullying, because of stuff she heard about Kyan from other kids in his grade, and what was happening to him!

Just ****ing don't know what to do any more... 

Goughy this a tough one, while I agree with the school on anti-bullying I think the fact he was standing up for his friend should be recognised by the school. So many get burnt by getting involved, not walking away that it puts people off helping others or kids are to scared

I think Kyan is a champion for standing up to the the twins & by the way he handled himself when asked what he did.

 

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Goughy, that's a hard one. I would take it on a positive note. Have that positive chat just like the Dep said. It was good he stood up for a friend and also admitted. Soften the talk on the his delivery re how he said it. Take some good and some learnings.

Again, like I said, a hard one to deliver

FM

PS: I almost called up to see you but we were on a schedule. I came via Warwick and almost took the wrong turn - I would have ended up in Toowoomba. 

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Hardest part with Mothers and Fathers day for me is how to approach it with my In laws who lost their only child! All I can do is tell them I love them and am thinking of them on the day. They have always said I'm the son they never had, but it isn't the same...

 

 

Edited by Dalai
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My mum and both my grandmothers are dead and I have no kids. I do have a stepmother, and on mothers day she posted on Facebook that mothers day makes her sad because her child (my half brother) is overseas and she can't hug him. She did Skype him but that doesn't count, apparently. I sent her a virtual hug but I don't know if that was appreciated either.

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Hugs to Skel, -H- and Dalai; all really lovely people who I'm glad to have met over the years.

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Goughy 

 

Tough situation. 

I applaud your son. **** the school. We all know that standing up to bullies is what has to be done. If he gets into strife, he's fighting the good fight IMO. In front of the Dep I would be "concerned parent", at home, I'd buy the kid an ice cream. Tell him there are other smarter ways to respond and educate him such. Teach him to play the game. Unfortunately we have to. 

And the contrast between the two kids is common. My friend has two children, girl and a boy. Polar opposites! It's ****ing weird. But that's genetics I guess. 

 

Keep talking mate. We'll listen and respond when we can. We're all here to help. 

 

Cheers mate 

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Actually, I have to applaud the school too, as I have been a big supporter of their hard stance, on everything, considering they're a state school.  Interesting the stuff I'm learning about it though.  The twin girls in question are "family friends" of the girl they were bullying that Kyan stood up for.  They are also in yr12 while Kyan and his friend are in yr8.  And that it took a week for them to go to the dep to complain because they were on suspension at the time, for bullying!  They are well known for it in the school and have been suspended multiple times.  This is what they actually do, they try and suck kids into reacting then report them to the school..... they were actually after the girl but Kyan went at them instead.  The dep told me that she wishes they didn't have to suspend Kyan but the girls complained so hard about it they had no choice but to follow the school guidlines, cept they halved the mandatory 20 days to 10.  She also was very up front with me in saying that Kyan was doing the right thing, just in the wrong way!  His head of year has also spoken to him, and told him if these girls approach him at school (which they also do) he is to say nothing to them and immediately go to the office and speak to one of the deps there.

It just seems the poor bastard has gotten the short end of the stick this year!  And I'm desperate for him to not get more stressed and get back to bad habits.  What's most annoying is we had parent/teacher interviews last week and found out he's been making the decision himself to separate himself from his friends in class and sit away from them so he can concentrate more, and they said it's been making a difference!  I don't want him to lose all that.

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As long as he gets to hang out with them between classes it will be fine. I had that done to me. Got put up the front and to the far left of every class I was in due to misbehaving. My own fault. But my mates from school didn't care either way. Initially it was weird though. 

 

Keep doing what you can do mate 😎🤘

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He wasn't separated by the teacher, he actually moved of his own accord!  But he's home for the next two weeks anyway.....

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3 hours ago, goughy said:

He wasn't separated by the teacher, he actually moved of his own accord!  But he's home for the next two weeks anyway.....

ok

there's maturity right there. But with other factors I'd be vigilent.

 

Hugs your way mate

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On 15/05/2018 at 7:12 AM, goughy said:

It just seems the poor bastard has gotten the short end of the stick this year!  And I'm desperate for him to not get more stressed and get back to bad habits.  What's most annoying is we had parent/teacher interviews last week and found out he's been making the decision himself to separate himself from his friends in class and sit away from them so he can concentrate more, and they said it's been making a difference!  I don't want him to lose all that.

Goughy as you know Im a teacher ..the school really has no choice in the matter, the Boss or Deputy will get the right royal boot up the backside from the Regional Director if they ignore cyber bullying. They have to take action.

Dont be mad at Kyan. Just say mate, lesson learned - you made a mistake by doing things that way. Tell him the school is just following correct protocol, so he needs to cop the 10 days. Its a bummer but in the big scheme, its not going to affect anything. He will have set school work assigned to him to do in those 10 days, just get on with it and dont be too disappointed. Everyone makes mistakes. You learn from them and become a better person. And he's already becoming a good person by standing up for people who are being bullied, and making excellent choices in the classroom too. There is a lot of positives to come out of it. Tell Kyan you understand why he did what he did and that you are not mad at him.

If he was an adult he could be charged with using a carriage service to harrass, menace or offend , which carries a maximum of 3 years gaol. Kids dont realise that what they say and do on their phones is monitored and kept and can be used against them. If you want to make a threat you dont type it so that it can be used as evidence against you. You say it quietly in their ear when there are no witnesses present. Its a good lesson for him about using the phone /internet correctly. Its hard to ignore nasty people, nasty comments ... most adults cant even do it ... this is the sort of crap that our kids have to deal with, that we never had to. Its difficult and they need our 100% support and love.

The twins will have been told that if they go near Kyan there will be hell to pay. They will stay away. If they dont, then Kyan needs to do what the Deputy said, say nothing to them and go straight to the Deputy.

Tell him the Deputy is on his side. Tell him the teachers have noticed he is concentrating better in class and is doing well. Tell him you are on his side and are happy with how he is going, how he is making good choices. Be positive mate. Unconditional love always with our kids. Let him know he's loved and its okay. Keep moving forward.

Edited by Derny Driver
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1 hour ago, ComfortablyNumb said:

Hey DD. Would he have been suspended if he just said it to their face rather than online?

Highly unlikely in my opinion. Kyan did not make a threat, it was more of an insult. Probably would have got a 5 minute talk about being nice to people. Especially since he was not the instigator, he was just responding / defending...

Then the Deputy could have just said to the girls, "We have spoken to Kyan and he acknowledges that what he said was wrong. But what you have been doing is wrong also, worse in fact. If it happens again etc...."

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Yes, I'm glad our youngest went toe to toe with the class bully in Yr12 and owned her in front of her classmates, made her look like the arsehat she was.  No repercussions, the Principal was quietly chuckling :D

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Yes, while we're not thrilled with the idea of a suspension, you can't be a supporter of the schools tough stance and then whinge when it catches you out.  In reality, the only reason we're disappointed is he had a rough time last term, and was making good decisions in class etc this one, and now two weeks at home.  The dep principal was great about the situation, knowing that it wasn't really Kyan causing the problem, and was positive about him standing up for a friend.  We find out more titbits all the time, as my daughter is in the schools senior leadership.  Basically the girls encourage this behaviour out of someone online, and then start intimidating them at school; we know they sought Kyan out on their first day back from their suspension but he was home sick that day.  They've been suspended multiple times for this sort of thing, and spent much of the day in the office complaining so much that if they get suspended for it, so should he.  So the dep told me they were really left with no choice due to the fuss they made, and the fact they have actively been discouraging cyber bullying this year.  When my daughter found out who the girls were, her response was "oh, it's the "insert name" twins!  Everybody hates them.  Don't worry about them!"

While he's received a kinda pat on the back for standing up for his friend, he has received some punishment.  He's off his game consoles, and is taking care of most of the stuff I do around the house (ie everything).  He's also got plenty of school work to do.  I just don't want him to lose the focus he found and slide back, plus I don't really want this time away from school to affect his exams.

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So, just for a bit of discussion......thought I'd start it here but can be cut to it's own thread if anyone likes....

With my daughter anxious to see the next season of 13 Reasons Why, I've been thinking about it and the way society deals with the subject of suicide.  Firstly, I haven't watched it.  I understand the furore around it from many, feeling like it's glorifying suicide or at the least giving people ideas.

But I wonder if part of the problem is how the media attempts to dull down the subject.  In news reports the word is rarely used, instead often saying that a death wasn't suspicious, and then concluding the story with the contact details for lifeline etc.  How exactly are we supposed to help those when the subject is kinda taboo?  Yes, there have been numerous high profile deaths of late which have helped bring it more into mainstream discussions, but still I feel like it's too much of a dirty word, and when it feels like that how are we (as a society) spose to allow people to accept that it's ok to feel that way and that there are other options out there.  Rather than have them feel "dirty" even though there are other options out there?

I hope I'm voicing that right.  

And so I wonder if the furore about a show like 13 Reasons isn't really about the subject itself, but because they don't shy away from the topic, as it seems much of the media is about?

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On 18/05/2018 at 4:45 PM, goughy said:

So, just for a bit of discussion......thought I'd start it here but can be cut to it's own thread if anyone likes....

With my daughter anxious to see the next season of 13 Reasons Why, I've been thinking about it and the way society deals with the subject of suicide.  Firstly, I haven't watched it.  I understand the furore around it from many, feeling like it's glorifying suicide or at the least giving people ideas.

But I wonder if part of the problem is how the media attempts to dull down the subject.  In news reports the word is rarely used, instead often saying that a death wasn't suspicious, and then concluding the story with the contact details for lifeline etc.  How exactly are we supposed to help those when the subject is kinda taboo?  Yes, there have been numerous high profile deaths of late which have helped bring it more into mainstream discussions, but still I feel like it's too much of a dirty word, and when it feels like that how are we (as a society) spose to allow people to accept that it's ok to feel that way and that there are other options out there.  Rather than have them feel "dirty" even though there are other options out there?

I hope I'm voicing that right.  

And so I wonder if the furore about a show like 13 Reasons isn't really about the subject itself, but because they don't shy away from the topic, as it seems much of the media is about?

OK 

 

I would fortunately/unfortunately say that I am highly experienced in this. 

 

I've tried 3 times. 

I've lost a mate 

I've dated a woman who attempted. 

All in the past 12 years. 

 

It will take a generation and then some to openly discuss suicide. It's horrible and destructive to watch someone go through or attempt. Yet seemingly logical to the person. So bloody complex. 

 

The frank discussion I've had with the woman I dated was interesting because as I'd attempted before, we shared similar trains of thought etc. Almost finishing each other's sentences. Spooky, but I found it more interesting from a self healing perspective. 

 

For me, the anti depression medication made me go that low. Since being drug free, I don't get ANYWHERE near that depressed. Even in high fatigue or stress situations. All it seems to take to pick me up is a hug from my daughter, sunrise or sunset. Or an ice cream 😁😂✌️

 

I am unsure how I feel about the TV series. Haven't heard anything about it. As long as it is educational. For both sides. 

Personally, when I hear about the amount of suicide in Aboriginal communities in WA I get really emotional. Because I KNOW how low they must be to go there, let alone succeed. 

 

The thing is that as a person who has those thoughts, you need a solid sounding board and not just a doctor who will ****ing drug you up and turn you into a zombie. 

 

And if you sense something in someone you love. Give them a ****ing hug. It could be all that they need. No talk. No question. Just a warm hug. They have emence power and are totally under rated. 

 

Love to all reading this. You're beautiful people. 

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