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The Mental Health thread

Mental Health  

303 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you suffer from a mental illness?

    • Yes
      97
    • No
      169
    • Maybe - yet to see a doctor about it
      39
  2. 2. Do you know someone who suffers a mental illness

    • Yes
      247
    • No
      31
    • Don't know but suspect they do
      27


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Sound the pits mate. Like the others have said, it sounds like it's more than just the IM. 

Think hard about whether giving this up is going to really fix things. If so, make sure you are both certain about that. Remember, you can wind the training commitment back and go round in 13+. If that still causes problems, then IM is not the reason.

And most of all think about what is best for you and your daughter. That is what's most important in the long run. We'll all support you either way.

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If not doing IM will salvage things with Ali then don’t do the IM mate, relationship is more important.  Like everyone else has said mate, either way you go we’ve got your back 100%.  

PS; don’t even try for sub 10, enjoy the day cruise around, lap it up bloke, I won’t be finished in sub 10 and I wanna see you cross the line and shower you in emu export! So slow down, enjoy the ride! (If you choose to continue through with IM)

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On 19/07/2018 at 12:45 PM, roxii said:

Please everyone look after yourself and those around you. 

Just heard some terrible news. 

Those who have been here an while will remember Yurtie and his wife Snoo. 

Unfortunately Snoo (Susan) passed away on Tuesday. Leaving behind Yurtie (Simon) and Rosella their daughter. 

Simon and I met through here and became good friends as did our families as our daughters are the same age. 

Susan suffered a lot and often with her demons. I don’t know the cause of death but I hope she is at peace now. 

😢

If you have a spare  moment please spare a thought for the Yurtie family as Susan is laid to rest today. 

:sadangel:

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Sorry to hear about Snoo. Sincerest condolences to friends and Yurtie's family!

Second anniversary of my wife's passing last Thursday. Unfortunately it's BS when people say it gets easier...

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On 02/08/2018 at 11:50 AM, roxii said:

If you have a spare  moment please spare a thought for the Yurtie family as Susan is laid to rest today. 

:sadangel:

That’s sad to hear, Roxii.  Yurtie was a measured and quality poster when Trannies was at its most feral; seems a very good guy.

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Old school mate of mine, didn't catch up that much other than on FB a lot.  Was a paramedic who hasn't been able to work for a while with ptsd and was officially dismissed by QAS I think in the last year as they felt his condition was unrecoverable.  Past away yesterday, not specificity sure what happened but I fear the worst, only found out on FB and most of us are pretty shocked by it!  He was the toughest mf'er.  Perspective.....

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On 12/08/2018 at 7:04 AM, goughy said:

Old school mate of mine, didn't catch up that much other than on FB a lot.  Was a paramedic who hasn't been able to work for a while with ptsd and was officially dismissed by QAS I think in the last year as they felt his condition was unrecoverable.  Past away yesterday, not specificity sure what happened but I fear the worst, only found out on FB and most of us are pretty shocked by it!  He was the toughest mf'er.  Perspective.....

Ambos, Fireman, Police, Nurses,Army, etc that all have to see and deal with some horrific things in doing their job need a lot more help in this area (PTSD).Far too often they get cast aside.

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Sorry to hear Goughy, unfortunately too many people seem to hold an identity that is tied exclusively to their jobs, take it away and depression and the like creep in way to easy.  I hate asking people when meeting them now "So what do you do", it really is entrenched in our society which is so crap when it's a notion from our parents and grandparents era and job stability and career changes are so different in our time.  Ask people when you meet them something else like "What makes you tick" or "What are your hobbies"

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Sam:

Chill. Please. It's a hobby. As Peter says, it's meant to be fun. If it isn't then back off. 

LITERALLY noone here gives two ****s about what time you go around in or if you even go round at all or even make the start line. You are a lovely man and people did a thing that is nice to do by getting the place. I wasn't one of them but I can abso****inglutely guarantee that nobody did it with any kind of achievement / time / anything else in mind. They just wanted to do a nice thing to make a nice person feel good.

Take the time off, reconnect with Ali if that's right and if you fancy it, have a pop. Otherwise focus on what matters. 

Thinking of you buddy.

Chris

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1 minute ago, monkie said:

abso****inglutely

Haha. Too rite

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2 hours ago, monkie said:

Sam:

Chill. Please. It's a hobby. As Peter says, it's meant to be fun. If it isn't then back off. 

LITERALLY noone here gives two ****s about what time you go around in or if you even go round at all or even make the start line. You are a lovely man and people did a thing that is nice to do by getting the place. I wasn't one of them but I can abso****inglutely guarantee that nobody did it with any kind of achievement / time / anything else in mind. They just wanted to do a nice thing to make a nice person feel good.

Take the time off, reconnect with Ali if that's right and if you fancy it, have a pop. Otherwise focus on what matters. 

Thinking of you buddy.

Chris

Hmmm

 

Timely. 

I'm writing this just before I go to bed. 2:15 wake up in the morning for a Zwift and then at 6 when Mooj is awake and I've got her breakfast I do a short run out the front of the house up and down the street. 

 

Mooj was upset that we have been going to bed so early because we never sit up and watch a movie together because I have to get the training done. Which means early starts on the weekends I have her and near exhaustion the rest of the time. She understands that it's just till Busso then life goes back to normal. But it's ****ing hard to tell her this and explain it. 

 

Ali is gone. I've "mourned". And moved on. 

 

Although it is definitely NOT what is on the MKC program, I'm going to change the workouts for the weekend that I have Ivy(Mooj). Because I can't hack seeing her go through this as well as me. She's been quite stoic about the diet changes and sleep regime. But I am going to tweak it so we can do basic fun stuff. 

 

I'm sorry to Matt for letting him down. It's deeply embarrassing. He's a great coach who has an endless amount of knowledge and skills to share. He is passionate and professional. 

 

But having a mirror held up to my "Ironman want" and the reflection not being what I thought and wanted has been educational. 

 

Thanks all. Have to sleep. 

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12 minutes ago, FFF1077 said:

I'm sorry to Matt for letting him down. It's deeply embarrassing. He's a great coach who has an endless amount of knowledge and skills to share. He is passionate and professional. 

If Matt is a good coach (which from all I've heard he is) then he should be able to adjust the program to suit. His job is to get you to Busso in the best shape he can. If you have to drop the program because it's inflexible, then you won't get to Busso in the best shape. It's a 2 way process Sam. Talk to Matt about it.

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11 hours ago, Ex-Hasbeen said:

If Matt is a good coach (which from all I've heard he is) then he should be able to adjust the program to suit. His job is to get you to Busso in the best shape he can. If you have to drop the program because it's inflexible, then you won't get to Busso in the best shape. It's a 2 way process Sam. Talk to Matt about it.

Ex, 

That's good advice. Thank you. From where I sit, Matt is a busy guy who is trying to run a business and do what he LOVES. He has a lot of guys/girls who are with him long term who, imo, stand in front of me in the "contact time" line. And I'm cool with this. 

 

On my weekend with Ivy I will improvise the sessions required and see how that goes. It will be better than nothing. I know "how long" and "how hard", and I will go from there. 

 

Thanks very much. You are all ****ing cracking humans. 

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5 hours ago, FFF1077 said:

Ex, 

That's good advice. Thank you. From where I sit, Matt is a busy guy who is trying to run a business and do what he LOVES. He has a lot of guys/girls who are with him long term who, imo, stand in front of me in the "contact time" line. And I'm cool with this. 

 

On my weekend with Ivy I will improvise the sessions required and see how that goes. It will be better than nothing. I know "how long" and "how hard", and I will go from there. 

 

Thanks very much. You are all ****ing cracking humans. 

Sam, it would be good for you let him know, just send an email with the changes & the reasons. He needs to know because each session he plans for you relates to what he plans for the following session. He'll be happier knowing, so you can work together. He'll only have half the picture if you dont. 

And ... your reasons are why we think youre a great dude 🙄😘

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Mate having been to and known as many Ironmans as I have over the years I can assure that as of this point in time you have already done enough to finish an Ironman and easily make the cutoff and are right now in better shape than quite a few folks who will toe  the line on race day. 

Any shortcomings on race day will be made up for on race day by your sheer determination, a determination that you have already shown by getting as far as you have juggling the life you lead. 

Dont stress mate, do what you can, even if it’s only staying well fed and well rested and mentally on top of things. 

Forget about times, if the race was tomorrow you would do it and do it easily. 

Maintain what you have and where possible make a few advances where you can 

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Sammy.  The best par of your post was the fact you are thinking of Ivy.  This is credit to you.  Many wouldn't but this goes to show how great a dad you are.  Be proud of that.  If Matt cannot adapt to this that would be disappointing.  As I have said to you before if you never ask you will never know.  Yes there is always a process that needs to take place, but if you can be consistent in your training and nutrition I think it will go a long way to helping you in December.  Basically get a good run, a good bike and a good swim in each week and what else you can.  

If hard to adapt due to time breaking sessions down into double days may help as well.  

Be happy champ, 

 

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Well I have to say I have had a pretty horrific experience this afternoon.  Driving to pool this arvo going past footy ground the road had cars parked down either side of road so only enough room for one car.  A car was coming the other way and I stopped at top of hill and let them come through.  He passed with no acknowledgement and I just raised my arm and shrugged.  I drove down road and parked at pool.  A couple minutes later this car pulls up beside me.  A kid gets out the passenger side and then an adult gets out the driver side and walks towards my drivers side door.  

He says remember me? No sorry I don't.  He pulls open my door, I grabbed the handle inside so he couldn't pull open all the way. He then says show me your finger now, so he obviously thought I had flipped him the bird.  He then starts going on about ripping it off.  I told him to let go of my door.  He tried to wrench it more.  Then slammed on me.  Next thing he is going your scared aren't you.  Then he proceeds to headbutt my driver side window 3 times really hard.  He then got back in his car and left.  I got his number plate and rang the cops.  At this stage I was a bit shaky and couldn't remember my own phone number when the cop asked me.  I said my mums.  

Now how the **** do we allow people like this on our roads. He had two kids with him as well.  

The guy looked like a gym bro on roids and that's how I explained it to the cops and he got it straight away.  

This type of person will attack anyone when he is in the mood.  

This combined with the loony yesterday morning been a pretty eventful weekend.  

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On 19/07/2018 at 9:57 AM, MissJess said:

Blergh...just blergh... doctor wants me to lose 5-10% of my body weight - its about 9-10kg and my grandfather died suddenly yesterday (the flu). I can't run (ITB/glute/hip issues), I can't bunch ride (only the TT) and the trainer is freaking squeaking. ****ing hell.

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time right now. Unfortunately the only thing I may be able to help you with is your squeaky trainer. Try rubbing candle wax on the spinny silver bit where it touches the tyre. Fixes mine. I do it before most rides.

On 30/07/2018 at 10:29 PM, FFF1077 said:

OK 

 

This is beyond my control/joke etc 

 

I have now lost my girlfriend because of this Busso thing. 

 

Yes I have said that I want to to an Ironman one day. 

 

Yes I argued that I would like to go sub 10 

 

Yes I should "shut up and accept the gesture" 

 

Yes the generosity is out of this world. 

 

But I am not going well. 

I am really in a bad place. 

I'm DEEPLY upset about losing Ali. She's awesome. I tried my best to keep her. I'm trying my best to keep you all happy and repay the gesture. I'm trying my best to eat right ON NO MONEY. 

 

I can't do it. 

You win. 

I'm just another all talk loser. 

 

Close that thread Willie. 

 

Good night. 

No you should not shut up and accept the gesture. The only think you should shut up about is talking to yourself in a negative way. You wouldn't talk to any of us that way, so what gives you the right to talk to yourself like that?!

On 18/08/2018 at 9:35 PM, FFF1077 said:

Hmmm

 

Timely. 

I'm writing this just before I go to bed. 2:15 wake up in the morning for a Zwift and then at 6 when Mooj is awake and I've got her breakfast I do a short run out the front of the house up and down the street. 

 

Mooj was upset that we have been going to bed so early because we never sit up and watch a movie together because I have to get the training done. Which means early starts on the weekends I have her and near exhaustion the rest of the time. She understands that it's just till Busso then life goes back to normal. But it's ****ing hard to tell her this and explain it. 

 

Ali is gone. I've "mourned". And moved on. 

 

Although it is definitely NOT what is on the MKC program, I'm going to change the workouts for the weekend that I have Ivy(Mooj). Because I can't hack seeing her go through this as well as me. She's been quite stoic about the diet changes and sleep regime. But I am going to tweak it so we can do basic fun stuff. 

 

I'm sorry to Matt for letting him down. It's deeply embarrassing. He's a great coach who has an endless amount of knowledge and skills to share. He is passionate and professional. 

 

But having a mirror held up to my "Ironman want" and the reflection not being what I thought and wanted has been educational. 

 

Thanks all. Have to sleep. 

You are doing an amazing job. Talk to Matt. Unless you are trying to KQ, IM is about the experience, NOT the time. When I race hard, I forget things that happened. You don't want to push so hard that you can't remember the day. Enjoy it.  As my big brother would say, "You'll shit it in" in 17 hours. So no pressure. 

It's not all that bad for Ivy to see you like this.  She needs to know that shit like this doesn't come without sacrifice and if you want big things, you need to work for them. But at the same time, you are still listening to her and putting her first. Good for you.

How many days do you have her? Make one of them your rest day?

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50 minutes ago, Cranky said:

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time right now. Unfortunately the only thing I may be able to help you with is your squeaky trainer. Try rubbing candle wax on the spinny silver bit where it touches the tyre. Fixes mine. I do it before most rides.

No you should not shut up and accept the gesture. The only think you should shut up about is talking to yourself in a negative way. You wouldn't talk to any of us that way, so what gives you the right to talk to yourself like that?!

You are doing an amazing job. Talk to Matt. Unless you are trying to KQ, IM is about the experience, NOT the time. When I race hard, I forget things that happened. You don't want to push so hard that you can't remember the day. Enjoy it.  As my big brother would say, "You'll shit it in" in 17 hours. So no pressure. 

It's not all that bad for Ivy to see you like this.  She needs to know that shit like this doesn't come without sacrifice and if you want big things, you need to work for them. But at the same time, you are still listening to her and putting her first. Good for you.

How many days do you have her? Make one of them your rest day?

**** you're a legend 😎✌️😊😊

I have talked to Mooj about that, work and sacrifice equal reward. 🙂👍

I'll contact him this week. 

 

Thanks. 🙂👌😎

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 This is not meant to be inspiring just to let you know life is not what we expect so be prepared and tolerant when the obstacles pop up.

 

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OK so I've sorted out the training with Matt. All good. Very happy. 

 

I have noticed something with my eating habits/problems 

 

When I eat well and the right amount, I am very negative outwardly. A guy at work yesterday told me to chill out and cheer up so I thought about how I'd been and to be honest, I've been a grumpy/negative prick for a couple of weeks now. I'm eating enough so I'm not "hangry" 

 

So on delivery I have had time to think about it. 

When I eat poorly and the wrong amount I can channel my hate inwards and externally I am chipper and happy. If I eat well etc I can't "hate myself" so I externalise it. 

 

Interesting self observation in the past couple of weeks. 

 

I've googled "why I self hate" but that just turned up lots of crap blogs. 

 

I am seriously considering the EAP at work. Need to sort it out. 

 

Cheers all. Have a great and safe weekend. 

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31 minutes ago, FFF1077 said:

OK so I've sorted out the training with Matt. All good. Very happy. 

 

I have noticed something with my eating habits/problems 

 

When I eat well and the right amount, I am very negative outwardly. A guy at work yesterday told me to chill out and cheer up so I thought about how I'd been and to be honest, I've been a grumpy/negative prick for a couple of weeks now. I'm eating enough so I'm not "hangry" 

 

So on delivery I have had time to think about it. 

When I eat poorly and the wrong amount I can channel my hate inwards and externally I am chipper and happy. If I eat well etc I can't "hate myself" so I externalise it. 

 

Interesting self observation in the past couple of weeks. 

 

I've googled "why I self hate" but that just turned up lots of crap blogs. 

 

I am seriously considering the EAP at work. Need to sort it out. 

 

Cheers all. Have a great and safe weekend. 

Dont 'seriously consider' it.. just do it!! it should be free and could make a difference..

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EAP services are brilliant.....do it.  Used it a few times for various matters.  

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20 hours ago, FFF1077 said:

OK so I've sorted out the training with Matt. All good. Very happy. 

 

I have noticed something with my eating habits/problems 

 

When I eat well and the right amount, I am very negative outwardly. A guy at work yesterday told me to chill out and cheer up so I thought about how I'd been and to be honest, I've been a grumpy/negative prick for a couple of weeks now. I'm eating enough so I'm not "hangry" 

 

So on delivery I have had time to think about it. 

When I eat poorly and the wrong amount I can channel my hate inwards and externally I am chipper and happy. If I eat well etc I can't "hate myself" so I externalise it. 

 

Interesting self observation in the past couple of weeks. 

 

I've googled "why I self hate" but that just turned up lots of crap blogs. 

 

I am seriously considering the EAP at work. Need to sort it out. 

 

Cheers all. Have a great and safe weekend. 

 What's EAP?

Good on you for looking at yourself.... reflection is good .... just don't hate

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1 minute ago, Cranky said:

What's EAP?

Employee Assistance Program.

Most large employers have one, but may call it something else.

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At my work I have boxes of Cadbury favorites!  Does the same job.

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Great to hear Shrek. 

Keep plugging away and enjoy the support and love from your partner and friends 😊✌️😎

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A month without any posts in this thread. I'm hoping this is a good thing and reflective of everybody doing OK rather than people suffering in silence.

Take care of yourselves :D

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Well done BR for venting here not at the manager. Wouldve been crap to receive that. You say youre a social being, maybe do something where others are around, like a parkrun volunteer (only an example). You can engage as much or little as you want. Every 'nice work mate' you call out helps someone & inturn gives you a small lift. 

Hope this doesnt come across as trivialising your feelings, certainly not meang to.

Take care of yourself

Surfer

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BR, it's great of you to voice all that.  I hope even just writing it down has helped some?  I think I can relate a bit to how you're feeling.

You mention you have sought treatment a few times, I'm assuming that's counseling?  Are you getting any help at the moment?  If not, maybe finding someone you feel confortable with to talk to could help?  I say comfortable, cause I've finally learned that it has to kinda be a partnership and if they're not the right person for you, it just doesn't help.

Speak up as much as you want.

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Squeeze the puss out as much as you like BR. Keep talking as much as you can. Your better half and specialist are always good listeners.

Interesting, the last few weeks I've been doing a lot of reading about fasting and HFLC. The science and results are quite interesting for not only weight loss and health markers, but also mental health and cell regeneration. It would be great if the natural world could cure/help the body the natural way.

Keep your chin up and not out. We are always here.....

FM

 

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Tough read BR but that's what this thread is for. My only suggestion would be to not do anything in the heat of the moment. As you have identified your mental health is cyclical and it sounds like you're in a valley rather than a peak at the moment. Objectively you know that any decisions you make right now have a significant chance of being sub-optimal (aka a crock of shite).

In my humble experience the time to make life decisions is when you're hanging around the top of the mountain looking down, not trudging through the valley keeping it going. Recharge, reflect but don't burn a bridge until you're in a better place.

Alternatively feel free to ignore all of that. Just my tuppence. :) 

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7 hours ago, Surfer said:

Well done BR for venting here not at the manager. Wouldve been crap to receive that. You say youre a social being, maybe do something where others are around, like a parkrun volunteer (only an example). You can engage as much or little as you want. Every 'nice work mate' you call out helps someone & inturn gives you a small lift. 

Hope this doesnt come across as trivialising your feelings, certainly not meang to.

Take care of yourself

Surfer

Unfortunately I did vent at the boss.

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8 minutes ago, BigRig said:

Unfortunately I did vent at the boss.

That’s ok too!

I like your idea of a camper and going to see the place, why not, if you are in a position to do so then it may be the best thing for you.  You clearly have industry knowledge so regaining work I presume wouldn’t be a huge issue? 

Heading off and recharging may just be the spark you need!

#keeptalking

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14 hours ago, BigRig said:

Sales dollar are 50% up on last year but am apparently not doing it the right way /his way.My KPI's, touch points, etc,blah blah....

And this is where I would have told him to him to fcuk off BR.  But that's a reflection of the point I've reached with a job-type I've done for 31yrs, mental health, age, life, genetics, upbringing etc.  I've developed a form of tourettes syndrome where what I'm thinking often just hits the table. Too many years of holding it in & toeing the line, I guess something had to give.  Like you BR (and like many people on this Forum), triathlon was my medication, until it became my disease (i.e. an obsession which damaged my body).  But on the up side, I learned a lot of different exercises, techniques & health tips which allow me to stay relatively fit even when injured and also help mentally.

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10 hours ago, BigRig said:

Unfortunately I did vent at the boss.

Thats not always a bad thing 😊. You may be the only one thats ever done this. Some bosses crap on making people feel shite cos theyve never been told not to.

 

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4 hours ago, ComfortablyNumb said:

And this is where I would have told him to him to fcuk off BR.  But that's a reflection of the point I've reached with a job-type I've done for 31yrs, mental health, age, life, genetics, upbringing etc.  I've developed a form of tourettes syndrome where what I'm thinking often just hits the table. Too many years of holding it in & toeing the line, I guess something had to give.  Like you BR (and like many people on this Forum), triathlon was my medication, until it became my disease (i.e. an obsession which damaged my body).  But on the up side, I learned a lot of different exercises, techniques & health tips which allow me to stay relatively fit even when injured and also help mentally.

We sound very similar. I just don't take crap like I used too.Life is too short to have to deal with knobheads, and bad situations.

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I don't think I've posted here before, apart from in response to others. Partly because I try to handle it all myself, and partly because I'm embarrassed when I can't. I've always kept my feelings private, and having a brother on the forum probably doesn't help either.

I'm really not in a good place at the moment. My job is safe (so far), but I've had to tell a lot of people recently that they didn't have a job any more. That hurt bad. A lot of people don't realise that, and I don't feel I got the support I needed at the time. There's also a lot of other issues happening at the moment too.

Sometimes when I'm alone in the car I think "what if I just drove into that truck?" I know I wouldn't do it, but it's a thought that's there, and it worries me.

I had a lot more written here, but I couldn't leave it on paper. I'll just keep it about me (After all I am a triathlete. Or was anyway) 

I just feel like shit. Really don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight. I think it's helped writing this though.

 

Mike, if you see this, it goes nowhere.

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Ex,  I can't imagine what it took to write that but I'm glad you did.  We work in the same industry and there are challenges everywhere here as well.

It's hard when you've bet a certain athletic level that is high (not me) and have to deal with multiple set backs (definitely me) and deal with all the other shit life deals you on top of that. The outlet we are used to having is not there any more.

My commute, job stress, Flipper and impending house purchase in an uncertain financial climate, all conspire to me flirting with a similar thought process about the 'worth' of things.

I have found found it's vitally important to make peace with yourself over what you are able to do, compared to yesteryear. Therein lies much frustration.  In that regard, this site is a blessing and a curse because you have great people but that 'hook' that keeps you connected to try.

There are lots of folks here now mate that have had to 're-invent' themselves.  Take heart from that and be the best version of Ex that current circumstances allow  (easier said than done I know).

 

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1 hour ago, Ex-Hasbeen said:

I don't think I've posted here before, apart from in response to others. Partly because I try to handle it all myself, and partly because I'm embarrassed when I can't. I've always kept my feelings private, and having a brother on the forum probably doesn't help either.

I'm really not in a good place at the moment. My job is safe (so far), but I've had to tell a lot of people recently that they didn't have a job any more. That hurt bad. A lot of people don't realise that, and I don't feel I got the support I needed at the time. There's also a lot of other issues happening at the moment too.

Sometimes when I'm alone in the car I think "what if I just drove into that truck?" I know I wouldn't do it, but it's a thought that's there, and it worries me.

I had a lot more written here, but I couldn't leave it on paper. I'll just keep it about me (After all I am a triathlete. Or was anyway) 

I just feel like shit. Really don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight. I think it's helped writing this though.

 

Mike, if you see this, it goes nowhere.

Just a query- have you spoken to Mike (I presume your brother here?) about how you are feeling, sometimes confiding ina loved one can help.

im currently seeing a counsellor about lots of stuff and your comment above about driving into a truck rings so true to me too, I was very close earlier this year with all the stuff going on at home, I actually had a truck lined up, he came over the UHF screaming at me.  Glad I didn’t go through with it, but it was the prompt I needed to actually seek help.  

Your post didn’t really delve into much apart from having to lay people off and that sucks, could it also be your lack of swimming lately due to injury that has had some effect also?

Edited by KieranR
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Ex, FP, Kieran, I hear you.  Saw a clinical psychologist briefly a few years ago who I found to be fairly useless, told me something like suicide was "a cowardly way out because of what it did to the people left behind", made me think "mate, I don't think you really understand how shit people can feel, how totally pointless everything can seem". So I just went to bed a lot of nights hoping not to wake up.  He also told me to forget triathlon, you can't fight nature (regarding my knees), take up drawing (which he gleaned was something I'd enjoyed in my childhood - but I already had creative hobbies - fly-tying & model building, so it made no sense to me).  I just stopped seeing him after 4-5 visits.

He did get me thinking about the benefits of meditation/relaxation techniques, but I'm a bit too A-type to stick at it.  I have adopted PJs vagus nerve breathing exercise though - quick, easy and I think it helps. 

Meds worked well for me too (Citalopram), and over 4yrs I've weaned myself down to a 25% dose now (1/2 a tablet every 2nd day).

Even though I've made some great gains with my knees, I find every time I start to move towards competing again (even at a very dinky level), shit starts to hit the fan.  I'm sure there is a big psychological component in that.  Recently, I found a great blog from a bloke with similar problems (https://inscape489664645.wordpress.com/2018/07/24/my-knee-pain-success-story-a-surprising-road-from-despair-to-joy/), which led me to another great Forum on the psychological aspects of chronic pain which I'm just working through now (http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/).  I'm sure this mind-body thing is a big issue for many A-type triathletes, who are big internal thinkers in the first place & triathlon only feeds that.  It's all about the development of neural pathways in the brain which remember pain even when the physical cause of the pain does not exist or has resolved itself.

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