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The Mental Health thread

Mental Health  

303 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you suffer from a mental illness?

    • Yes
      97
    • No
      169
    • Maybe - yet to see a doctor about it
      39
  2. 2. Do you know someone who suffers a mental illness

    • Yes
      247
    • No
      31
    • Don't know but suspect they do
      27


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On 01/02/2018 at 8:07 AM, goughy said:

Things for my son have taken a turn for the worst and it's really starting to take a toll on the rest of us........

I'm not gonna write the whole post, it's too big..... but **** me this is doing my head in!

Kyan comes home this arvo to start a 10 day suspension from school for cyber bullying!  Just one thing after the other.  His attendance had been good since he started his modified schedule (and he asked this term to return to normal), bit this suspension will have his attendance level on the cusp of repeating, even if he doesn't miss another day of school the rest of the year.

Just finished talking with the deputy, and we're all on the same page.  A friend of his was being goaded by these twin girls at the school who are well known for trying to get other kids in to trouble (and have been suspended themselves for this behaviour), but keen got angry at them instead, standing up for his friend, and told one of them she was a ****ing prick and can burn in hell with her bitch sister!  

Even the dep said it was admirable that he was trying to stand up for his friend, but he's gone about it the wrong way.  And because the has been such a strong focus on cyber bullying this year, and because the girls kicked up such a fuss, they've had no choice but to take a hard line.  She said the suspension would have been longer still, except he's admitted to everything from the first moment, told the full truth and been very cooperative, whereas all the other kids involved she's had to interview multiple times to try and get the story straight out of them!

Just **** me what else can go wrong with him this year?  He's had so much shit this year, and now this.  He's put up with bullying (online and at school) himself, not sleeping, self harming.  **** me.  And I accept they have to take a hard stance on this, and make examples.  Even the deputy said it was admirable of him to try to protect his friend, but that he's gone about trying to help her the wrong way!  And then we have my daughter who is most likely (not even bring too presumptuous here) going to be school Captain next year, going on a crusade with this year's school captain against bullying, because of stuff she heard about Kyan from other kids in his grade, and what was happening to him!

Just ****ing don't know what to do any more... 

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Hmmmm.....agree re: mother's day.  I don't have children (not by choice, just not able to) and no children in my life around.  :mellow:

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5 minutes ago, goughy said:

I'm not gonna write the whole post, it's too big..... but **** me this is doing my head in!

Kyan comes home this arvo to start a 10 day suspension from school for cyber bullying!  Just one thing after the other.  His attendance had been good since he started his modified schedule (and he asked this term to return to normal), bit this suspension will have his attendance level on the cusp of repeating, even if he doesn't miss another day of school the rest of the year.

Just finished talking with the deputy, and we're all on the same page.  A friend of his was being goaded by these twin girls at the school who are well known for trying to get other kids in to trouble (and have been suspended themselves for this behaviour), but keen got angry at them instead, standing up for his friend, and told one of them she was a ****ing prick and can burn in hell with her bitch sister!  

Even the dep said it was admirable that he was trying to stand up for his friend, but he's gone about it the wrong way.  And because the has been such a strong focus on cyber bullying this year, and because the girls kicked up such a fuss, they've had no choice but to take a hard line.  She said the suspension would have been longer still, except he's admitted to everything from the first moment, told the full truth and been very cooperative, whereas all the other kids involved she's had to interview multiple times to try and get the story straight out of them!

Just **** me what else can go wrong with him this year?  He's had so much shit this year, and now this.  He's put up with bullying (online and at school) himself, not sleeping, self harming.  **** me.  And I accept they have to take a hard stance on this, and make examples.  Even the deputy said it was admirable of him to try to protect his friend, but that he's gone about trying to help her the wrong way!  And then we have my daughter who is most likely (not even bring too presumptuous here) going to be school Captain next year, going on a crusade with this year's school captain against bullying, because of stuff she heard about Kyan from other kids in his grade, and what was happening to him!

Just ****ing don't know what to do any more... 

Goughy this a tough one, while I agree with the school on anti-bullying I think the fact he was standing up for his friend should be recognised by the school. So many get burnt by getting involved, not walking away that it puts people off helping others or kids are to scared

I think Kyan is a champion for standing up to the the twins & by the way he handled himself when asked what he did.

 

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Goughy, that's a hard one. I would take it on a positive note. Have that positive chat just like the Dep said. It was good he stood up for a friend and also admitted. Soften the talk on the his delivery re how he said it. Take some good and some learnings.

Again, like I said, a hard one to deliver

FM

PS: I almost called up to see you but we were on a schedule. I came via Warwick and almost took the wrong turn - I would have ended up in Toowoomba. 

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Hardest part with Mothers and Fathers day for me is how to approach it with my In laws who lost their only child! All I can do is tell them I love them and am thinking of them on the day. They have always said I'm the son they never had, but it isn't the same...

 

 

Edited by Dalai
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My mum and both my grandmothers are dead and I have no kids. I do have a stepmother, and on mothers day she posted on Facebook that mothers day makes her sad because her child (my half brother) is overseas and she can't hug him. She did Skype him but that doesn't count, apparently. I sent her a virtual hug but I don't know if that was appreciated either.

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Hugs to Skel, -H- and Dalai; all really lovely people who I'm glad to have met over the years.

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Goughy 

 

Tough situation. 

I applaud your son. **** the school. We all know that standing up to bullies is what has to be done. If he gets into strife, he's fighting the good fight IMO. In front of the Dep I would be "concerned parent", at home, I'd buy the kid an ice cream. Tell him there are other smarter ways to respond and educate him such. Teach him to play the game. Unfortunately we have to. 

And the contrast between the two kids is common. My friend has two children, girl and a boy. Polar opposites! It's ****ing weird. But that's genetics I guess. 

 

Keep talking mate. We'll listen and respond when we can. We're all here to help. 

 

Cheers mate 

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Actually, I have to applaud the school too, as I have been a big supporter of their hard stance, on everything, considering they're a state school.  Interesting the stuff I'm learning about it though.  The twin girls in question are "family friends" of the girl they were bullying that Kyan stood up for.  They are also in yr12 while Kyan and his friend are in yr8.  And that it took a week for them to go to the dep to complain because they were on suspension at the time, for bullying!  They are well known for it in the school and have been suspended multiple times.  This is what they actually do, they try and suck kids into reacting then report them to the school..... they were actually after the girl but Kyan went at them instead.  The dep told me that she wishes they didn't have to suspend Kyan but the girls complained so hard about it they had no choice but to follow the school guidlines, cept they halved the mandatory 20 days to 10.  She also was very up front with me in saying that Kyan was doing the right thing, just in the wrong way!  His head of year has also spoken to him, and told him if these girls approach him at school (which they also do) he is to say nothing to them and immediately go to the office and speak to one of the deps there.

It just seems the poor bastard has gotten the short end of the stick this year!  And I'm desperate for him to not get more stressed and get back to bad habits.  What's most annoying is we had parent/teacher interviews last week and found out he's been making the decision himself to separate himself from his friends in class and sit away from them so he can concentrate more, and they said it's been making a difference!  I don't want him to lose all that.

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As long as he gets to hang out with them between classes it will be fine. I had that done to me. Got put up the front and to the far left of every class I was in due to misbehaving. My own fault. But my mates from school didn't care either way. Initially it was weird though. 

 

Keep doing what you can do mate 😎🤘

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He wasn't separated by the teacher, he actually moved of his own accord!  But he's home for the next two weeks anyway.....

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3 hours ago, goughy said:

He wasn't separated by the teacher, he actually moved of his own accord!  But he's home for the next two weeks anyway.....

ok

there's maturity right there. But with other factors I'd be vigilent.

 

Hugs your way mate

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On 15/05/2018 at 7:12 AM, goughy said:

It just seems the poor bastard has gotten the short end of the stick this year!  And I'm desperate for him to not get more stressed and get back to bad habits.  What's most annoying is we had parent/teacher interviews last week and found out he's been making the decision himself to separate himself from his friends in class and sit away from them so he can concentrate more, and they said it's been making a difference!  I don't want him to lose all that.

Goughy as you know Im a teacher ..the school really has no choice in the matter, the Boss or Deputy will get the right royal boot up the backside from the Regional Director if they ignore cyber bullying. They have to take action.

Dont be mad at Kyan. Just say mate, lesson learned - you made a mistake by doing things that way. Tell him the school is just following correct protocol, so he needs to cop the 10 days. Its a bummer but in the big scheme, its not going to affect anything. He will have set school work assigned to him to do in those 10 days, just get on with it and dont be too disappointed. Everyone makes mistakes. You learn from them and become a better person. And he's already becoming a good person by standing up for people who are being bullied, and making excellent choices in the classroom too. There is a lot of positives to come out of it. Tell Kyan you understand why he did what he did and that you are not mad at him.

If he was an adult he could be charged with using a carriage service to harrass, menace or offend , which carries a maximum of 3 years gaol. Kids dont realise that what they say and do on their phones is monitored and kept and can be used against them. If you want to make a threat you dont type it so that it can be used as evidence against you. You say it quietly in their ear when there are no witnesses present. Its a good lesson for him about using the phone /internet correctly. Its hard to ignore nasty people, nasty comments ... most adults cant even do it ... this is the sort of crap that our kids have to deal with, that we never had to. Its difficult and they need our 100% support and love.

The twins will have been told that if they go near Kyan there will be hell to pay. They will stay away. If they dont, then Kyan needs to do what the Deputy said, say nothing to them and go straight to the Deputy.

Tell him the Deputy is on his side. Tell him the teachers have noticed he is concentrating better in class and is doing well. Tell him you are on his side and are happy with how he is going, how he is making good choices. Be positive mate. Unconditional love always with our kids. Let him know he's loved and its okay. Keep moving forward.

Edited by Derny Driver
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1 hour ago, ComfortablyNumb said:

Hey DD. Would he have been suspended if he just said it to their face rather than online?

Highly unlikely in my opinion. Kyan did not make a threat, it was more of an insult. Probably would have got a 5 minute talk about being nice to people. Especially since he was not the instigator, he was just responding / defending...

Then the Deputy could have just said to the girls, "We have spoken to Kyan and he acknowledges that what he said was wrong. But what you have been doing is wrong also, worse in fact. If it happens again etc...."

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Yes, I'm glad our youngest went toe to toe with the class bully in Yr12 and owned her in front of her classmates, made her look like the arsehat she was.  No repercussions, the Principal was quietly chuckling :D

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Yes, while we're not thrilled with the idea of a suspension, you can't be a supporter of the schools tough stance and then whinge when it catches you out.  In reality, the only reason we're disappointed is he had a rough time last term, and was making good decisions in class etc this one, and now two weeks at home.  The dep principal was great about the situation, knowing that it wasn't really Kyan causing the problem, and was positive about him standing up for a friend.  We find out more titbits all the time, as my daughter is in the schools senior leadership.  Basically the girls encourage this behaviour out of someone online, and then start intimidating them at school; we know they sought Kyan out on their first day back from their suspension but he was home sick that day.  They've been suspended multiple times for this sort of thing, and spent much of the day in the office complaining so much that if they get suspended for it, so should he.  So the dep told me they were really left with no choice due to the fuss they made, and the fact they have actively been discouraging cyber bullying this year.  When my daughter found out who the girls were, her response was "oh, it's the "insert name" twins!  Everybody hates them.  Don't worry about them!"

While he's received a kinda pat on the back for standing up for his friend, he has received some punishment.  He's off his game consoles, and is taking care of most of the stuff I do around the house (ie everything).  He's also got plenty of school work to do.  I just don't want him to lose the focus he found and slide back, plus I don't really want this time away from school to affect his exams.

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So, just for a bit of discussion......thought I'd start it here but can be cut to it's own thread if anyone likes....

With my daughter anxious to see the next season of 13 Reasons Why, I've been thinking about it and the way society deals with the subject of suicide.  Firstly, I haven't watched it.  I understand the furore around it from many, feeling like it's glorifying suicide or at the least giving people ideas.

But I wonder if part of the problem is how the media attempts to dull down the subject.  In news reports the word is rarely used, instead often saying that a death wasn't suspicious, and then concluding the story with the contact details for lifeline etc.  How exactly are we supposed to help those when the subject is kinda taboo?  Yes, there have been numerous high profile deaths of late which have helped bring it more into mainstream discussions, but still I feel like it's too much of a dirty word, and when it feels like that how are we (as a society) spose to allow people to accept that it's ok to feel that way and that there are other options out there.  Rather than have them feel "dirty" even though there are other options out there?

I hope I'm voicing that right.  

And so I wonder if the furore about a show like 13 Reasons isn't really about the subject itself, but because they don't shy away from the topic, as it seems much of the media is about?

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On 18/05/2018 at 4:45 PM, goughy said:

So, just for a bit of discussion......thought I'd start it here but can be cut to it's own thread if anyone likes....

With my daughter anxious to see the next season of 13 Reasons Why, I've been thinking about it and the way society deals with the subject of suicide.  Firstly, I haven't watched it.  I understand the furore around it from many, feeling like it's glorifying suicide or at the least giving people ideas.

But I wonder if part of the problem is how the media attempts to dull down the subject.  In news reports the word is rarely used, instead often saying that a death wasn't suspicious, and then concluding the story with the contact details for lifeline etc.  How exactly are we supposed to help those when the subject is kinda taboo?  Yes, there have been numerous high profile deaths of late which have helped bring it more into mainstream discussions, but still I feel like it's too much of a dirty word, and when it feels like that how are we (as a society) spose to allow people to accept that it's ok to feel that way and that there are other options out there.  Rather than have them feel "dirty" even though there are other options out there?

I hope I'm voicing that right.  

And so I wonder if the furore about a show like 13 Reasons isn't really about the subject itself, but because they don't shy away from the topic, as it seems much of the media is about?

OK 

 

I would fortunately/unfortunately say that I am highly experienced in this. 

 

I've tried 3 times. 

I've lost a mate 

I've dated a woman who attempted. 

All in the past 12 years. 

 

It will take a generation and then some to openly discuss suicide. It's horrible and destructive to watch someone go through or attempt. Yet seemingly logical to the person. So bloody complex. 

 

The frank discussion I've had with the woman I dated was interesting because as I'd attempted before, we shared similar trains of thought etc. Almost finishing each other's sentences. Spooky, but I found it more interesting from a self healing perspective. 

 

For me, the anti depression medication made me go that low. Since being drug free, I don't get ANYWHERE near that depressed. Even in high fatigue or stress situations. All it seems to take to pick me up is a hug from my daughter, sunrise or sunset. Or an ice cream 😁😂✌️

 

I am unsure how I feel about the TV series. Haven't heard anything about it. As long as it is educational. For both sides. 

Personally, when I hear about the amount of suicide in Aboriginal communities in WA I get really emotional. Because I KNOW how low they must be to go there, let alone succeed. 

 

The thing is that as a person who has those thoughts, you need a solid sounding board and not just a doctor who will ****ing drug you up and turn you into a zombie. 

 

And if you sense something in someone you love. Give them a ****ing hug. It could be all that they need. No talk. No question. Just a warm hug. They have emence power and are totally under rated. 

 

Love to all reading this. You're beautiful people. 

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It's gone to sh!t again :( i seriously dont know whats going on, i try and do stuff, cop flak for it, do other stuff, cop flak for it, change tact and try another way, get abused.

Spend all arvo outside yesterday tinkering on Ute, had the kids outside with me to give her peace and quiet so she could study, took the kids for a 90 minute walk, come home and get screamed at because she couldn't study as my outside music was loud,  it wasn't, i was just had my phone playing music softly in the canopy of the Ute.  

I spoke to a friend about it and i told her that i fell like I don't really give a f@#k anymore, I feel sad etc,  she reckons im not coping too well (she knows me well) and wants me to go see a doctor.....but honestly i have no idea what they can do to help me.  Do i just go in and say that i dont give a f@#k anymore?

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Firstly, I'll say your friend is right!  Go to your doctor, have a good long chat with them, and get a mental health plan in place and a referral to go see someone!  Do it now!  Face it, many of the most successful and well balanced people in the world will still go visit a psychologist, just to get a head clean and keep things running well.  It's not a sign of failure, but of willingness to do what ever you need to keep things in tune.  Do it now!  She may be right that you're not coping too well, and should you be!  This is ****ing tough shit you both are going through.  It's not suppose to be easy, and needing help with it is not a sign of failure.

They may be able to help you understand some of what your wife is going through, and comprehend more of how she feels.  They may help you understand what you are going through yourself, and that it's ok to be feeling like this and that it's ok to feel lost.  And even if they can't do any of that, you need the tune up yourself.

It's not unusual to not understand how someone's head works, even your partner's.  I can't comprehend how my wife isn't in the pit of depression, yet she's not.  She can't understand how my head works either.  I swear if you put the best of me and her together we'd rule the ****ing world.  

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Goughy is right Kieran 

Very right in fact. 

 

Confront and look at what you are feeling, get guidance on how to maintain your mental health. Strategies that assist with coping with stress etc. 

 

Best wishes and stuff to you mate. Keep talking. 

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I've booked with doctor for 7pm tonight after i finish work.  I've also been talking with a very close female friend of mine.  So yes I am talking.  I also told my wife im going to Doctor tonight, i asked her to just hold off on any questions for the time being.  I need to talk to others first.

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Mate, you're doing everything right, and everything you say you're feeling is right too.  Honestly, it should be as confusing and frustrating as all hell.  It would be for anybody.  Great steps you're taking.

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Hey mate, not an expert and just shooting from the hip. 

Reading back a bit on your posts, I would say that there is just too much going on in your wife's life at the moment and until she starts clearing some of the backlog of baggage she will struggle to get through any issues that pop up on a daily basis. 

I dont think continuing to be "angry" about a past she cant change is healthy. Its like her baseline anger will always be at 7 out of 10, this doesn't give much room for any additional "issues". 

Maybe with all going on with your son etc, study may not be the best thing for her at the moment. Either way until she gets a better handle on her past the future will always be difficult. 

Just my 2c

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8 minutes ago, roxii said:

Hey mate, not an expert and just shooting from the hip. 

Reading back a bit on your posts, I would say that there is just too much going on in your wife's life at the moment and until she starts clearing some of the backlog of baggage she will struggle to get through any issues that pop up on a daily basis. 

I dont think continuing to be "angry" about a past she cant change is healthy. Its like her baseline anger will always be at 7 out of 10, this doesn't give much room for any additional "issues". 

Maybe with all going on with your son etc, study may not be the best thing for her at the moment. Either way until she gets a better handle on her past the future will always be difficult. 

Just my 2c

I agree with you 100%.  I told her she doesn't have the capacity to study right now.............................that sent her into a tirade against me, she has been seeing a psych for years now, to me shes getting no where, but like ive said before she doesn't want me talking about it with her.

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15 minutes ago, KieranR said:

I agree with you 100%.  I told her she doesn't have the capacity to study right now.............................that sent her into a tirade against me, she has been seeing a psych for years now, to me shes getting no where, but like ive said before she doesn't want me talking about it with her.

She probably feels that it is something she can do for 'her' rather than being or doing things for others (wifeing and mothering). I can see her logic but unfortunately I can also see that if she fails the study side of things (due to all the other things going on in your world) then she will get even more 'down'... 

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33 minutes ago, pieman said:

She probably feels that it is something she can do for 'her' rather than being or doing things for others (wifeing and mothering). I can see her logic but unfortunately I can also see that if she fails the study side of things (due to all the other things going on in your world) then she will get even more 'down'... 

She has issues letting go (clearly),  this has transposed down to everyday life and her "it has to be my way" or "no other way is the right way" attitude is just absurd.  it's worn me down.  If i clean, i find her later on re cleaning, If I hang washing out, i find her outside re hanging the washing because it wasn't hung the "right way".  making the bed is a nightmare in my house because it will play on her mind all day or night because the corner of the sheet wasn't tucked under how she will do it....i kid you not

I've tried so many times to talk to her about how there are many ways to do things and its OK for it to be done slightly different to how she would normally do it, the outcome will be the same.

I've now walked away from offering assistance with her uni stuff.  She was having issues with MS word the other day, im good with word and could have helped her, but its just safer to not offer and let her figure it out - i have no idea if she figured it out.

It's also not uncommon for me to wake up early, lets say 3 am and here she is wide awake and hasn't been to sleep yet despite being in bed for hours

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I went to the Doctor last night, we chatted for a long time, close to an hour, and she asked so many questions which i answered 100% honestly, next week we draw up a care plan for me and that unlocks appointments with a psych, i get 6 sessions and then back to the doctor who reviews everything and then that unlocks a further 5 sessions.

My wife really wants to know what it was about but im not OK with talking to her about it yet, im not even sure how i approach it yet with her, im sure that will come in time though.

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Yes, that's the way it works.  What your psychologist may do is try and stretch that over the course of a year, as then you can get another lot of appointments the following year (and so on and so forth), effectively not paying for any of them.  But if you feel you need them more frequently (particularly at the start) and are willing to pay for appointments if you use your 11 up, don't be shy pointing that out to them.

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7 hours ago, KieranR said:

I went to the Doctor last night, we chatted for a long time, close to an hour, and she asked so many questions which i answered 100% honestly, next week we draw up a care plan for me and that unlocks appointments with a psych, i get 6 sessions and then back to the doctor who reviews everything and then that unlocks a further 5 sessions.

My wife really wants to know what it was about but im not OK with talking to her about it yet, im not even sure how i approach it yet with her, im sure that will come in time though.

Good stuff Kieran, glad to hear you are talking to your Dr. One thing I find odd is that your wife won’t tell you about her sessions with her psych ( which seems fair)but wants to know all about yours with your Dr ( which doesn’t seem fair).  

It’s just my opinion of course but opening this up to a discussion with your wife right now has the potential to throw some oil on the fire.

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2 hours ago, FatPom said:

Good stuff Kieran, glad to hear you are talking to your Dr. One thing I find odd is that your wife won’t tell you about her sessions with her psych ( which seems fair)but wants to know all about yours with your Dr ( which doesn’t seem fair).  

It’s just my opinion of course but opening this up to a discussion with your wife right now has the potential to throw some oil on the fire.

Its her need to know / be in charge type of personality, i think its only natural to want to know, I mean I'd love to know what shes talking about but she asked me to just respect that she doesn't want to yet, and I can accept that, but yeah its totally different when it comes to the shoe being on the other foot.  

Without blowing my own trumpet, im a far easier person to work with and I'm sure ill open up to her much much sooner about stuff than what she will with me, after all its been years shes been seeing a psych.

I have no doubt me not talking to her about things at the moment will be bothering her big time and its probably making her stress things worse etc, but theres been some damage done to me and I need to work through some stuff with professional help before Im ready to deal with her.

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It may also be that you did just go to your GP (not that it's just a "just"), but she may find it strange that you're not talking because she sees it just as a GP visit.  Just a thought.

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On 15/05/2018 at 6:56 PM, goughy said:

He wasn't separated by the teacher, he actually moved of his own accord!  But he's home for the next two weeks anyway.....

Hey mate, worth a watch if you have a few minutes. 

Maybe pass it onto the teachers as well, I know we are thinking of doing it.

 

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Have only watched the first minute or so, but I knew straight away those two descriptions were the same kid!  Adhd, even OCD and other things can actually be a benefit - when approached the right way!  Didn't mean someone doesn't need help with it, but some of that help can be directing them on how to use those "negative" attributes as a positive!  I can't wait to Kyan starts grade 9 and can choose some of his subjects, I think he will begin to thrive!

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I feel for you Kieran and I hope it works out the best for you both. Chemical imbalances in the brain do unusual things to people. I know a few people very similar toy to your situation. They have dealt with it OK so far with only the occasional blow-up.  

All the best mate.

FM

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6 minutes ago, KieranR said:

Thanks Flanman! Taken the kids camping tonight, just them and me, a fire and some old man daddy music (as the kids say)

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You win bro. 

That's wicked 😎🤘👌👌

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1 hour ago, skel said:

Got the marshmallows I hope.......😁

In the great marshmallow drought that Karratha is currently going through we did manage to find a packet that’s gluten free. But the deal is they must eat the camp fire curry sausages I made first!  I must say it’s bloody deliciousB212993E-ED06-4B72-9262-B33288DC10DD.thumb.jpeg.f929ab384d3a823626d2a8ad7f17e184.jpeg

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Your kids have great adventures, well done Kieran x

Edited by Surfer
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41 minutes ago, Surfer said:

Your kids have great adventures, well done Kieran x

I try my best, it’s better than tv and iPads anyway of the week.  Dinner went down well as did the whole packet of marshmallows in about 3 minutes flat! I didn’t even get one ☹️AE4A9BD4-0CE8-416F-B7E5-CAC7BF4D426C.thumb.jpeg.359b7db35c9ec9b9e3ac0528f2f9e2ae.jpeg

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On 14/05/2018 at 1:46 PM, goughy said:

I'm not gonna write the whole post, it's too big..... but **** me this is doing my head in!

Kyan comes home this arvo to start a 10 day suspension from school for cyber bullying!  Just one thing after the other.  His attendance had been good since he started his modified schedule (and he asked this term to return to normal), bit this suspension will have his attendance level on the cusp of repeating, even if he doesn't miss another day of school the rest of the year.

Just finished talking with the deputy, and we're all on the same page.  A friend of his was being goaded by these twin girls at the school who are well known for trying to get other kids in to trouble (and have been suspended themselves for this behaviour), but keen got angry at them instead, standing up for his friend, and told one of them she was a ****ing prick and can burn in hell with her bitch sister!  

Even the dep said it was admirable that he was trying to stand up for his friend, but he's gone about it the wrong way.  And because the has been such a strong focus on cyber bullying this year, and because the girls kicked up such a fuss, they've had no choice but to take a hard line.  She said the suspension would have been longer still, except he's admitted to everything from the first moment, told the full truth and been very cooperative, whereas all the other kids involved she's had to interview multiple times to try and get the story straight out of them!

Just **** me what else can go wrong with him this year?  He's had so much shit this year, and now this.  He's put up with bullying (online and at school) himself, not sleeping, self harming.  **** me.  And I accept they have to take a hard stance on this, and make examples.  Even the deputy said it was admirable of him to try to protect his friend, but that he's gone about trying to help her the wrong way!  And then we have my daughter who is most likely (not even bring too presumptuous here) going to be school Captain next year, going on a crusade with this year's school captain against bullying, because of stuff she heard about Kyan from other kids in his grade, and what was happening to him!

Just ****ing don't know what to do any more... 

Teacher hat off. Good on him! Sorry he got in trouble for it. Did the girls get in trouble for whatever they did to cause his reaction? 

On 15/05/2018 at 5:21 AM, FFF1077 said:

Goughy 

 

Tough situation. 

I applaud your son. **** the school. We all know that standing up to bullies is what has to be done. If he gets into strife, he's fighting the good fight IMO. In front of the Dep I would be "concerned parent", at home, I'd buy the kid an ice cream. Tell him there are other smarter ways to respond and educate him such. Teach him to play the game. Unfortunately we have to. 

And the contrast between the two kids is common. My friend has two children, girl and a boy. Polar opposites! It's ****ing weird. But that's genetics I guess. 

 

Keep talking mate. We'll listen and respond when we can. We're all here to help. 

 

Cheers mate 

This

On 15/05/2018 at 7:12 AM, goughy said:

 

It just seems the poor bastard has gotten the short end of the stick this year!  And I'm desperate for him to not get more stressed and get back to bad habits.  What's most annoying is we had parent/teacher interviews last week and found out he's been making the decision himself to separate himself from his friends in class and sit away from them so he can concentrate more, and they said it's been making a difference!  I don't want him to lose all that.

This is impressive 

On 18/05/2018 at 6:45 PM, goughy said:

So, just for a bit of discussion......thought I'd start it here but can be cut to it's own thread if anyone likes....

With my daughter anxious to see the next season of 13 Reasons Why, I've been thinking about it and the way society deals with the subject of suicide.  Firstly, I haven't watched it.  I understand the furore around it from many, feeling like it's glorifying suicide or at the least giving people ideas.

But I wonder if part of the problem is how the media attempts to dull down the subject.  In news reports the word is rarely used, instead often saying that a death wasn't suspicious, and then concluding the story with the contact details for lifeline etc.  How exactly are we supposed to help those when the subject is kinda taboo?  Yes, there have been numerous high profile deaths of late which have helped bring it more into mainstream discussions, but still I feel like it's too much of a dirty word, and when it feels like that how are we (as a society) spose to allow people to accept that it's ok to feel that way and that there are other options out there.  Rather than have them feel "dirty" even though there are other options out there?

I hope I'm voicing that right.  

And so I wonder if the furore about a show like 13 Reasons isn't really about the subject itself, but because they don't shy away from the topic, as it seems much of the media is about?

My thoughts -  When I was in yr 8 an older boy at my school committed suicide.  I didn't even really know there was such a thing until then. My 8 year old struggles a lot with all sorts of things . Sometimes she's bunging it on, sometimes I know she's really struggling. I worry about her. When I was young I would have probably would have been given a smack and sent to my room or told to stop being stupid. Not that my parents were like that, but you know what I mean. These days I worry about everything I say. Will it be kept in her memory vault and gradually build up and cause problems for her later? If i tell her to stop being silly.... Will this make her think bad things about herself?

What I'm trying to say is when we were younger it wasn't a topic that was spoken about so it wasn't an option. I may be totally wrong here but I feel like some kids now think that it's an option because it is so well-publicised. Again I have no experience in the area. I just thought that when I was a kid if I was feeling sad or upset I would cry or yell at someone or whatever. Harming myself was never an option. Was that just because I was never that bad? Do kids resort to self harm these days because it's an option? Do I need to go back under my rock and shut up because I have no idea? I know that some people really do have serious problems. I'm not suggesting they don't. What I'm saying is that there are possibly a lot more kids that don't really have serious problems that resort to self harm because they know about it. ??

On 30/05/2018 at 8:05 AM, KieranR said:

I went to the Doctor last night, we chatted for a long time, close to an hour, and she asked so many questions which i answered 100% honestly, next week we draw up a care plan for me and that unlocks appointments with a psych, i get 6 sessions and then back to the doctor who reviews everything and then that unlocks a further 5 sessions.

 

This is great! Good on you. On a side note, can anyone tell me some more about how this plan works?

I worry about Dazz sometimes. He struggles, possibly where Lily has picked it up from, and I think it would be great for him to talk to someone. Our family Dr is great and he would feel comfortable talking to him about a plan. So what actually happens?

Everything to me is like water off a ducks back. We are so totally different. I worry about him.

A good example that came up a little while ago... We were on the way home from somewhere in the car together and on the radio the news mentioned about how our driver's licence soon will be on our phones. My thought was, fantastic! Because I never take my purse anyway, but I always take my phone everywhere, how convenient. His thought was, how easy it will be for people to steal your identity if your driver's licence is out there floating around. Just an example of how our minds work totally differently, and it feels to me like he always sees the negative in everything. I know this hurts his brain because he is always worrying about everything. I worry about something after it happens. Which drives him nuts because he thinks that I'm reckless and not safe. I choose to see the good in people and assume that everyone is kind and generous until proven otherwise. I think he thinks the opposite a lot of the time. He has had identity stolen before though. By a guy living with him. So of course it is more of a concern to him than me. ....

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They weren't suspended (though it appears to be a normal occurrence for them), as they didn't actually do anything to Kyan, but to one of his friends who hasn't reported them.  The dep did tell me that since suspending Kyan, they have had zero incidences of cyber bullying reported at the school, so I guess making an example of him has to some degree worked.  She also said his friends and "the twins" have had some argy bargy going on white he's been away, and she fully expected Kyan will have more trouble with them during the year, and is more visits to her.

From what I can find, suicide rates in Australia from 1921 to 1998 have averaged around 15% of deaths across all age groups and gender, with the actual percentage floating from around 10% to 18% depending on year.  That's 1 in every 8 people who pass away taking their own life. 

I think last year, for men between the age of 15 and 24 the rate is 31% of deaths.  In men from 25 to 44 it's over 24%, and is the highest reason for death in both those age groups.  In 2001 stats were similar, but other years saw big drops in those numbers.  In the end, over the last 100 years things haven't really changed that much.  

Jasmine came out late last night and said that she just found out one of the girls in her grade has killed herself.  It was all over her social media, with everyone talking about it.  She wasn't a friend as such, but Jas was friendly with her (she is with everybody).  She was one of the smart kids in the grade.  She doesn't know anything more about it (or hasn't told us), but she was really angry with a lot of the kids who were posting RIP's for her and changing their profile pics to pictures of her, when she knows they would be the kids giving her a hard time at school.  She's even more frustrated because she's been talking all term in the leadership meetings about having a big intervention into bullying and they've been working towards presenting something to the 7's and 8's about how to ignore and diffuse bullies at the end of this term.  But she said she had no idea this girl was having problems, and she's highly aware of this stuff happening around her.  She was so furious last night with people who can't see what their actions towards others can lead to!

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Life can be such a juggling act.....

Personal life went from good to shit, to very shit, and has now turned full circle and much better.....:-)

Although now work decides its going to screw me over...and getting the blame for things....meh...talk of restructuring me out...

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Shrek, I know that feeling. The bosses at one place seemed to make it so shit for us that we would quit first. Some held on for packages. I was only new, so left.

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On ‎3‎/‎06‎/‎2018 at 8:17 AM, Cranky said:

Do I need to go back under my rock and shut up because I have no idea?

No, you definitely don't need to shut up or go back under your rock.  I know we have a bit (ok, maybe a lot) of fun with the thousand and one questions you ask or the threads that you start, but you really are thoughtful and do care about others.

I know exactly what you are saying about young children getting to enjoy the innocence of their youth, but I guess it's also important that kids know enough to feel that they can also talk to others if they need to.  I don't know the answer either.

Dazz sounds a lot like me and is probably just a classic overthinker.  I worry about lots of things...  even reading this thread can be painful sometimes and I need to take a self imposed break to maintain my own relative sanity.  I haven't been on here all that much lately but luckily there's lot's of caring people on this site to lend an ear and help share the load.  I'm always amazed by the people on here.

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If you ask me that's a huge step in the right direction, and you should both be proud of yourselves.  I think you're doing the right thing be not pressuring her to talk, but the fact that she gave you something was probably a huge thing for her. 

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