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The Mental Health thread

Mental Health  

303 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you suffer from a mental illness?

    • Yes
      97
    • No
      169
    • Maybe - yet to see a doctor about it
      39
  2. 2. Do you know someone who suffers a mental illness

    • Yes
      247
    • No
      31
    • Don't know but suspect they do
      27


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On ‎4‎/‎04‎/‎2018 at 7:01 AM, FFF1077 said:

My goal is clear to me. I want to, at some point in my life, do a.......

But when my end goal is as above and I suddenly realise that I am sitting in a dimly lit car park covered with KFC wrappers and I'm $27 poorer... There is a ****ing serious issue/disconnect from my goal.

I'll be blunt, if it was me then I'd re-asses my goals.

If you dangle a carrot in front of a donkey, or a bone in front of a dog, the animal will strive to reach it.  If you keep waving it in front of them just out of reach the animal will generally keep moving forward to get it.  If you move it so far away that it's virtually out of sight the animal starts to loose attention and may tend to stray...  We're only human! :huh:

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6 hours ago, Go Easy said:

I'll be blunt, if it was me then I'd re-asses my goals.

If you dangle a carrot in front of a donkey, or a bone in front of a dog, the animal will strive to reach it.  If you keep waving it in front of them just out of reach the animal will generally keep moving forward to get it.  If you move it so far away that it's virtually out of sight the animal starts to loose attention and may tend to stray...  We're only human! :huh:

Thanks for your honesty. I actually genuinely appreciate it. 

 

I watched a YouTube video from MJK for a second time and a phrase stuck in my mind. 

 

"either you reassess the goal or reassess the behaviour" 

 

Refers to the disconnect between the two. I chewed the above statement over all day yesterday. 

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1 hour ago, FFF1077 said:

"either you reassess the goal or reassess the behaviour"

Absolutely, and it doesn't mean that your current goal is something that you could never achieve, it's just something that is too far away from where you are now.  I prefer to think of those goals as 'wish list' goals or dream goals...  It's fun to dream!

Setting good examples for your family and friends is possibly a better goal to keep you on track for healthy behaviour, and getting to the start line of whatever events you do (even Park Runs etc) in the best possible shape to achieve your best times and PB's is a great goal to aim for with your training.  Both of these will put K's and experience in your legs, and durability in your brain, for whenever you a ready to aim for that dream goal of achieving a fast Ironman.

I also think you need to keep your binging behaviour in perspective.  I'm not condoning binge eating, but you are probably much better off eating and living a healthy lifestyle most of the time, and having the occasional 'blowout', than regularly eating a moderately poor diet.  It happens, and your body deals with it.  How much fat or cholesterol can your body possibly take on board from one bad session every month or so.

I binge a fair bit, always have done, and probably always will.  In the past I used to punish myself the next day by doing a particularly hard or long session to make up for it.  That doesn't happen anymore, I just regret the binge, but then usually get over it fairly quick by just thinking 'well that's out of the way now what can I do that's a bit healthier'.

You'll be fine, the fact that you're talking about it means that you realise that it's poor behaviour, but you're not alone.  It happens, so don't beat yourself up about it too much.  Just keep doing the best you can, as often as you can!

Edited by Go Easy
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9 hours ago, Go Easy said:

Absolutely, and it doesn't mean that your current goal is something that you could never achieve, it's just something that is too far away from where you are now.  I prefer to think of those goals as 'wish list' goals or dream goals...  It's fun to dream!

Setting good examples for your family and friends is possibly a better goal to keep you on track for healthy behaviour, and getting to the start line of whatever events you do (even Park Runs etc) in the best possible shape to achieve your best times and PB's is a great goal to aim for with your training.  Both of these will put K's and experience in your legs, and durability in your brain, for whenever you a ready to aim for that dream goal of achieving a fast Ironman.

I also think you need to keep your binging behaviour in perspective.  I'm not condoning binge eating, but you are probably much better off eating and living a healthy lifestyle most of the time, and having the occasional 'blowout', than regularly eating a moderately poor diet.  It happens, and your body deals with it.  How much fat or cholesterol can your body possibly take on board from one bad session every month or so.

I binge a fair bit, always have done, and probably always will.  In the past I used to punish myself the next day by doing a particularly hard or long session to make up for it.  That doesn't happen anymore, I just regret the binge, but then usually get over it fairly quick by just thinking 'well that's out of the way now what can I do that's a bit healthier'.

You'll be fine, the fact that you're talking about it means that you realise that it's poor behaviour, but you're not alone.  It happens, so don't beat yourself up about it too much.  Just keep doing the best you can, as often as you can!

Yes the 10hrs is a lifetime best goal. Not one that is achieved quickly by myself. 

 

My goal for the next 12 months is to get my back, hip flexors and ankle 100% healthy so I can go back to training consistently. Yes 12 months is a long time but they're pretty wrecked and I have to be patient. Essential to fit it around my daughter etc. 

 

You're a bloody legend GE. Thanks 

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I've always had a sweet tooth and went hard on the chocolate after my wife passed away 20 months ago. Otherwise was eating junk or what friends and family would bring me as I didn't cook anything for over 3 months!

Decided I had to break the cycle so recommenced ordering groceries weekly from Aussie Farmers (really upset they folded recently as you could select ingredients rather than meal boxes). It really helped as I grew up hating food waste as my dad died before I was two so we didn't have a lot of money - therefore having a few veggies in the fridge again forced me to cook a couple of times a week.

Am back to eating okay most of the time now - thankfully I can handle the same meal over days as I usually cook a big wok of food and package and freeze in takeaway containers for dinners. Salads are easy to throw together at work for lunches.

As to the shopping and buying junk. Have restricted my chocolate buying to only buying blocks when half price $2.50. Thankfully the big chains have only reduced to 40% off. My waistline and wallet have been grateful! :lol:

Edited by Dalai
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1 minute ago, Dalai said:

 

As to the shopping and buying junk. Have restricted my chocolate buying to only buying blocks when half price $2.50. Thankfully the big chains have only reduced to 40% off. My waistline and wallet have been grateful! :lol:

I'm on orders to only have 70%+ dark chocolate from my nutrionist.  You go the 86% and it really is not very sweet in taste at all - Cadbury is below 10% sugar content at that level.  Currently have those blocks on sale at $2 each, got a few of them in the pantry stockpiled up but they don't disappear too quickly.  I'm trying to set the mindset at present that after dinner is done, wait an hour and have 2 squares to trigger in my mind that eating for the day is finished.  My binges always seem to occur after dinner so I'm doing this and retreating to the gym to watch tv or read on the treadmill 

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1 minute ago, Cottoneyes said:

Currently have those blocks on sale at $2 each, got a few of them in the pantry stockpiled up but they don't disappear too quickly.  I'm trying to set the mindset at present that after dinner is done, wait an hour and have 2 squares to trigger in my mind that eating for the day is finished.  My binges always seem to occur after dinner so I'm doing this and retreating to the gym to watch tv or read on the treadmill 

Don't tell me that!

Agree about the after dinner binge. I find if I can hold off for an hour or more I tend not to go for the chocolate if in the house!

 

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If there was chocolate stockpiled in my cupboard I'd be in big trouble, i wouldn't be able to control myself and would gorge on it.....hence no chocolate in my pantry.

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My problem is the supermarkets are full of it!  If my wife did the shopping she wouldn't buy anything, but I do it.  My fav atm is Cadbury Favourites boxes - there's always one size of box on special....

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I had to duck down to the IGA to get some sourdough for breakfast this morning. They had the 350g blocks on special. It's a 6 minute drive home, and I ate over a third of it. :(

Is there a Chocoholics Anonymous anywhere?

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9 minutes ago, Ex-Hasbeen said:

I had to duck down to the IGA to get some sourdough for breakfast this morning. They had the 350g blocks on special. It's a 6 minute drive home, and I ate over a third of it. :(

Is there a Chocoholics Anonymous anywhere?

I ate large block of black forest as i watched one 100m backstroke heat and the associated replay.. you've got nuthin..

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My "issue" is potato chips.  I worked hard for a while to just eat the small packet.  Now we shop once every three weeks, which helps in one way that I only buy one big packet, but then can smash it down in one sitting......lol.  Then feel like ugh afterwards.........but in the moment......chippies..........

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I shop 4 or 5 times a week..... Not good for the snacks

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FFF you can see you’re not alone here mate. We all have binges, otherwise we’d be supreme athletes right?!? 10 years ago I was 15kg heavier despite being a relatively fit swimmer doing 15-20km in the pool each week - I convinced myself that it was just my build and therefore its ok to eat and drink whatever. As Cartman would say - “I’m not fat I’m big boned”. Once triathlons started that extra weight sucks big time cycling and running.

I tried to go cold turkey on beer and sugar, but its only temporary. So what works for me is moderation, and remembering its ok to have whatever tempts you - just limit it. For example, I only ever drink mid-strength beer and only on weekends - I now don’t like the taste of heavy beer (soft I know). I also converted to black coffee and dark chocolate (same as cotton eyes), and I gorge on carrots and celery at my desk.

But do whatever works for you.

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18 hours ago, Ex-Hasbeen said:

I had to duck down to the IGA to get some sourdough for breakfast this morning. They had the 350g blocks on special. It's a 6 minute drive home, and I ate over a third of it. :(

Is there a Chocoholics Anonymous anywhere?

My car eating like that is mostly chips - if I get fish and chips. Can easily sneak a few in on the drive home!

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Recently i have had a few people give me some great feedback and gifts after overseeing and implementing their rehabilitation following either surgery or injury.  This probably sounds great but it actually makes me feel uncomfortable.  Getting them through their rehab is my role, my job and seeing them progress and reach a finish line is all i want to see.  

Is there something wrong with me as I actually really uncomfortable with this.  

Even when i was taken out for lunch for my birthday it was uncomfortable for me in the respect I was being cared about by someone other then my mum and one of my sisters.  

Is this strange because from past experiences where i have put trust in people they have turned their back on you when they get what they want.  

 

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42 minutes ago, Fitness Buddy said:

Is there something wrong with me as I actually really uncomfortable with this.

No there isn't, and yes there is!

You have trouble accepting extra thanks for something that you feel was just your job.  But to them, it wasn't just your job. You probably gave them back part of their life they were missing through the injury etc.

The yes bit is because you probably need to start accepting you're worth the thanks.  There's nothing wrong with accepting a bit of extra gratitude...

Edited by goughy
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1 hour ago, Fitness Buddy said:

Is there something wrong with me as I actually really uncomfortable with this.  

 

People react to being in the spotlight differently, for some they crave it and need it, any type of praise and focus is their food - for others even the most basic bit of praise puts them at massive odds with what they prefer.  There is not right end of the scale, nor any right part in between them.

There is nothing wrong with it, but you may want to look at some coping strategies while you are in a customer facing role - as you do your job well it is likely to happen more, and as your experience grows you are going to get even better than you are now

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8 hours ago, skel said:

My "issue" is potato chips.  I worked hard for a while to just eat the small packet.  Now we shop once every three weeks, which helps in one way that I only buy one big packet, but then can smash it down in one sitting......lol.  Then feel like ugh afterwards.........but in the moment......chippies..........

I could have written that. :whistling:

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8 minutes ago, FatPom said:

but in the moment......chippies...

Just call me Gobbledock. :)

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3 hours ago, Ex-Hasbeen said:

Just call me Gobbledock. :)

Now I feel old too........thanks........:D

9C2654AC-27FF-4997-833F-8FB672AAEADD.jpeg

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9 minutes ago, skel said:

Now I feel old too........thanks........:D

9C2654AC-27FF-4997-833F-8FB672AAEADD.jpeg

You can always pretend that you only know about Gobbledocks because of this add last year. :)

image.thumb.png.ba84e8f3ff5c4aa6e45bf02605512471.png

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This afternoon we went to a service for a 17-year-old girl who took her own life last week.  Sadly, no-one saw this coming and it has rocked her family, friends, school and wider community.  

As beautiful as the ceremony was in celebration of her short life , it still won’t take away the pain for her loved ones.  I guess we all just have to look out for each other as best we can and not be afraid to speak up if we are struggling.   I certainly hugged my own daughter a little more tightly today. 

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**reaching out**

deep breath - I would never normally post something like this

 

i think my wife has fallen out of love with me.  I can’t give you a definite as to why I think this, but we seem to argue a lot these days, don’t appear to have anything in common anymore, intimacy has dropped off (she puts in zero effort), she has never been the overly passionate type to start with, little things seem to trigger huge blow ups between us, for example as I type this we haven’t spoken for about 5 hours after I came home and she said that she had nominated me for refereeing our sons sports games (I’m cool to do that) but I would have preferred to have been asked first and not just assume I’m ok with it, this has now caused a massive drama between us.  We just seem to be living in the same house caring for our kids but not for each other and I have absolutely no idea what to do about it

she is very difficult to approach as she instantly feels like she’s being attacked and everything is her fault etc.  we are 36 and have been together 20 years.

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32 minutes ago, KieranR said:

... We just seem to be living in the same house caring for our kids but not for each other and I have absolutely no idea what to do about it ...

I was with my wife for 20 years. She fell out of love with me and I didnt even know - I thought she was just taking her normal hard heartedness to a new level due to outside stresses. One night she never came home and I got weird text messages saying she was at a friends house. So I rang the friend and they were interstate. Turned out she was with another bloke. As soon as she was discovered, she moved out. The 3 boys and I have been on our own for 10 years now.

I would have done anything to save my marriage. I was never given a chance. You have a chance Kieran, you need to take it. Give her a hug, tell her you love her. Tell her you dont like fighting, you dont like the way you are drifting apart. Suggest going to see a marriage counsellor for some ideas. Its not a blame game, its about looking for a clear path forward for the two of you and for your kids. Dont keep going down this path mate because everyone is going to get badly hurt. Negotiate some counselling with her and make sure she knows its not an attempt to blame her for anything. Sometimes things can just slip away and its no-ones fault.

I feel for you mate. Ive been there. I know what you are going through. Make a massive effort and leave no stone unturned. The relationship can be fixed and become even stronger. 

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Kieran 

I agree with DD 

 

Marriage counselling is the best way to calmly sort it out and work through it. If you want to keep your relationship then you will need to work for it, but unfortunately for us blokes, not in a "fix it" way. It will take a change in approach to everything you do. 

 

I have been through a similar situation. I'm single now and have shared care of my daughter. I say similar but definitely not the same. 

 

In my opinion it takes a lot of humility and patience to get through it. If you want it(marriage) you'll need to get help from a third party. 

 

And hugging her and telling her that she is loved and pouring your heart out is a great idea DD. Often we take it for granted that the other side knows this, but it's nice to enforce it. 

 

Good luck. 

PM me if you want. 

 

Cheers mate, Sam 

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And don't forget, marriage counseling isn't just for/about couples in trouble.  Couples go there for a "tune up" as well, or when stresses are in general affecting the family etc etc.  Don't necessarily think of it as a "stop my marriage from breaking down" service.  Think of it as a "help make my marriage complete" service.  If she's resistant, or you think she'll be, maybe try that approach.  It doesn't have to be because you feel things might be failing.  Think of it as about making it even more successful!

And if she won't go - go yourself anyway!

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All good advice above mate. 

Sometimes we get so busy with "life" that the marriage goes on auto pilot. That can work for a while but is not a good long term strategy. 

Find some time to work on the marriage, find time to talk about stuff other than schedules,  who is cooking what for dinner, and whose turn it is to unpack the dishwasher. 

As mentioned above also, try not to play the blame game, as both of you will have different sides of the issues. Us the words "us" and "we" more than "you" and "me" when discussing any perceived issues. 

Most importantly GOOD LUCK 

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Thanks,

A bit more info, she has been seeing a Councillor for a very long time now (years), I have no idea what exactly it is about as she asked me not to ask her and i respect that, I believe it has something to do with her up bringing, she holds a huge grudge toward her father who was violent to her mother, deserted the family, she was brought up in housing commissioning on a single parent disability income - shes extremely angry about this, so i think her session are regarding that but in all likelihood they would have expanded into other things.  she's very fragile mentally i believe.

Has an explosive temper

Personally i couldn't think of not having her in my life, i love the girl, and i dont want to think about not having her in my life..i really dont.

We have a really stressful household with our son and what we deal with him on a daily basis in regards to his skin condition and every allergy under the sun that he seems to have.

She's doing uni but has huge self doubt and spits the dummy when its too hard and then my advice is taken as criticism when im actually trying to offer up help.

There is no other person involved - we are very very clear on that.

for me - I spoke to a Councillor (forced to by work) for a couple of months back in 2009 when i had an issue when working overseas and i threatened to push my supervisor off the top of a tank after he made a comment about my family and it did nothing for me at all, I still want to if i see him, so im very dubious about seeing those types of people because i have not had a positive experience with them before.

Im very conscious of keeping the family unit together, i want my kids to have mum and dad together and I do not want to entertain the thought of that not being the case.

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Best wishes mate. 

 

With the Uni stuff and anything like that, it's often a guy default action to offer advice on how to "fix it". I have done it. Sometimes it is better just to listen and sympathise. 

 

Take it easy. 

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56 minutes ago, KieranR said:

.......... I spoke to a Councillor (forced to by work) for a couple of months back in 2009 ......... and it did nothing for me at all,

OK, let's tackle this one a bit!  Personally, I have been in and out of counseling since in high school, so we're talking 30 years now.  I made the choice to go this time (currently) and it has been a world of difference - while I know I still need to go I actually look forward to it.  Pretty much every other time I've gone (half a dozen or more) has been at someone else's urging/insistence and I will tell you that I lied and said whatever I had to to get the experience over and done with!  God only knows where I'd be had I not done that that first time back in high school.  But quite simply, if you don't want to go then you won't get out of it what you need.  I would place a bet that that's what happened with you back then.

Even more so, you need to find a counselor who is the right fit for you!  Same as everything else.  Honestly, maybe before even bringing up the idea of couples counseling with your wife, see if you can find someone you'll trust and have some time with them first??  From my experience, and also my fathers, I can tell you that the right fit in counselor for you and your wife is as important as actually deciding to go!  And it might take a few different ones to end up with that person.  I think the one benefit you have in all this is that she's no stranger to the process, so that may make her more willing.  And maybe it is something she can bring up with her current therapist, they may even have a recommendation of someone to see.

You say you have a lot of stress around your home environment - who knows how much of that is adding to all of this?  My daughter is incredibly strong and well adjusted, yet our sons issues have caused her to have complete breakdowns in classes at school.  Even just going for yourself could give you a bit of a mind cleanse and maybe some clarity in a situation which has you clouded.

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9 minutes ago, goughy said:

OK, let's tackle this one a bit!  Personally, I have been in and out of counseling since in high school, so we're talking 30 years now.  I made the choice to go this time (currently) and it has been a world of difference - while I know I still need to go I actually look forward to it.  Pretty much every other time I've gone (half a dozen or more) has been at someone else's urging/insistence and I will tell you that I lied and said whatever I had to to get the experience over and done with!  God only knows where I'd be had I not done that that first time back in high school.  But quite simply, if you don't want to go then you won't get out of it what you need.  I would place a bet that that's what happened with you back then.

Even more so, you need to find a counselor who is the right fit for you!  Same as everything else.  Honestly, maybe before even bringing up the idea of couples counseling with your wife, see if you can find someone you'll trust and have some time with them first??  From my experience, and also my fathers, I can tell you that the right fit in counselor for you and your wife is as important as actually deciding to go!  And it might take a few different ones to end up with that person.  I think the one benefit you have in all this is that she's no stranger to the process, so that may make her more willing.  And maybe it is something she can bring up with her current therapist, they may even have a recommendation of someone to see.

You say you have a lot of stress around your home environment - who knows how much of that is adding to all of this?  My daughter is incredibly strong and well adjusted, yet our sons issues have caused her to have complete breakdowns in classes at school.  Even just going for yourself could give you a bit of a mind cleanse and maybe some clarity in a situation which has you clouded.

Quality advice here 👍

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Kieran,

You could always just start with calling your company EAP. (Should be signs around the workplace) It should be a free call and give you an idea if you want to talk to anyone

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Well shes not answering my phone calls.  might be a long drive down to Perth this weekend and then to Vietnam next week ;(

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22 minutes ago, KieranR said:

***update***

we spoke at length to each other honestly at 2am yesterday after we finished packing for our holiday, she assures me that she still loves me and there are no immediate issues needed to resolve.  She’s admitted she’s dealing with some stuff privately between her and her councillor but as I thought these relate to her childhood, she opened up a bit about it.  These sessions have brought up a lot of stuff and she is dealing as best she can which is causing stresses and those are coming out in ways I described earlier.  We both admitted we could get a tune up (as goughy mentioned so have agreed to do that) but only when she is on top of the other stuff first, I don’t want to overload her.  Clearly she still thinks my moustache is seriously cool 😉

thanks for the messages and advice!  I appreciate them all

410BF299-6111-45A2-B118-67285D99E366.jpeg

 did the issues start when you started going running in Speedos...? Just saying.. 😁

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10 minutes ago, pieman said:

 did the issues start when you started going running in Speedos...? Just saying.. 😁

Quite possibly! 😂 that’s what tipped her over the edge

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In all seriousness this is great news.

A bit like DD, I found out my marriage was over when it was too late, and given she had moved on and started again, there was no hope to resolve anything.

You have hope!! Enjoy the break, get some guidance when you get back and good luck!

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Have a great holiday - that can be a great destresser too.

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So glad to hear your good news update.  Been thinking all weekend and hoping it was going better for you both. 

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I'm sure I'm not the only one but I find Mother's Day increasingly painful.

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****ing oath

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8 hours ago, trinube said:

I'm sure I'm not the only one but I find Mother's Day increasingly painful.

I've never liked it, nor did my mum.  Commercial opportunism gone crazy. 

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9 hours ago, trinube said:

I'm sure I'm not the only one but I find Mother's Day increasingly painful.

Yup....everywhere I looked yesterday it was mothers day related.....:-(

ended up staying home doing plenty of chores and stuff...:-)

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I hate crass commercialism at the best of times but I more so hate being constantly reminded of what I've lost.

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Yes mate, its a tough day, luckily for me yesterday we had plenty going on around the house so I was pretty distracted. 

But as my mum died and is buried in the UK, I cant just pop by for a visit, and also their Mothers day is not the same as ours so it pops up twice a year.  :sadwalk:

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