Not sure how I am feeling now. Yep, another happy Christmas, not. My partner and I have been together for just over 7 years. It has had it ups and downs, with him cheating on me for a period (with someone I knew….). I made the decision to continue in the relationship. When we travel and or are with family (which is not very often – mine are interstate and his overseas) the times are good and their are lots of laughs. At home, we don’t communicate very well with each other. He has been trying to gain employment for over 18 months (after previously being in Government for 9 years). He drives rideshare, but the money and hour are crap. We have tried everything to get back into Government, he has been shortlist, meritorious on most but never successful. I have encouraged him to look at non-government (but a short stint at an employment agency was awful for him, constantly being abused, sworn at…) or even look at retraining through TAFE. His motivation and confidence are completely gone, and he is stuck that government is the only option (so only applies for 2-3 jobs a month). He is travelling back to see family in March for 3 months, and I got upset on Christmas day as he is travelling before his birthday and won’t be here (but he didn’t tell me before telling the). I know it is petty, but I have no family (or children) and I like spending this time together. My mouth opened before I thought and there went Christmas day. I am finding it a big challenge to keep motivating him, encouraging him and completely covering the house myself (yes is mine and I cover all the bills, but an offer to help when things break would be nice). We keep saying mean things to each other; I admit and say I am sorry, but I can’t stop (and I can admit that – I am not a bad person, I get emotional and he doesn’t like that). He says things as well and then says he didn’t say it or tells me to stop putting words in my mouth. After 7 years, and a decision to not have children by him, now leaves me too old to have children (that makes me sad) and the likelihood of being on my own (that I am not worried about). Yet another fight, and he has gone to the gym. He’ll come home and eat in front on the computer all afternoon, or sleep. We can’t even seem to be at the same table. My granddad is unwell (as I have spoken about on here) and both my mum and dad (not together - struggle to meet day to day living - so I feel that pressure as well, more for my dad at he moment). Just needing to vent a little. I finally have no more tears to cry and I think I have finally run out of puff to even argue anymore. Would like to find some peace in myself so I can better to and for those around me.