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KieranR

Parenting is hard

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His family are very very Christian.......... but no, it doesn't help! Also doesn't help that, while I'm a prude, we certainly haven't been backwards about anything...... 

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Great thread. My boys are 3&5. The five year old is the youngest kid in grade one. Bright kid. One of the smartest kid in the year but gosh he's a hand full already. 

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5 hours ago, Pete said:

You make it sound like she is in control of her behaviour (she probably isn't) and that she has the power to instantly change it because you simply tell her to.  You haven't mentioned if there is a reason as to why she behaving that way or what you have done to to find out why.  There may be a subtle reason for this (or maybe there isn't) Kids can be very complex and they are all very different.  Think of it as a project rather than a disciplinary issue.... :) 

 

Hi Pete, I'll try answer this 

I think she is in control of her behavior but makes poor choices (maybe i dont understand this though), she doesn't instantly change back to good behavior, this week she has because i think this decision has really stung her and its something that she desperately wants to go to.  normally her behavior does not instantly change.

Not sure of the reason why - we have discussed quite a lot between my wife and I that we think there could be a link between her behavior and the amount of attention her brother gets, he has a number of things that require us to pay more attention to, with his diet (food prep as he is a Coeliac), allergies, medical appointments, speech therapy.  we have also discussed taking her to a child psychologist and talk although we have not taken that step yet..i think we will though.

 

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Keiran, I think its important not to be too hard on yourselves either.

There is no one rule book for parenting. As you say it is hard.

Every couple is different, everyone's lives are different, every child is different. No one can give you ACCURATE advice based on their situation that will be 100% relevant to you and your situation. 

We parent differently now to previous generations. Most don't have extended family nearby like in "the old days" which means parenting can end up being a 24/ 7 job with no break. Cant just "drop them with Nan and Pop and duck off for a quiet weekend to replenish the batteries and have some "adult" time. This can put added pressure on the family unit, which in turn will affect how you then deal with issues. 

Sometimes the simple fact that everyone is alive and well and still existing as a family in some form, needs to be taken as a victory, albeit a small one and anything else is seen as a welcome bonus. 

 

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Did the triple p online version (free) and got some useful insights.. as we all know though from planned vs actual training, having the knowledge is one thing, implementing it different..

Also did another one from parentworks but had largely the same content

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18 minutes ago, roxii said:

 

We parent differently now to previous generations. Most don't have extended family nearby like in "the old days" which means parenting can end up being a 24/ 7 job with no break. Cant just "drop them with Nan and Pop and duck off for a quiet weekend to replenish the batteries and have some "adult" time. This can put added pressure on the family unit, which in turn will affect how you then deal with issues. 

Sometimes the simple fact that everyone is alive and well and still existing as a family in some form, needs to be taken as a victory, albeit a small one and anything else is seen as a welcome bonus. 

 

This is really accurate to us - we live in the Pilbara, our families are in Nth Qld (although we are not close with them, so no real difference if we were there to be honest).  its definitely a 24/7 365 day thing for us, but we signed up for that when we decided to have children and to then live on the other side of the country...so no complaints there...it does wear you down though.

I tell my wife all the time.....hey the kids are fed healthy food, they go to school, they are happy, are clothed and have shoes...we arent doing too badly really.  she is a lot harder on herself than what I am.

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I have recently done a course up here that is provided to parents, called tuning into kids, I got a lot out of it, the emotion coaching training i received was fantastic, it has helped me a lot and give me better tools to use in my approach to kids emotions and how they see things and to other ways for me to react and approach.

 

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46 minutes ago, KieranR said:

Sometimes the simple fact that everyone is alive and well and still existing as a family in some form, needs to be taken as a victory, albeit a small one and anything else is seen as a welcome bonus.

I say a similar thing when my wife gets in one of her moods and says she's failed as a mum. "We have 2 kids, 22 & 16, and neither have spent a night in prison, or even been in trouble with the police. You must be doing something right."

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11 minutes ago, Ex-Hasbeen said:

I say a similar thing when my wife gets in one of her moods and says she's failed as a mum. "We have 2 kids, 22 & 16, and neither have spent a night in prison, or even been in trouble with the police. You must be doing something right."

I was a delinquent shithead in my teens and up to my mid 20's, spent a night in the watch house, I cant remember but I think I was charged with drunk & disorderly, obstruct police and something to do with fighting.  Plead guilty at my court appearance and have steered clear of trouble since then, it all stemmed from getting kicked out of the strippers with my best mate and then him being allowed into another club but I wasn't, he then started fighting the bouncers and so I joined in.  Not something im proud of one bit.

I've never ever touched drugs or anything like that which is something im proud of, not so for the rest of my family incl parents. And i treat my wife with absolute respect and hold my marriage and vows in the highest regard.  My wife and I have been together 20 years this year although i wouldn't have blamed her if she had of left and run a thousand km from me when we were younger...my mum often states that if it were not for my wife i'd probably be dead about 15 years ago.

So if we can raise our kids to respect the law, respect each human you come in contact with, do not be violent, avoid drugs and live a healthy lifestyle and give them some good career advice then I think my wife and I would have done a decent job and thats all i can ask for really

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3 hours ago, Rocket Salad said:

Great thread. My boys are 3&5. The five year old is the youngest kid in grade one. Bright kid. One of the smartest kid in the year but gosh he's a hand full already. 

You’re one of those parents. Funny. Didn’t expect it. 

 

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1 hour ago, Peter said:

You’re one of those parents. Funny. Didn’t expect it. 

 

I'm a dumb arse. Hence my job. LOL

It's the wife. She's a tiger mum. She pushes the homework to the point he ran out of prep words early in term 3 last year. They made up extra so he could keep going.

I'm happy to tell the world.

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3 hours ago, roxii said:

Keiran, I think its important not to be too hard on yourselves either.

There is no one rule book for parenting. As you say it is hard.

Every couple is different, everyone's lives are different, every child is different. No one can give you ACCURATE advice based on their situation that will be 100% relevant to you and your situation. 

We parent differently now to previous generations. Most don't have extended family nearby like in "the old days" which means parenting can end up being a 24/ 7 job with no break. Cant just "drop them with Nan and Pop and duck off for a quiet weekend to replenish the batteries and have some "adult" time. This can put added pressure on the family unit, which in turn will affect how you then deal with issues. 

Sometimes the simple fact that everyone is alive and well and still existing as a family in some form, needs to be taken as a victory, albeit a small one and anything else is seen as a welcome bonus. 

 

This is very true Roxii.  Mrs FP and I have been out for exactly 5 meals on our own together in over 4 yrs and not had a single night away without Flipper. Being a migrant and geographic orphans can take its toll but also builds a very strong bond between everyone.

on the plus, we don't have to put up with much interference and well meaning 'advice' on how to bring up our daughter.

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My adult sister is one of those kids that was deeply affected by any attention her siblings received.  It went unchecked and continued to control her life.  She is probably the most disturbed person I know.

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2 hours ago, Rocket Salad said:

I'm a dumb arse. Hence my job. LOL

It's the wife. She's a tiger mum. She pushes the homework to the point he ran out of prep words early in term 3 last year. They made up extra so he could keep going.

I'm happy to tell the world.

Mrs FP grew up in the Sth Korean education system. 12hrs a day at school and anything other than a high distinction is an abject failure. Me, I'm 'Mr 51% did I pass?' 

We're trying to strike a happy medium with that.

Flipper can swim, ride a bike with no training wheels, run and stand up up on a surfboard. My job is done, drops mic.:dj:

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On 25/01/2018 at 7:04 AM, FatPom said:

Power tools are always useful :D

Ummm hello..... bikes?!?!?

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From this, to this in 23 yrs.  Time flies when you're having fun.   It really wasn't that hard.....mind you I nearly missed her birth out fishing.....maybe all that fishing was why it wasn't so hard :blush:

 

001.jpg

Georgie Pyeongchang1.jpg

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3 hours ago, skel said:

Is she competing?????? 

No, works for Australian Olympic Ctee in media.  Currently working 16hr days over there as they all are, but that's life at the bottom of the fast lane :wacko:  Here's one of her vids from the AOC Facebook site :lol:

https://www.facebook.com/AUSOlympicTeam/videos/10156109242974297/

 

Edited by ComfortablyNumb
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Thanks BC.

Both our girls are chasing their dreams/going with their natural instinct work-wise, which is something I never did enough due to parental pressure. 

So we told both of them to do whatever they wanted after HSC - no pressure to become lawyers/doctors etc. Our eldest is a huge reader, so did an Arts degree majoring in English & Drama, then a Diploma of Publishing as she really wanted to work with authors/in editing.  She is now a Junior Editor for a major international publisher of childrens books & does a fair bit of graphic design work.  Paid peanuts, but you have to start somewhere.  Our youngest always wanted to work in sport/fitness/health and after an internship at the AOC while doing a Sports Mangt/Communications double degree, got offered part-time then full-time work there and is finishing her degree externally.  Also paid peanuts, but it is a great start, and she gets to travel the world to major sporting events.

Personality wise, they are like chalk & cheese, but both making their way in the world.

Edited by ComfortablyNumb
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33 minutes ago, ComfortablyNumb said:

Thanks BC.

Both our girls are chasing their dreams/going with their natural instinct work-wise, which is something I never did enough due to parental pressure. 

So we told both of them to do whatever they wanted after HSC - no pressure to become lawyers/doctors etc. Our eldest is a huge reader, so did an Arts degree majoring in English & Drama, then a Diploma of Publishing as she really wanted to work with authors/in editing.  She is now a Junior Editor for a major international publisher of childrens books & does a fair bit of graphic design work.  Paid peanuts, but you have to start somewhere.  Our youngest always wanted to work in sport/fitness/health and after an internship at the AOC while doing a Sports Mangt/Communications double degree, got offered part-time then full-time work there and is finishing her degree externally.  Also paid peanuts, but it is a great start, and she gets to travel the world to major sporting events.

Personality wise, they are like chalk & cheese, but both making their way in the world.

They both sound like amazing jobs. 

So long as it pays enouh to live, if you love your job, who cares!

What's money without happiness? !

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One of the things that's loved about the principal at our kids school.  She pushes to the parents to let the kids choose subjects that they want to do, not what you think they should do, and the kids will succeed in what they've chosen!  It's why a state school is outperforming most private schools in town.

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